I feel for you. Our situations seem to be alike except we have no kids (my threads are around the board, if you want to compare). The kids make it impossible, because there is no way you would want to put them through a breakup, yet your relationship isn't healthy. It's not an easy mix.
In her mind she is right. If you don't agree with her, then you are wrong. There is no changing that thinking without treatment. Believe me I've tried. For years I let her have her way so that she was happy. I kept giving parts of myself until I started having problems. I walked on eggshells (it amazed me how many spouses were doing that on here). When I tried to discuss our
problems, she always said that she wasn't having any problems and that would be the end of the conversation.
When I started treating her how she was treating me, then the problems between us
You will never win an argument with her unless she is lucid and that will probably be few and far between. You probably take care of most of the chores and the kids, right?
Your best bet is to make sure she stays on treatment and go with her to her appointments, so that you can give the psych an objective view of her improvement/status. Getting a proper mix of meds, in the right amount is paramount. You will also need to go to counseling. At this point, nothing you say will make an impact as she is now used to conflict with you. She sees herself as right and you wrong, so you will not be able to get anything through to her. The only times anything got through to my wife, was when a neutral third party discussed our problems. My cousin was initially that for a year or two and she listened until he (in her mind) started conspiring with me against her. There were just too many times when he sided with me and that couldn't be correct in her mind.
Now she is meeting with a counselor. But I think you have to find a good one. The counselors that my health care provider provide (Kaiser) are crappy. They only meet you when you fit into their schedule (once a month) and (in all my cases) all the counselors kept looking at the clock when they didn't think I was looking and only listened. My current counselor (one that I am paying for out of pocket for) is very good. She actually seems to care, engages us in back and forth questions/answers, mediates our sessions together and gives her advice. She is a marriage counselor that deals with mental health issues, so she will know what both of you are going through and know how to deal with it.
Except for medical treatment, counseling is the most important thing you can do. Make sure you get a good counselor or you will be wasting your time. Make SURE that she
thinks that the counselor is good and worth it. That will be the only way she will stick with it.
Post Edited (ebonyknight) : 6/8/2011 6:11:05 AM (GMT-6)