Oh, honey I am so sorry you are suffering so much. The one saving grace you have is your husband - thank god for him! I am blessed with a hubby like yours, it's rare, please think about that daily.
OK, you are a f****** mess! What the hell is "carelink"? Did I understand you correctly that you are on 80mg Prozac? and that's all? Not even a mood stabilizer? BPs are NOT to be on SSRI antidepressants! They cause mania, panic, nervousness and anxiety. They work opposite on on us. Besides, the reason you are still depressed is because you have "Prozac poop out". SSRI ADs only last a few months in most cases, then they quit, have to be raised or switched. Anyway, it's a non issue. You have wayyyyyyy more going on than BP, hon, you have had a major trauma in your childhood (studies show almost all of us suffered some type of abuse as children). You have social anxiety disorder, depression/anxiety, avoidance personality, and OCD. All these latter ones, except the avoidance, are way common. But mix them with BP, and you have a monster. A mood stabilizer will help, with a calming agent like Klonopin, used often in BPs, it works better for us than xanax, ativan, etc. YOu didn't mention trying lithium, why not? It's usually the first drug tried, it really does work the best in most cases, and some studies show it also controls depression somewhat in addition to mania. I know you think depression is your only problem, but it's not. Your Prozac is aggravating your other problems.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, these are suggestions you need to discuss with a GOOD pdoc who gives a crap. Here they are:
Mood stabilizer: lithium works most effectively for most and is dirt cheap. Depakote in a SMALL dose at first! The reason for the zombie feeling is too much to start more than likely, it is not known for zombie feeling when tapered up slowly. Start low and work up, say 500mg a day, then 1000 mg, etc. Or lithium put you on Neurontin wasn't too up on things, it doesn't work, neither does Geodon.
Antidepressant: Lamictal/welbutrin combo or just Lamictal if welbutrin doesn't agree with you is the antidepressio of choice for BPs, and works much better than the SSRI antidepressants everyone else takes. True, Prozac works on OCD, but if we get all the other under control, you may find it lessens as well.
Antianxiety: Klonopin as needed, most effective in BPs typically.
Atypical antipsychotic: for sleep and general calming, of course for psychosis if you become manic: Seroquel is the best, doesn't affect weight, very effective and very adjustable dosage; Abilify is new and also worth a try.
Most BPs with all these problems (we usually have them all) are on one of each of these. We usually don't do well with just a stabilizer, it doesn't cover the other problems besides mania, except lithium can help in some cases, but still the Lamictal and/or welbutrin added usually helps immensely.
Mind you, the drug AND the dosage are important. Don't write off a medication because you experience unpleasant side effect the first day or two. Call the doc if you do IMMEDIATELY, instead of stopping it and claiming it doesn't work/made you worse. It may be too much. You should always start low and work up to avoid freaking out or zombie effect.
Do you scratch your skin because of the irritability? Does your skin feel like it's crawling, hair feels like it's standing up? I had this and did the same thing, I still do once in a while if people touch me when I'm super irritable. It's a miserable feeling, I know, you just want to jump out of your skin.
BTW I'm 40 and only decided to get stable (ultimatum from my hubby after dealing with me for 10 years) last year, and it sucked going through an awful depression (crash) for a couple of months, but I can't tell you how worth it is!!!!!!! This is when most of us say "f*** it, this sucks, I'm not taking meds anymore!" Being stable is heaven compared to the hell we live in otherwise. I never experienced it in my first 39 yrs of life and had no idea it could be like this. Real enjoyment of life, real happiness, not the fake perceived euphoria that is fleeting and then hell again. Sure, I still have mood swings but they are soooooooo minimal compared to nonmedicated and the unpleasant ones only last a day or two. Obviously, my hubby is on top of the world, and it's like we just met and are dating, literally. I'm no longer selfish. I give, I compromise, I don't have to have everything my way. I don't try to justify everything. I'm not a perfect angel, for sure, but sooooooo much better than I ever was. I thnk most of us are beautiful, sensitive, careing compassionate souls who are lost inside an ugly outer shell because we're sick. Not to mention the horrible things we do. I have cheated (once), I ran off with some loser I had only know for 3 weeks (for 12 days, was basically held hostage, long story) and all I wanted was to go home the day I left actually. I bankrupted us (47K in credit cards in a matter of a few months), and treating my husband like s*** all along, with being nice sometimes in between. There are more things, of course, but those are the worst. No more, I wouldn't even CONSIDER doing those things in my right mind; cannot BELIEVE that was ME! I will regret those things the rest of my days, I think about them daily and cannot forgive myself. Yet my precious husband stuck by me because he knew I was ill. I know he's a gift from god, and I treat him like one every day, as if it's our last together.
Getting better is worth the journey and the search for the right combination (cocktail) of medicines. Please don't give up. The key is learning all you can about BP and working WITH your pdoc, even suggesting the meds YOU want to try. Being in constant contact if something isn't right before it gets full blown, which is then harder and longer to treat. don't worry about bugging him, you are paying him, he works for YOU. Even if carelink is some free service, he took an oath to help you. It's his responsibilty and his JOB. He gets paid either way.
I'm glad you found us we are here to help and there are AWESOME people here, like Pats said, Pats, me and Nickie are the most regular people here everyday usually throughot the day. We know a LOT about it, so please ask any questions you have, OK? and you can say ANYTHING here about what you have done, what you are experiencing now, etc. We will help as much as we possibly can.
Pats, thank you for the kind words about me and Nick, but you also support us and mean the world to us, too!
Love to all,