Oh God everyone! I am just losing it. I cant stop crying and want to DIE!!!!!! I have been w/o service and have been catching up on posts and LIFE is so ironic. Ellie, Sandra, Nickie...you all have these lives that are so full with your children and all and some of u have financial probs that make life so difficult, all u want is some peace and freedom. Then there is me...I have money, a good husband that caters to everything I need or want. He and I live in 2 seperate homes because of the Hurricane that hit last year, he is on the West Coast of Florida (that is where he works..mostly sleeps at the hospital as they are re-doing our entire house due to the hurricane) and I am in our home in Ft. Laud. and he will have 10 days off and come here...he goes to the store, gets all the food I need (I am a skeleton due to my ulcerative colitis), takes care of all my meds (see illnesses below), gets me cigarettes even tho we fight about
that cuz he HATES that I smoke. Takes me to doctor appts., etc. The only thing I do is laundry. I have a cleaning girl every 2 weeks, weekly pool guy, weekly yard man. Two nice new vehicles, one of which is mine that sits in the garage collecting dust, closets full of clothes, shoes, bags, etc. And you know what I WOULD GIVE IT ALL AWAY JUST TO HOLD MY BABY IN MY ARMS, AND HEAR HE/SHE CALL ME MOMMY. I ENVY u girls so bad. All I ever wanted was a child and I couldnt get pregnant and did 3 rounds of in vitro and finally threw in the towel. We had another hurricane hit us but on the Ft. Laud. side this weekend. Well, my cousin, her fiance his 2 kids and her 2 kids (6 people) plus my niece that lives in Ft. Lauderdale staying with me Thursday-Sunday and I had the BEST weekend EVER. I told Kevin (hubbie) that it was better than a month long trip to Europe. I LOVE BEING SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE!!! I took 2 of her kids to the mall and bot them Homecoming dresses and they were SOOOOOO appreciative. All I did was cry. They think I am some sort of freak, I know it. My cousin's fiance was in my hottub and said, "Patti, I think I have died and gone to Heaven, u have your own little resort right here"!!! But, I AM MISERABLE!!!!! I know u all are thinking "Why not adopt?" Well, had I not have developed my Colitis fter the in vitro we probably would have. I am just now in remission (thanks to the steroids...yuck!!!!) after 5 years of 10-20 diarreah bowel movements a day, plus all the other bull...I am sorry but i am so hysterical i cant even see to type!!!! just remember everyone...Watch out for what u wish for, you just may get it. Ill be back when I can see. Take care all.
Love to you all and your little ones,
Epilepsy (31 years) Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed
Colitis (5years) Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote and Effexor 150mg
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day