Someone just make it stop please , I beg you....

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/13/2005 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
 I have never had these feelings before . I just want to die, but the only reason I live is for my daughter. I am sure people will miss me, but I can't stop all this pain. I am sitting here just crying, I am not sure why , I think I just want to die. I wish someone was here, someone that understands. I took my test today, and gotta B , you would think i would be happy. My only girlfriend who knows of my illness, doesn't knoww me well enough to detect my pain on the phone. Do I hide it that well. I seriously just want to get outta here. I am so depressed. I want to just stop
eating, stop thinking and die. I am sorry to anyone that reads this if it offends them, Ionly speak the truth. Where am I ??????????????????

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 7/13/2005 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I hear you kittycat.  Are these feelings recent?  Could there be anything specific that triggered these feelings?  Its hard to identify that, but its importasnt.  Sometimes it doesn't take anything for me to feel that way.  I actually felt that way recently for specific reasons and I called my mom cause I couldn't stop crying.  She told me to stay occupied, talk about my feelings but alot of times we tend to awfulize and it snowballs in our head.  So I did and it worked really well.  Especially the music I can sing along with.  Positive solutions! 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 7/14/2005 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   

((((((((((((((((((Kitty))))))))))))))))))) hugs 

eyes You sound like your doing terrible, I wish I could be there to help you get out of the dreadful funk.  Pepper has some good advice to stay occupied.  Drag yourself out and go for a walk, just do something. 

I have felt like that often and it's really a awful feeling.  I hope it passess soon, my prayers are with you that you make it through this soon. 




Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/14/2005 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
 I want to say ((((((( HUGS ))))))) and thanks to evryone who wrote and offered some advice. Those feelings have subsided, gotta love being BP. Scary at times, interesting at others. Sarcasim. I broke down and called my mother. She was in shock I think, and I reaaly hated to do that to her. She told me some jokes, goofy stories, and we talked about why I am having these feelings because I never really have. She told me I was stronger than that and that it is time to see a pdoc. She said your GP has been amazing, and he will still be that. He has done all he can for me, and I appreciate his knowledge . I hope I can be referred to a pdoc just at educted as he is , alittle more about BP though. I hate to even tell him , I am feeling this way, cause I don't want him to think he failed aas a doc, but I am sure he won't. I get a little silly sometimes.  So again thank you , and today is another day, and I feel better, although I feel like I have been hit by a mac truck, with all this up and down.... down..and up! pepperina , thanks for the good advice, however when you are that far away, you can't begin to think positive... your like what is that? Truly thanks though!!! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 7/14/2005 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Poor Kittycat27.... i think we know how you feel.. (not exactly, we all feel it differently, but we know what you're saying.... )

if i could make you feel better, i would.. in fact, funny how we tend to make ourselves feel better by trying to cheer up and help others... (the whole point of this site isn't it)

Ask yourself Kittycat... if one of your loved ones, came to you and expressed the feelings u are having.. what would you do? Would you tell them to give up and end it all? would you tell them they are correct in feeling that no one loves them???

I'LL BET- that you'd tell them you love them,
that you don't want them to go away,
that they are worth so much more than they imagine,
that the world wouldn't be the same without them,
you'd beg them to get help,
you would treat them with love and kindness....

Please treat yourself to the same courtesy and respect and love.. it's not your fault, you're sick.

PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS... or at least, the ones who understand....they have good reason to be worried about you, please please tell them and let them love you, and take care of you.. and let yourself keep going until the next good times come.

I'm sending you as many warm fuzzy positive lovey dovey vibes as i can...Hope they make it to you from Australia.

Just Keep Swimming.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/14/2005 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   
 Justkeepswimming, (((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you, I caught all the fuzzy vibes you sent me. Great advice and thank you for sharing some insight. I never been to Australia, is there more woman than men. Just curious I once heard that in my psychology classes. It has nothing to do with what we are discussing, just thought I would ask. I would love to take my daughter their!!! Maybe when I hit the lotto!!!! lol
                              Thanks, NIckie

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 7/14/2005 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nickie! Hugs and love ;~) i am sorry u r feeling bad, but guess what u aint goin'nowhere! Too many of us need you and would miss your intellect, love and warm heart!!!! I would have posted sooner, but I had to go to my Gastro (a day at the beach, I might add...LOL!) as my colitis is in a bad flare. So, guess what I get to take steroids! I cant wait...NOT!!!!!!! I will send u a pic of me with my new beard (hair growth is a side effect) next time u r having a bad day! Sound cool? Honey, TRY as hard as u can to think positive. Remember u r preaching to the choir (only I cant sing for s*it)LOL! And my dear, remember one thing, it isnt your daughter that keeps u alive..its NICKIE. Honey, I cant have kids and have a buttload of illneses and am suicidal on a weekly basis! But, 43 yers later here I sit ;~) And if I had a dollar for everytime I want and have threatened suicide, I could take me, you AND your daughter to Australia! Think about it. Congrats on the "B"! You go girl.

Love and Sunshine coming from South Florida,
Patti ;~)
Epilepsy (31 years) Depakote, Keppra-grand mals, Valium-myoclonic jerks
Colitis    (4 years)  Donnatal
Infertility (20 years)
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet w/Codeine
Depression (4ever) Effexor 150mg

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 7/14/2005 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
yea I guess when someone say think kinda wanna smack em.  Its easier said than done.  But hey it was the thought that counted right.  smurf    I give you full permission to blow sunshine up my ass next time I am feeling dumpy.  HAHAHA.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/15/2005 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
 Thanks Patti, I didn't realize that alot of people had thought of suicide. I guess ,it jus scared me because I never had thought that to that extreme. I am sorry you have to be put on steroids. My mom is currently on them due to an allergic reaction , to either a plant or flower in her rock garden. She said she gained a little weight. She can afford some, I tell her. She says not when you are oing through menopause. Pepperina30, I hope you didn't take what I said wrong,I hope you never get that down, I guess I would say the same thing to you. Thanks for trying to cheer me up, I really do understand! :-) To all that posted , if you ever need me let me know. ((((((((hugs and aapreciation))))))))))))))) to all! I am feeling much better, slept alot last night , still unwinding though. I will feel great tomorrow???? Hopefully, Love Nickie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 7/15/2005 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   

OMG Nickie, how did I miss this post!!!

I am so sorry I didn't respond, sweetie.  You said you're feeling much better now, thank God.  I know exactly how you feel, I have been there and it's awful.  I'm glad you have your daughter, lots of people say if it wren't for thier children depending on them, they would have done it.  

I have to agree when Pepperina said she wants to smack people who have no idea what this illness is like who say "just think positive"  UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  mad    I know they mean well, tho.

Keeping your mind occupied is great tho, and just a walk, like Danarx said can work wonders.  I know what it's like when you just can't seem to drag yourself out of bed.  Reading a good book or interesting magazine is good when you just can't be physically active, too.

I really do hope you get better each day, just know I (and everyone else here) is thinking of you, and sending our love. 


Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 7/15/2005 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
kittycat, glad to read that you are feeling better.
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