Patti, try to give it a little time first. I can't imagine how you must feel physically, but i do know how you feel mentally. I am afraid I cannot help you with your physical problems, as they are out of the realm of internal medicine. Steroids can make you feel euphoric at first, then when reduced or stopped cause a bad depression in some people, especially people who already suffer depression, as you do. It will pass, that part at least. Don't do anything drastic yet!
Do you have ANYBODY, you can call, a therapist or whoever treats you for your depression? Better yet, your depression is what is making you the most miserable right now (that's the only thing that makes us consider suicide). I really do suggest you get yourself not to the ER, but do a psychiatric hospital so they can stabilize you intensely. You need help, hon.
Why does your hubby live so far away, with you being sick and all? Are you separated? I know it's none of my business, but with more info, maybe some of us can come up with something to do. You are too close to the situation and aren't thinking clearly.
Please either get to a hospital or just resist the urge to kill yourself. You don't really want to do that, or you wouldn't have written in here.
Please let us know what is going on with you.
Hi, Patti, I am glad to see your still with us!
I think that's a very unfortunate situation. Why don't YOU put yourself in a hospital? Why do you need his permission? It's YOUR mental health, which at the moment isn't so hot!
I don't mean to sound bossy or mean, but you are in trouble, young lady! Sometimes it's really the hardest thing in the world to take control of our own mental health; the nature of the illness is that we can't think straight. But I know that you know you need immediate help, and that doesn't mean making an appointment with your GP or some family counselor! Please go either tonight or tomorrow. You have many other issues to deal with, (your marriage), but you cannot do that effectively unless you get some help. If you take control of it, and get on the proper psych meds, then when you start to feel a little better emotionally, you can work on sorting out what to do in your life to make things better. Obviously, your marriage can't be healthy with you living away because you don't fit in with other doctors' wives! Doesn't your marriage mean more to you than that? I do agree that your husband could make a tad less money and compromise here, tho. I am NOT saying it's your fault! What I see (from what you said so far) is two stubborn people who need to come to some kind of compromise. You need to work together. When you are apart, the emotional closeness fades away, and you can lose sight of what is really important. That should be each other above all else - money, social circle, whatever.
Don't get me wrong, I have been in the company of docs and their wives for many years, and I know exactly what you are saying. Nurses are better, aren't they LOL! I do understand, becuase I would never fit in there, either. Their wives are very empty and their only joy in life is spending their husbands money and celebrating the imperfections of others. It's sad, I agree. Being a doc's wife is hard, no matter how you slice it, but I really think given their schedules, the wife needs to be the hardest worker to keep it together. I get the feeling that he wouldn't be agreeable to marriage counseling, so if he's not, I suggest you go. You need some help there, too.
I believe marriage is sooooo important, especially to those of us with problems. We need to know someone is there to love us in spite of ourselves, and we need somebody to love, to take our minds off ourselves some, too. If there is any hope of making things better with your hubby, please try. Make that your project and you will have much less room to focus on your problems, physical or mental.
Well, if you didn't fall asleep or get pissed at me, thanks for listening. Everybody who knows me knows I have this insatiable need to help other people. I am opinionated, and sometimes I piss people off. I really need to try to learn the art of diplomacy, I'm told, haha! But you know what? It's only because I only comment on what I know, what I have been through. Relationships (the love kind) are kind of my specialty. I have had a million (unsuccessful, obviously), so I learned alot, but my marriage has taught me more than any of them. From living in seperate bedrooms for 2 years (no sex, obviously) to getting stable and having a dream marriage with ****o quality sex, haha! No joke. The love was always there, I was not. I believe it can be fixed, as long as both people want it to. Why not call up your hubby and arrange to cook a nice dinner, no one else at home, or go to a nice hotel and get away for a couple of days to talk about what you both want, becuase I don't think you can be too happy the way things are. Funny, I suffered IBS with major diarrhea and vomiting, was emaciated, depressed or manic, migraines, back pain, etc. my whole life. I was sick all the time. When I got it together with the psych meds, I haven't had so much as a cold in the past 2 years. It all went away. It is possible, Patti. You just have to want it enough to work your ass off to get it.
I do care, hon, I know it's hard. I know. But you sound like you do have a strong spirit, you're just worn down. It's not over, Patti.
Be strong, let us know how you are doing, OK?
Hey, Nickie! Funny you should say maybe it's bipolar, haha! I think so. Or maybe it's nurses! Most of the ones I've met over the years are opinionated and real good at telling other people what to do, but don't often follow their own advice, me included! Well, now I do, but it took a loooong time!
How are you today, Patti? Please write in and let us know, since we haven't heard from you today. We are thinking of you.
Patti, I e-mailed you did you get it. Please with all that is going on, let me know you are okay!
Hi friends and loved ones Before I go into "me" I want to start by saying to Nickie how terribly sorry I am for your loss. Lord knows how difficult it is in this world to find decent people, and then to lose him must be devastating. Always remember how much YOU mean to us ! And (not to sound like a 3rd grade teacher) what have we learned from Nickie's misfortune? That being blunt (like we all are..lol) may not be so bad. If only your friend had reached out to you like we do, things may have been different. Lets just do a quick test (humor me).Shannon, Nickie, Patti and Pepper: Highly opinionated, warm souls, giving/loving hearts, perfectionists, obsessive (sure there is more but my brain is little) all these things and more equal us 4 girls! No offense intended to anyone not mentioned, I am going by those that spoke regarding the post. So, I certainly believe that all these traits are part of the illness we share. Did I mention the 4 hottest chicks since Sex and the City,(what am I saying, THEY GOT NOTHING ON US!) Now, I will try to keep this short. I am feeling a lil better, I am seeing an improvement in my colitis and that is important. I got some pain meds from my Gastro for the headaches I am getting from the meds (can u say:vicious cycle!) Shannon, you said things I did not want to hear, even tho they were true and I thank you. Nickie, I didnt receive your email, but thank you for reaching out, and understanding who I am (I SO LOVED the "screw your neighbors" remark).Pepper, I am sorry u left Florida, we could be at the beach right now and I could have another neice! Speaking of neices, my sister is on her way over w/my neice, so let me stop crying and put my "Lauren" (my neice's name) face on. She gets so sad when I am sad. Unfortunately for you ladies, I still want to talk about my BAD day, but they will be here any minit. I will be back soon. You all mean so much to me. I just ask, where are you!!!
Love and good health,