I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly. I so wish that I could offer more than words to help you. Have you thought about
maybe taking in some foreign exchange students? That way you can lavish treats and love on them, but they won't weigh you down so much that your health suffers. Heck Patti, right now I'd gladly send you mine with bows on him!!!
I know that having your own (I'm including adopted in that catagory) would be different than just having a visiting child. But, on the other hand, to nurture and protect a child from harm, to see that they are fed and rested and do their homework, and stay out of trouble, even if they call you Patti is giving a gift that is immeasurable. You yourself are the treasure to share. You share those things now, here, with us. You protect, guide, advise, educate, all the things a good parent should do. So I know you would be fantastic at it no matter which road your "parenting" took. I'm sorry, I not 100% back to my self yet, so if I have put something badly here let me apologize in advance. But what I mean to say is that you are great! and I hope you consider finding a way to share all that greatness!! And Patti, don't want to die, strictly from a selfish point of view, I would simply miss you just way way way to much young lady!!
Bipolar brings new meaning to the "Little Ups And Downs Of Life!!"