My first inclination is to think it might be a good idea if you talked to your older brother; but on second thought, he and your mother aren't speaking to each other, so perhaps you need to take an alternate route to maintain your clarity of thought regarding what's happening to your mother.
Do some independent research in your local library on alcoholism and
the personality of the alcoholic and note mentally the characteristics that may seem similar to those of your mother. Read carefully and with good intentions. I would suggest that you read
the Hazeldon Foundation's version of "Alcoholics Anonymous" the
real guide to helping the alcoholic and to assisting the family's adjustment to the person who really wants to go into remission from alcoholism.
It isn't a curable illness, you know. One can only go into remission if
he/she stops using alcohol completely. Otherwise, the personality is
literally poisoned by the use of alcohol. It has caused more damage
to marriages, personalities in children than probably any other
illness out there. So chances are that you have had your share of
the dysfunction in a home where alcohol is used frequently to relieve pain and depression.
Your own stability and maturity depend on your understanding and
growing in knowledge of how the illness affects siblings and how the
victims in a dysfunctional family may overcome the injuries. You
may wish to have counseling to help you over the tough spots. I would quietly go about
my search for answers from the masters of the illness and seek their guidance. After you have gained an insight into your mother's instability, you will begin to show skill in helping her to realize how she must follow a new and different lifestyle to become fully functioning and healthy again.
From what you have said, your father seems to be a stable man who
knows how to resolve anger and pain. He seems mature; maybe he
might serve you, too, in helping your knowledge grow about
alcoholic personality and what is best to do to assist--if you decide
that's what you want to do.
Your desire to help your mother is admirable, but I would try only after I had become fully knowledgeable about
the illness and what those who have overcome it have to say to you about
how to assist.
Allow yourself to care for you own health first: be alert
, gentle, careful, and diligent in maintaining your love for yourself so that you may be
able to love others in life as you go on your search for answers to
maturity and how to achieve it. You are already ahead by recognizing that your mother needs help. Many victims of families in which alcoholism is present have a real struggle to deal with life when they
are adults unless they seek counseling and learn wisdom about
You have strong potential for being a winner.
As an immediate effort to help, I would warn your mother gently that
the use of caffeine and alcohol make depression worse and that every
cup of coffee, chocolate bar, or tea, and every alcoholic drink will only
make any illness for a person worse. They should be removed from the diet immediately if she wishes to have better feeling tone. The second immediate approach might be for all of the siblings to let your mother know that you are concerned for her well-being and are going on an effort to help her learn more about the illness she may have inherited, whether it's bipolar illness or alcoholism--there is a strongly inherited genetic component for both illnesses.
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 7/7/2011 8:07:28 PM (GMT-6)