He committed suicide.....

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/19/2005 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
You know i am at a lost for words at the moment as I sit here and write to you that my fortyeight yr. old friend committed suicide. After 5yrs. of sobriety due to a dx of hepatitis C and living well due to experimental research.All of the sudden over the last year, he had begun a new job loved what he was doing, and his wife had a good paying job. Except she wasn't happy and neither was he. She wasn't because she is what I like to call a " me " or " I" person . Nothing is ever good enough for her , and she does what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Well he was starting to get sick and tired of her constant trips to the bar. He didn't mind every once in awhile her going out, but she was getting ridiculous. The night or early morning of his death, someone got to talk with him, but this person didn't know him that well. He had started drinking that vening and had said that him and his wife had decided to get a divorce. First I knew of this. And that if he kept drinking he was going to die. The other person interpreted it like if he drank too much with the hepatitis , that would kill him. He went home that evening ( his wife stayed out all night) pulled her Harley out of the garage ( her precious little Harley) and he pulled her mail truck in ...............and well the next morning when she came home I am sure hung over, she found him. You know I sit here and cry , because he was one of the greatest men in the world. The most patient, tolerable, one of the best pool players I knew. I just didn't see any signs. The last person that talked to him , said he spoke of the depression he was going through and he felt he had no one to talk to. I think he thought everyone liked her better than him, when in all honesty we tolerated her and loved him! I am sorry this is so long, but I am grieving right now. I am in utter shock.It was like just 2 weeks ago when we all watched fireworks , played poker , and he wasn't drinking. What did I miss? I feel like s***. I apologize for the longevity of this post.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 7/19/2005 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
eyes  ((((((((((((((((((Nickie))))))))))))))))))) hugs,
I know you need lots of hugs right now sister as you are going through this time of greif and loss.  And I wish I could give it in person.  I am so sorry you have to go through this.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 7/19/2005 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   


sorry to hear about your loss. sometimes people don't show any signs of them being in trouble. Try not to take it out on yourself that you missed something.

take care and know I will be thinking of you,


"It is not easy to live life sometimes and face the world with a smile when you're crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself, hold on to that strength that's still there, and know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. But if you can hold on long enough to see this through, you'll come out a new person - stonger, with more understanding and with new pride in yourself from knowing you made it"       Kathy Obara
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 7/19/2005 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I learned over the years there isn't any magic words for greiving.  It hurts and it will hurt.  My sugggestion, take extra care of yourself.  Be very aware of what your doing and what you feel.  Make sure that this pain doesn't send you on a self destruct mode.  Remember you are cared for and loved and I know you don't know me well, but we are all here.  This is a process.
I have lost a total of 9 friends in 15 years to suicide, murder and overdoses.  All drug related.  I know your pain, trust me when I say, this too shall pass. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 7/20/2005 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
It's ironic that I read this today kittycat....as today is the anniversary of my father's suicide 20 years ago. I'm not saying this to minimize your shock and pain...just to say that I understand it. It is a devastating blow to all concerned. I have learned to cope better with it...after all these years and therapy. All I can say is that it will take time for you to process it. My prayers are with you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 7/20/2005 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, wow, Nickie.  I am so sorry, it is the ultimate loss when it's suicide.   I don't know what to say, I'm just so sorry for him and for your grief.  I do know how much losing someone hurts, tho.  Please be careful not to let it put you into a tailspin, please.  
I'll give you all the virtual hugs you need, too, just know that I care, just like everyone else here. 

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/30/2005 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks to all who responded with care. I greatly appreciate it. It has been only a short time since his death, but I feel like he is around. It is very hard to explain. You see I have a hard time believing in things or just believing things I cannot see. That is to be said about alot of things I challenge in my life. My friends believe in arterlife, ghosts, reincarnation, etc... I on the other hand , do not know what to believ. I keep myself educated with things , so as to know if they do bring it up I at least know what they are talking about. My mom is stict catholic, I was baptised catholic , but always went to a protestant (sp) church. Just a few years ago I strated to question my religion and all others. Finding mysself reading all sorts of things. Anyways, how do you know what to believe in , and will you be punished for chosing the wrong one. Anyone believe in Armagadeon? My mom firmly does, and thinks I am crazy not to explore the idea that it could happen? I guess as my 28 b-day approaches I find myself questioning alot of things in my life?! What if, why, how, when,
...... I know this doesn't relate to BP, but I feel confused and possibly mislead.
                sad Nickie
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