I'm writing because my mother-in-law is most definitely struggling with some form of mental illness (we believe it is bi-polar) and I'm unsure as to how to go about
dealing with her.
From day one, she has made jabs at me and who I am, what job I was working, how much money I make, etc. Before our wedding, she blew up and screamed at the top of her lungs saying I was going to keep her away from her son and told the whole family I had said all of these hateful things that I didn't even say (I couldn't even get a word in). I was so shocked and terrified i was shaking. She turned all of his siblings, aunts, and uncles against my husband and I. She had her husband call me and tell me that they have no respect for me and that I need to earn it. This was while I was supporting my husband through dental school. They threatened not to come to the wedding and ruined the whole day.
This has been going on for 6 years. We have been married for 3 years now. Recently, she has become estranged from all 6 of her brothers. She has made up things in her mind that she feels they have done to disclude her from family gatherings, and even shown up screaming and throwing things she was so mad.
Recently, she blew up on my husband. Saying all of these things ranging from not seeing the baby enough to how she feels he is not putting his family (parents and sisters) first. He tried to approach her to talk through some things and she exploded. She got up in his face and started screaming at the top of her lungs, pointing in his face, and ended up threatening ill will against our family. My husband said his arms and legs went numb from being so shocked and nervous. He thought she was going to hit him.
We are newlyweds with a baby and are so stressed from all of this. The biggest problem is we live in the same town as them and my husband works in the family business. His dad told him he was going to try and keep all of this separate from work but its impossible. His mom pops in and out of the business daily and tries to manipulate the situation and place blame back on us (never gets to see the baby, etc.) It is causing major problems in our marriage. He has stood up to them over and over again but they call and harrass him about
it repeatedly and he is stressed out daily from it all. My MIL turns the entire family against whoever she is mad at. Total disfunction.
Moving is not really an option because my husband thinks this is where he can make the most money but I argue our quality of life is the most important thing instead of a paycheck. He has put himself through 8 years of college and we are burdened with that debt making it hard, financially, to get by.
I do not, and will not tolerate my mother-in-laws unstable and hostile behavior; especially in front of our baby. My husband and I make it a point never to argue or raise our voices - particularly in front of our son.
I need advice on how to keep her away and how to communicate to my husband that I don't want to be around her at all. We have gone through these patterns where she blows up like this, wont speak to us and turns everyone against us, then brushes everything under the rug and acts like nothing happened. We are both tired of that cycle butbi know her and she will come crawling back eventually. I feel the only way this will end is if we cut her out completely. I feel it is not our responsibility to have an intervention with her about
her mental health, but rather my father-in-law's. But he is so beaten down from years of verbal and emotional abuse from her. He is like her puppet and will Dow whatever she tells him to do.
Its so hard because my husband knows she has serious problems but it is his mother and he still loves her. I shake everytime I have to see her because she is a loose cannon. But if I keep myself and our son away from her she will send the entire family after us to give us a hard time.
Sorry this is me rambling but I am so upset.
Post Edited (cp0408) : 5/21/2013 5:45:42 PM (GMT-6)