rwsjr, I hope you are still an active member here. I just joined a minute ago after reading the full thread of your and all the others' postings on needing advice on living with a BiPolar Wife and I'm here to tell ya friend, I could've written all the exact same words myself of my wife's and my situation. We just got married this past June 19th, and prior to that we had a few tough and trying times no doubt. She informed me of everything she could ever think of regarding this disease and its realities. She many times over stressed to me to seriously consider marrying into such a scenario for life.
I did not turn a blind eye or deaf ear to anything about
the disease or anything relating to it with regards to this absolutely wonderful, loving, and very beautiful woman of my life. My wife. To say I love her dearly scratches the surface of the depth my loving emotions run for her and for our union together. Now that we're married, not much has changed from before we vowed to each other in the eyes of the Lord Jesus Christ, whom serves as a very strong bond for us as a couple.
My poor honey wants so badly to just scrape all those stinkin' meds into the trash, but her devotion to getting better by finding the right balance is what drives her day in and day out. She is the strongest and most amazing woman I never could've imagined. She's more. I may get the opportunity to list all her current meds here, but I'll wait until after this Thursday's meeting to see if anything changes. She just started on Depakote, which I've taken years ago after my malignant brain tumor was removed to avoid seizures. I only had to take it for about
a year. That stuff is just awful. wow. Talk about
wearin' ya down to nothin'. My wife works with her hands very actively all day as her profession, so to have such an incapacitating drug in your system like that is pretty darn rough. And that's just one of the many that her pdoc has her on right now. Some time ago, her current pdoc also had her on Lithium, which was beyond miserable for her. Nausea CONSTANTLY 24/7. Gracious. This is more than any one human should ever have to endure in their life here on earth. For heaven's sake, we're not here long enough to spend it in such misery as bein' so sick. It makes me sad that anyone has to suffer in such a way.
She's been through the ringer for a very long time - most of her 41 years, and was only diagnosed PROPERLY about
ten years ago. A couple of years ago or more recent than that perhaps, she was perfectly balanced and, as the term I read here, stable. She said tonight that for about
the past year she's been way off center for finding the right meds. For a very long time, many years that is, she was taking Trileptol, which really worked great for her from what I gather. But her current pdoc took her off of that, thinking its effectiveness was waning. Don't get me wrong, most of the time you'd never have a clue she is having any difficulty, she's that strong with managing herself. But she warns me in the most realistic way, that if the right combination of meds isn't found soon, she's possibly going to slip into the deep dark depths of the real bad side of BP. One of our sayings to each other through our mutual profession of our love is the phrase: "no matter what." I have vowed to always stand true to that and to her through it all, thick and thin, sickness and health, no matter what. I will doubtless eternally look for ways to comfort her evermore than she is whenever she is ill. It's tough to not overdo emotions at those times too.
Interesting predicament we supporters are put in at times like this. Tonight, and most certainly not the first time I've heard this over the last three years we've known each other, but she simply wants to be left COMPLETELY ALONE. TO JUST GO AWAY FOR HOWEVER LONG - who knows.
I am very sorry to admit that I never have proposed the idea of my accompanying her to her pdocs, but just tonight she requested that I join her this Thursday afternoon to visit her pdoc with her, if for no other reason than just for someone else to really lay out the facts of BP to me as a husband to someone who has it. My doubtless and unconditional admiration for her goes without question to me, but as I read many times just in this thread alone, it is mighty tough sometimes. Something I read at the tail end here was written by our Forum Moderator, els, if I may quote: "...I often would seek my own space to calm myself and level my feelings and head instead of elevating the situation." The importance of this particular point, in my amateur opinion, is truly immeasurable.
We've all heard ideas in our lives of how to handle a heated moment, such as take a short walk, count to (whatever number at or over ten), etc. I find myself immediately responding with sarcasm and criticizing her, not extremely or aggressively mind you, I'm not like that, but nonetheless, definitely handling the situation completely incorrectly. We've recently established, with out intention of course, a state of rather constant lack of communication now for a few weeks. You want to talk about
tough, (no pun intended), try to live loving every opportunity to show your limitless love to your wife, who simply lets it fall away and leaves you empty, and I mean empty. I have been a very emotional fella my whole life, having been emotionally very close to my mom all my years on this earth, and supporter of many in my days for many folks who've had their tough times too, I know how bad things can get.
Anyway, I found this forum just by typing in "living with a bi-polar wife" (without quotes) and am more happy that I did then I can really tell ya here. It was the first site I clicked on, and feel I sure have found an incredibly valuable resource for my life with my VERY VERY loving wife. Just like I read here also, when she's balanced, my goodness, does she ever radiate joy and happiness to the world around her.
A simple thank you here really does seem inadequate, but for lack of any better expressions, thank you for being here for those of us who really do completely care about
our loved ones with this rotten draw of the cards called Bi-Polar.
My best wishes and blessings to all who suffer from this, both those with the disease themselves, and their respective, ever loving caretakers. I believe in you. Have faith in yourself and in yours truly, as you are with them for a reason. It is perhaps why we are here if ever you need a reason.