I am staring over.

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 7/30/2005 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
 Okay I don't really ever talk about my relationship that much. Just the other day , Jason made a comment about my medicine . I didn't think I told him that the doc increased it,but apparently I did. He told me exactly how much mg 's I was on each med. May not sound that important to you, but to me I looked at him in a different light. Jason is extremely quiet, I am extremely talk-a-tive. So I used to get mad all the time , because I felt like he didn't listen or communicate enough. Well for the past 2 months., he has been trying alot harder. It almost makes me nervous, but I know he loves me , I am just always used to pushing him away. Now I feel like trying myself. Anyways, I never felt like it before but the single comment made me aware that he does care and listen, maybe he just doesn't always know what to say and how to say it. Comment or responses, are great. I am willing to listen to people that have ben in a long relationship. We split up for 1.5 yrs, have been together since 1998. Wow, like 7 years, well 6. I must love something about him, lol, I am not good with relationships though.I can be a me person myself, he knows that and doesn't seem to mind.
Thanks for listening.Nickie 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 8/1/2005 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, Nicki, the man adores you!!  A. for him to stick with you that long despite your being "crazy".  Most men flee when the "colors" start to show. 
B. He knows all the mgs of your meds?  Who does that except the docs?  Half the time, patients have no idea!  That is even more important than you think.  Think of if you were so manic you lost touch with reality and couldn't tell anyone at the hospital, or if you had a medical emergency and were unconscious.  He would know.  That's love and devotion.  You darn well better start treating him right, even better than that, haha!
For a long term to work, you seem to have all the ingredients except letting yourself love him completely.  Don't be afraid; it sounds like he is there for the long haul.  I know it's scary, because you are used to losing everyone around you at some point because of your behaviour.  But there are the occasional guys who stick around because they see the potential, the person you can be.  Not that it's all bad!   If you were just a monster all the time, he would be gone, who would blame him, lol.   I'm sure you are a very sweet woman with a temper, just like all of us.   And scared to death of commitment.  Thing about men is, when they finally do fall in love for real, they fall hard. and the ones who do stick it out.  Wouldn't it be great if you got "fixed" and were nice to him (almost)  all the time?  Let me tell you, it's the best feeling in the world.  I never had experienced it until last year.  I was so scared of losing my mania that I wouldn't stick it out on meds, you know how that is I'm sure, we all do.Even at the age of 39, I still hadn't figured out that' s the reason and the ONLY reason I lost so many people who at one time had loved me, not just men.  Now it's crystal clear.
Has he made any noises about perhaps getting married?  I bet he has, but maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe you should just take some time (what little you have, lol) and really consider that.  If you love him the way he loves you, it might not be a bad idea!  (Preferably after you get better, haha).  Do you already live together?
I find it kinda peculiar why you haven't mentioned him; we're all so open about our lives, as far as I know.  Oh, well, I'm glad you did! smurf
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