I'm a 36 year old male, married for almost 4 years to a woman I've been with since we were about
18. I've read many threads here, and some read like a carbon copy of my now fractured life and marriage. I'm here to get some feedback, advice, support, and insight into my wife's illness. Maybe even some closure to my marriage.
Almost 4 years ago I married a woman I thought I knew everything about
. We had been living together for 10 years, and I felt lucky that she stuck it out with me that long without getting a ring on her finger. I had never witnessed any behavior from her that would indicate she had any mental illness. Then everything changed.
a month and half after our wedding, I noticed a profound change in my wife's personality. It was as if a different person had arrived. When I tried to talk to her about
it, she simply withdrew from me. She looked me dead in the eye and told me that she never wanted to marry me, and eventually that said she wanted to leave. My life now in a tail spin, and not knowing what I was actually dealing with - I consulted a divorce attorney who recommended that I check our phone records. I did and discovered that she was carrying on a relationship with a guy she worked with, calling 10-15 times a day and numerous texts. She was even getting up in the middle of the night from our bed to call this person. The following six months were hell, but eventually we sought marital counseling and reconciled. I begged her to get help, she never did. However I could tell that she was never quite the same.
We made the best of it for about
3 years, and then the pattern started again - withdrawal, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, extra marital, smoking, threats, and then finally she left the home again. I asked for a divorce, and she threatened to kill herself and got her "friend" to threaten to kick my...you know what all in the span of about
36 hours. My life has been turned upside down.
a week ago she finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed her as bipolar. My wife admitted that she knew she had something wrong before we even were married. However a couple of days later - another suicide threat the night before we were to have a divorce mediation appointment. This time I had to call 911 and get her whole family involved.
While I'm starting to understand the difficulties with this disease, the pain, loss, and loneliness I'm experiencing from this can be over whelming. I love this person, or rather the person she used to be - and I'm devastated watching her destroy herself. She just started medication, but we don't know how long it will take, or if it will help. In the meantime we have been living apart for months even though I beg her to come home.
I'm trying to separate the disease behavior from the person I know, but the events that are happening as a result of it are real, and painful. Basically we know now that she went for 4 years (or more) untreated. Now the behavior is far off the charts bad compared to the last big episode. She wont come home, she wont divorce me, and we are living in this bizarre relationship where she calls and texts me like we are still a normal married couple everyday. To be fair, I call her too - because I am scared what she might do or who she is doing it with.
Post Edited (sevenyearsdown) : 7/28/2014 7:28:57 AM (GMT-6)