Thank you all. I had my hearing this morning, however, the judge did not give me a direct response today. I figured as much since most people do not receive their decision on the same day. He said I can expect a letter within a month. The Medical Expert there did not know anything regarding pain and he pointed that out directly and that is my main and most severe reason that I have not been able to work. On the Psychological level the Expert said that he really thinks most of my features are mild and he said who is to really tell if I don't actually have an eating disorder and that's why I lost weight (150 lbs down to 118 lbs since my pain and depression) and not because of my pain and depression. He also stated that maybe I don't go in public because I don't like to be around people not because I have anxiety and he said just because I sit in my room and cry and have no energy, no appetite and have a sleep disorder that maybe it's because of how people at home treat me and that I don't do any housework because im lazy not because of my depression or because I cannot do it. I don't know if this is normal or how their Medical Experts are since of course I've never talked to anyone else that has been to a hearing but this was all furiating to me because while I have medical records that state I have depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, Chronic Myofacial Pain Syndrome and Complex Regional Pain Syndrom he really didn't bring any of that up, rather he based everything on only what I said at the hearing and what the CE Pyschologial Examiner said that they sent me to see and then he was moreless making up excuses for me that im fine and don't have anything wrong and I'm just making things up in my head and overexaggerating them. I kept my answers short, to the point and identifed things I've said to my doctors time and time again.. I don't see how this is exaggerating or making things up in my head?? My medical records have never really been SOLID as to being detailed but this isn't because I do not tell my doctors stuff it's because they fail to actually note everything I say and leave parts out and try to say that my cases are mild, when I am going in there and telling them how severe my depression is and that I want to die or wish the world would end or even when I cut myself. This is mild? I don't know where they are coming from. My Bipolar isn't severe in my opinion only because my medications have regulated my manic episodes so there is no documentation of me having any manic episodes, only depressive episodes, an occurance where I cut myself and over 10 years ago when I was hospitalized in a mental institution for trying to harm myself. Now on the other hand in regards to my pain I have tried every medication and treatment under the sun. I am in constant pain that is severe. I have lost jobs and quit jobs because of it. It is what has worsened my depression and appetite and concentration. Unfortunately, CMP (Chronic Myofacial Pain) is similar to Fybromyalgia in the aspect that it is unseen and cannot be detected by MRI's, Xrays or any diagnostic tests and only on the basis of testimony of years of seeing all sorts of doctors and them determining that it is what it is. I have work restrictions that are so detailed and limited, even in which the Vocational Expert at the hearing said that I could NEVER do any of my past work nor is there ANY job that I could ever do again in the future. Even based on the national average of jobs out there where someone could miss work the minimum is 2 days per month and I was missing 4 plus day's of work and that doesnt include the day's I left early or when I was there couldn't sit still. I guess now I play the waiting game. My attorney hasn't given me any hope as he doesn't seem to thrilled or excited about
it and talks more about
what happens if we get denied again. I know what happens If I get denied again.. another struggle of not being able to barely live or get by, more bills going unpaid, more depression.. I have already filed bancruptsy because I have been unable to pay bills and was so far in debt so I can't even think about
doing that again. I can only hope and pray for the best and of course expect the worst as I always do. I appreciate all your support and will keep you all updated on the outcome. I do believe that I will be finding a new clinic and new attorney if things go south this time. In part I believe the lack of documentation, willingness to offer and try new treatments on me has put a damper on this for me. I also believe that my attorney just doesn't seem to be the most compentent and I almost feel as though I could have done just as much as he did and probably got the same outcome but we will see. I am a fighter.. I've lived in pain and depression for so long that I know I will not give up. Persistence and effort will be what wins it in the end. If they keep seeing me come back time after time they will have to eventually understand that something is wrong with me. Who the heck would live with no income for 3-4 years, live at home with their mom and get treated like their 5 at the age of 31 for the heck of it? I'm not sure of to many people. But the judge doesn't get to see that part of things. Anyway, I am going to stop going on about
it and be patient although it's hard to do.
Post Edited (lfrazier31) : 10/19/2011 7:36:09 PM (GMT-6)