Hello hopeful one. Welcome to the forum. I am also new here and it seems there are very supportive people on this forum. I understand how do you feel and I have the sense that I lost my last 7 years of life
2 weeks ago my doctor said that I had a great probability of being with a bipolar disorder. This was mainly because I was not responding to antidepressants. I just have changed meds I am feeling much better. What really frustrate me we not being diagnosed sooner but I read somewhere that only about 1/3 of people with a bipolar disorder and diagnosed.
It seems you are depressed right now. Have you tried cognitive-behavioral therapy?