Lately its been like I cant feel anything. Im not wallowing in dispair or mania like I was a few months ago but Im not happy either. I dont feel anything.
For example, my parents are getting divorced but I dont care at all. Granted I dont get along with either of them but youd think Id feel something. But I dont.
And its not just upsetting things but happy things as well. My best friend has a new boyfriend and normally I would be happy for her and we would be laughing and talking about everything but I dont care at all. I mean I love her but I dont feel it anymore. Since shes started dating him shes just been ignoring me--I havent even talked to her in three weeks. Usually this would make me feel unwanted and jealous but I dont feel anything. I really dont even care if I ever see her again.
My classes have ended for this semester and although Im looking I havent been able to find a job so I have nothing to do all day. I have other friends that I hang out with but I really dont care about them either.
The only time Im able to feel anything is when Im having sex with this guy I know. Hes in love with me but Im just using him. Its wrong and I should feel horrible about it but I dont. Its a toxic realtionship and I know I should end it but I just want to feel something...anything. Its like when Im with him Im free from myslef, free from my life.
I just want to feel alive again but I dont know how to. I just feel empty and dead inside.
I dont really know what I expect to get out of posting this I just wanted to know if there was any kind of advice anyone could give me so that I can be happy, or even sad again. Just so that I can feel something.