Hello All. I want to share a bit of my story about my Bi polar wife and I, but sadly it seems like it will sound all too familiar. Any words of advice and/or encouragement thereafter are greatly appreciated.
She and I have been married for six years and and half three beautiful little boys together (ages 5, 2 and 9 months). She was diagnosed Bipolar 2 about a month ago. There have been three affairs on her part over the last four years. One of the people has been in the picture twice (he’s married with three kids of his own as well; not sure if he is Bipolar or just a writhing piece of crap…or both). The third affair was in the middle of the first two and happened in February of this year. She went out to meet one of her girlfriends for a drink, and within two hours had met a strange man and given him oral sex in the parking lot of the bar she was at, and within three days of sexting and texting back and forth was ready to leave me and the kids for him. She didn’t even know his last name, or the fact that he too is married with children (I found that tidbit out on my own).
The reoccurring affair came back in the picture through emailing and sexting, and my wife had planned a trip for them both to spend a weekend in San Antonio, TX on the Riverwalk (a place she and I used to like to vacation to together), but that fell through because his wife became suspicious. After it fell through, she then came to me with the idea of taking her there. Basically, I was second choice. Again.
Fast forward to the present (don’t want to make this post ten pages long, but I easily could), she is dxd, now on proper meds (formally was only taking antidepressants for depression, which kept her hypomanic more often than not), an antidepressant and lamictal, and she has quit drinking entirely (she is very comorbid,; alcohol was a serious issue for her); 55 days sober. I certainly see a different person, and one that has shown true remorse for all the damage she has caused me and our sons. She proclaims absolute love, devotion and loyalty to me and our family together and wishes to renew our vows. She has gone so far as to have the Serenity Prayer tattooed on her abdomen (she is a primary care physician, so being a high level professional and going to such an extreme to make a statement was really rather shocking to me, but whatever). She just seems so “normal” now, that I am not sure if it is real or imagined on both of our parts?
I am prepared to leave her if need be, that much I have been able to reach through weekly therapy. My wife sees a therapist and a pdoc, and wishes therapy to turn into couple counseling asap. I just don’t know. She has burned me three times in the past without batting an eye. The only way things were ever exposed were by me catching her, so obviously trust now is truly nonexistent, all thanks to her and her impulsiveness and lack of moral character to just say No. I have read about and met many Bipolar people whom have never cheated on their spouses, mostly using their hypersexuality to enhance their marriages, not to go on rampant ****-sprees whenever their chemical imbalances told them it was the greatest idea in the world. Sorry if that came out bitter, but I am quite frankly and don’t know if I can believe this is a new person or the same old same old spinning a masterpiece manipulation for her grand finale.
Do I love her? Absolutely without question and I always will. But marriage in my book is conditional and I will not allow infidelity to destroy me or my children. Can I trust her now that she is sober and medicated and seemingly thinking like the beautiful girl I fell in love with eight years ago? Or am I fooling myself that this will last and (finally) be the marriage I had hoped and dreamed for? I can handle every other aspect of this darned disease, but adultery is where I draw my final line in the sand.