I am so Overwhelmed!!

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mt4
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/5/2011 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
As some of you know I have been separated from my BP husband for about 4 weeks now. And for the ones that don't know my story. My BP husband went away to visit his mom for a weekend and then decided he didn't want to come back home. Left me with 4 children (2 still in diapers) He does take all his meds & he is in therapy.
 
Well here is the update: He said that most likely this Sunday he will be coming home to see the kids. But he doesn't know what to do about us, he says his mind is all over the place then he says he does love me. Who understands that. I feel he has develpoed a Phobia coming here where we live, Because we used to live in the city and then we decided to move to the quite countryside and he says that here is where he got sick.
Well he has been in the city for a month and all he does is sleep at least that's what he says. He said he still is not feeling well.
I am just beyond overwhelmed I feel he is playing with my emotions. What if he does come on Sunday and then decides to leave back to his mom(which is 5 hrs away from here). That is going to destroy my babies. They are going to see daddy leave again.
My God, what do I do? Should i tell him not to even come. He could never give me a straight answer to what his plans are. He says he wants us all to eventually move back to the city, but we have a house here and family & friends. We built a life here it's not that easy to just walk away. I know it is for him though.
 
I just can't continue putting up with this. I feel he is driving me crazy! I am a very stable person and not knowing for sure how things are going to end with us Kills ME!!
 
Please any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you  for letting me vent. I feel I am going to burst!

BerryBlonde81
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 157
   Posted 5/6/2011 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I myself am the BP one, and from what I have learned from this illness seeing my family surround me with love and encouragement, is that if you (personally) have a faith in GOD, then that is what you have to use to get through this......No matter what HELL we go through HE is there waiting for us to cry out to him, and then for us to be patient and HE will give the answer.....if you have a space where you can go and take a deep breath and lay it all out for God (he knows what you are going to say anyway), but just let it all out, the tears too, cry out to him and ask for him to show you what you need to do, and ask for PEACE, UNDERSTANDING, A STRONG FAITH, TRUST, BELIEF, AND PATIENCE -- and the biggest one STRENGTH to get you and hubby over this hurdle...no matter how bad it seems it will get better,

If you are not a woman of faith, I hope that I have not offended you with my advice, I live this day in and day out and this is what i know works for me and my family which includes 3 kids....
Bipolar II - Second Opinion Diagnosed 4/11/2011
Fibromyalgia - Diagnosed 12/2009

Zoloft 1996-2002?
Paxil 20mg 2002?-2001
Paxil 30mg 1/28/11-4/4/11 - increase not helpful; more anxiety; backed down to 20mg nightly
Switching Meds:
4/11/11 Paxil 20mg; Cymbalta 30mg nightly
4/18/11 Paxil 10mg; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
4/24/11 No Paxil; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
375mg day / Klonopin .5 2x day

mt4
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/6/2011 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much. I am very much a woman of faith. I was raised very religious and always was told that things have to be left in God's hands. Without him we are nothing. I have been praying so hard for myself , my children and even my husband.

I am just scared if he does come on Sunday. I don't think I am ready, I still need a lot of healing. He has been extremely selfish and I feel he has only thought about himself. He left me with 4 children, 2 dogs a house to take care of in a big property I have never cut our grass I had to learn how to use all our equipment. I mean he left me with everything. I am still young but very petite there is not a lot I could do when it comes to take care of our property.

I feel if I forgive him , he will eventually do it again and I am tired of living in this rollercoaster of emotions.
I feel i don't deserve a life like this with a man that won't consider me. I know he has an awful illness , he is BP1 mix, which is really bad, but goodness how much more do I have to put up with. The first 2 weeks he was gone I was so upset it was nasty when we spoke. Lately I have just been taken his calls and I have expressed how I am feeling and all he says is " I dont know what to say" Are you kidding me. Come on, even if you are BP he is aware of his behavior and how it has affected our family.

I feel he is toxic to me & the kids right now. I want my real husband back but not this man he has become so far from what he used to be. He has called me a couple of times today but I am really not up to talk to him, it brings me very down. So I have had so far an Ok day I want 2 keep it that way.

It's just he loves me one minute and the next minute he doesn't. Why does that happen I can't understand how could feeling be like a light switch off & on like that. I have read so much on BP that my brain hurts, but MY GOD, Why did he just walk out like that with no reason. We always had a great marriage we were best friends. Even before we dated we were Best friends. I never thought this would ever happen.
Thanks for letting me vent.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/7/2011 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
This seems very simple to me.
 
1.  Agree to meet him with the kids.  If you file a separation or divorce, he will get visitation.  So sorry to say, suck it up.  (((hugs)))  I say this kindly from a been-there-done-that.
 
2.  Do not let him come to your house.  Meet him someplace neutral, with structure.  A restaurant.  A playground.  Mini-putt, batting cages.  Even just grocery shopping.  Something with an obvious "time to go" so no awkwardness at goodbye time.
 
3.  Prep your kids.  If they don't know about bipolar, now is the time.  Talk to each one individually and keep it at their level of understanding.  My barely-4-yr-old son knows that I am"sick", that I have bad days, that I take a lot of medication, that my dog works to help me and is a service dog, that not all dogs are service dogs, and that I love him ALL THE TIME no matter how I feel.
 
Also prep them about the visit.  "Seeing him leaving again" is YOUR perception.  How about "Daddy loves you very much and misses you, so we are going to go see him for a few hours.  We are going to [fill in the activity].  When we are done, Daddy will go home to his house and we will go home to our house.  I think it sounds like fun!"
 
4.  Don't let him play with your emotions.  You are letting him do this.  He is not doing this to you.  He is giving you different responses only because of his mood changes.  He's not trying to manipulate you.  Once he gets stable on medication, he will be than man you love.  Watch carefully for signs of his mood when you are trying to decode whether or not he truly means what he says.
 
Something else unrelated - try communicating in letters.  Don't forget that he is hurting too!  Send him a note.  Like "I love you and I miss the healthy you that I have always loved.  I feel hurt that you've left, but I hope that you are taking this time to get help and get started on medications.  When you are stable, I want you to come home and we can start the rest of our lives"  If that is true.  :)
 
Calm down, good luck.

mt4
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/7/2011 7:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank u for your response. Great points you gave me.
But it is sad to say he is not coming Sunday. He doesn't feel good so he won't make it. THANK goodness I didn't tell the kids because I expected for him not to come.
But thanks once again.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/8/2011 10:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Yup, I never tell my son about visitation with his dad either. He hasn't missed one in the last year. He knows he's on thin ice. I have complete distrust in him. I believe he is bipolar, I certainly have seen all the diagnostic criteria in him. He is un-dx-ed, untreated. Compulsive lying is a big thing in some episodes. Lies about having gotten help. Fake diagnoses. Obviously fake. He should know that I KNOW a lot about the differential diagnoses for bipolar and other disorders with mood swings as a symptom. He should know that I KNOW or know of all the psychiatrists in the area, so lying about a Dr's name... 'doh Lying about medications. I'm TAKE THEM, and I KNOW the normal dose ranges. :facepalm: Lies about infidelity, not that I care anymore!

For the love of god, the man would go from sex 6+ times a day to no sex for months. Depression and suicide attempts to happy giggly kid and then tearing the house appart with another "remodeling" project that would never be finished. Lying and thefts. Denial. Sudden rages with animal abuse and a few counts of domestic violence. Ugh.

Yes, I'm happy to be free of it, even thought I AM it. :) I'm on-the-other side, but I identify with you a little bit. :D Even 2 years out of it, I follow my own advice that I posted.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Lamictal 250mg,
Seroquel XR 300mg,
Lithium 1,050 mg,
Celexa 20 mg,
Loratidine 10 mg,
Klonopin 0.25mg - 2.0 mg as needed

mt4
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/8/2011 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow... Definitely sound like BP to me. And if he is untreated OMG! that's not easy.
 
My husband text me 2day that he is not feeling good. His sister is saying nasty comments to him, since she lives at home with his mom. He didn't say anything back to her, but he is realizing that they don't understand him.
 
He wants to come back, but I don't want him to stay here so I told him I was going to check how much a hotel will be. I feel he is not stable with everything he has done. I asked if he is taking his meds and he hesitiated and said YES.
 
Yeah right , he is probably not taking it everyday. I wish he will get the help he needs and find the right combination of meds. I don't feel comfortable him coming here to our home. Besides he did walk out on me almost 5 weeks ago. And left me with all our bills, mortgage, 4 kids (2 in diapers) & I am stay home mom with no money. HELLO... Heck no I am not letting him stay in our home.
 
He is not coming because he wants to see us or be with us, he is just running from his mom's house because they are making it hard on him there. The relationship he has with his mom has never been good. Before he went there they didn't see each for 9 years!! He didn't see his brother or sister for 9 years as well. So of coarse they don't understand him he was diagnosed 2 yrs ago. So now he wants to come back...I want him to get better or at least feel good. But come on he has put me & our kids through hell.
 
I am always so calm  when I talk to him ,,,I always hear him out.. And I just tell him to see his dr to adjust his meds. Thats all I can do. I don't fight with him because that just makes everything worst.
 
Thanks for hearing me out just needed to vent a little.

BerryBlonde81
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 157
   Posted 5/9/2011 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
MT4 -- you honestly sound like such a strong woman, I will pray for you and for ths situation and issues that you are facing. Being calm has to be sooo hard, but you sound like you are doing the best job possible....seeing your babies every day should put a big smile on your face, no matter how you are feeling inside, I know that my kids really get me going, I dont know how I would make it each day without God, and my kids going around making me smile without even trying to make me smile. I do try to hide the BP II from them, which of course is hard with the mood swings, but I do try my best.....keep strong girl you WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.....keep up your faith and listen to your heart, you will do what is right for your family and that is what is important. If it means daddy stays away for a while (to get better) the kids will understand, they are so smart from such a young age as I see mine being so knowledgable every day! What you think is right and best for the well being for you and the kids is the best. I see from your post that you are single income home, they may have programs in your area to help you out for a while, maybe while you go back to school, or maybe start working; whatever will help you and your family....again, I will pray for and family and husband that he will do what is right and that you will have peace and strength no matter what he outcome is....Bless you and your family.
Bipolar II - Second Opinion Diagnosed 4/11/2011
Fibromyalgia - Diagnosed 12/2009

Zoloft 1996-2002?
Paxil 20mg 2002?-2001
Paxil 30mg 1/28/11-4/4/11 - increase not helpful; more anxiety; backed down to 20mg nightly
Switching Meds:
4/11/11 Paxil 20mg; Cymbalta 30mg nightly
4/18/11 Paxil 10mg; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
4/24/11 No Paxil; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
Klonopin .5 as needed

Post Edited (BerryBlonde81) : 5/9/2011 8:36:36 PM (GMT-6)

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