living with bipolar husband makes me depressed

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bama wife
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 5/22/2011 11:19 PM (GMT -7)   
 Well,it's been a while since I have been on here. My husband was diagnosed approx.6 years ago as bipolar 11. He is on Lamictal 200 mg, Abilify 10 mg and has refused to take every antidepressant the dr has written. He says he dosen't need a antidepressant. He also says no pill can help him. He says he wished he was never born and he is useless. I worked up until last April and I lost my job and my job was my outlet, away from home. There is never anything positive that comes out of his mouth. I feel like I don't have a life anymore.I have a wonderful dog, Ozzy. He is my best friend. My hubby says I love the dog more than him,But at least my dog is happy. I don't know if my hubby will ever be happy. I don't think he will let himself be happy. Apparently he dosen't think he deserves to be happy. He sees a psychiatrist but refuses to see a therapist. Sometimes I feel like I am the one who needs the pills. I needed to vent, so if anyone reads this, thanks for taking the time.
bipolar wife

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 5/23/2011 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
So what do you want to do? If he doesn't want to help himself, then you can't help him. The therapist is just as important as the shrink. The therapist can help treat the areas that the meds don't, like behavior triggers.

I have been living with a BP wife for for three years now and as BF/GF for a few years before that. My wife was the exact same way. Drinking everyday and taking her meds sporadically. She might as well have not taken the meds. I can feel for your husband on the dog thing. My wife seems to love those dogs more than me sometimes. She will even sleep in the other bedroom so that she can sleep with them at night. Doesn't happen often, but it does. Perhaps you should let him know, in no uncertain terms, that the dogs are not more important than him (unless they are).

I feel for you on the job. I am not unemployed, but my job is very boring. I am the type that needs to be busy, so this has also been a trying time for me as well. It sounds like you need to get out of the house more, whether it's hanging out with friends, volunteering or just taking regular walks.

If he refuses to take his medication and won't, I guess the ball is in your court as to what to do next. If the relationship is worth it to you, then you need to fight for it. I know it is tiring, but you will need to keep on him about his meds and therapy. For me, I was amazed at how eager my wife was for me to join her at her shrink and therapy sessions. Perhaps he does as well, but doesn't want to ask.

I, eventually, got to a point where I didn't want to bother anymore and let her know that. That seemed to wake her up and now she has quit drinking and takes her meds. She's better, but needs adjustment and still has "episodes".

You are going to have to decide (at some point), whether this is something you want to do and stick by that decision.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/23/2011 6:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Bama Wife,

I am also a wife to a Bipolar 1 husband currently separated for 7 weeks. Your husband like mine is obviously super depressed. They don't realize that their symtoms are their illness. My husband also takes meds and is in therapy nothing has worked.
He left one weekend to visit his mom and decided not to come back home. He wakked out of my life and our 4 children live like nothing. We have 3 children with disabilites so it hasn't been an easy journey for us. But our children have been my biggest blessing. I lost myself caring for my husband. I lost site of who I was. BP had taken my husband away and it was trying to take me as well. I didn't realize everything until he was gone. To be honest with you when he told me he wasn't coming back I was HAPPY. I felt sooooo much peace without him here.

He has become very selfish. We have been married 9 yrs (almost 3 yrs he was diagnosed) He is completely not the person I fell in love with. I do feel peace because I know that his behavior is not him it's BP.
I have seeked therapy for myself & it has helped me a lot. You need to put yourself First seek therapy for you, not the relationship but for only you. To help you get through this.

I started suffering panic attacks and since my husband has been gone I no longer have them. He was my anxiety. Please don't get me wrong I do love my husband and I wish he never had this awful illness. But reality he has it and because of it he has ruined our marriage and hurt our children emotionally.
It's not fare to sit here and take his abuse, because reality that is what it is ABUSE. They don't realize how much damage they can do to us. And it's not their fault because they are not capable to understand it. But we are able to understand and we don't deserve to get treated or be effected by this.
My husband loves me one day and within minutes he doesn't. His story changes constantly he is very unstable. And I don't need that. It was so stressful while he was home, waking up everyday not knowing how he will behave or say or not say. It was driving me crazy. You need to do something for you, maybe there is a hobby you like to do, or maybe join a support group in your area.

My husband also was making me depressed. I started feeling like him not wanting to do anything just sit at home doing nothing. Come on life is not about that. We need to have fun enjoy our precious life. I now go out with the kids take walks, go to a park, go swimming at a friend's pool. Socialize with girlfriends. I go now and get pedicures and give myself ME time. I deserve it, and you too.

I don't think I would take my husband back, he has caused too much pain for us. Even my oldest one doesn't want to see him or talk to him for what he has done.

Take care of YOU! Do something nice for YOU! YOU deserve IT!!!

bama wife
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 5/23/2011 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks mt4 & ebonyknight,
I love my husband very much. This July we will be married 24 years. I know what you mean, your hubby is not the man you fell in love with. For the most part, mine is home I still feel alone. It is hard to have a conversation with him because everything is about him. In 06 i had breast cancer. If not for my church family and my parents, I could not have gotten throuh it.  My hubby barely remembers me having cancer. How is that possible> I know he forgets things but come on. This was not a belly ache or toothache. We have a new grandbaby and she has been a blessing for me. She is 6 weeks old. Hubbies family tells him he needs to get off the meds. I remember how he was before the meds. Another problem he has is fear of going to hell. He says God has forsaken him and won't hear him. I am at a lost with all of his paranoial and way of thinking. I am going to my daughters tomorrow and swim, so I look forward to that. The next day, I am going to my parents and spend the night. My Dad has had colon and liver cancer and he has noy been doing too good. I thank you for the replies. Hopefully, I can be of some help to someone else on here sometime.
Bipolar wife

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 5/23/2011 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Bama... I am so sorry that you went through breast cancer and now your dad is suffering cancer as well. God knows more than anyone what is really going on in your husband brain. He will not judge him because he is sick. It's a disease that lives inside of them and God knows that.

You are definietly one strong woman! I have four children which 3 have disabilities our last two underwent major surgery at only 6 months old. My husband remembers our 3rd child surgery but can't barely remember our 4th child surgery He was very medicated then. So don't feel bad your husband doesn't remember when you were going through your breast cancer. It does happen they take really strong meds and it affects their memory.

Congrats on your precious grandbaby! enjoy her as much as you can they grow way too fast. You take care of you! and I can see you are doing just that. Stay strong!
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