Hi my loved ones. Before I go into my "issue", just want to say how much I appreciate you all, everytime I think my family is trying to accept me BP or whatever it is and all, then they hurt me..WHAT CAN I DO!!!!! I am so confused
Here goes......Sat. I was at my sister's for my niece's B-day party. Was feeling VERY psycho, but knew I couldnt let anyone down, so I forced my smile and funky personality so we would ALL have a good day, and all of us tht are ill know how difficult that is. So, we had a good day (or so I thought) her friends were emailing her Sunday telling her how much fun they had and how much fun her Aunt is. So, her B-day present from me was a shopping spree, so she spent the night w/me on Sat. and when we got here my televisions in my bedroom and the living room werent working, but the upstairs one was working, I clled the cable company and they were trying to help me..to no avail. I then called my husband and he was getting ready for work (the nite shift and he is always stressed when he has to go to work, and he is nasty to me...telling me that I "pushed a wrong button and I better figure out what is going on!") Well, duh..if I could have done that i wouldnt have called him!!!!!!!!!!!! So, then came MY mistake (as usual) I called my sister for some support as I was crying and freaking out. I know it was just a TV, but I knew my niece wanted to watch it (at the time I didnt know the upstairs one was working) nd I was worried about
letting my husband down cuz I can never do anything right. Anyway, I was calling my neighbor to see if they were hving probs, also (maybe a power surge or something), my bro-in-law was calling on the other line and I have voice mail not an answering machine, and missed his call. I then picked up the phone to call another neighbor and I heard the tone that lets me know someone has left a message..I then called him (bro-in-law) back. I explained that I didnt know he called but called him right back-like 3 minits after he left the message! (I have had voice mail for 15+ years) I said, Randall I didnt get the message as I have voice mail. He then said, "So how did u know I called?" I felt he was accusing me of being dishonest (please tell me if I am wrong you guys). He told me "let me talk to Lauren (my niece, his daughter), and u hang up," Well, I could hear every word he was saying as he was yelling, "Lauren get your things together, I am coming to get u", She says "Why, Dad", he says "Pat is acting like a crazy person, saying she is going to stranger's houses to see if they can help her." Lauren says, "No dad she didnt..she is going to Scott's and Ross's, the neighbors she KNOWS, not strangers to see if they can help her, I want to stay here w/Aunt Patti" then my sister gets on the phone w/Lauren and says, "Lauren are u OK? she says yes Mom, why wouldnt I be?" Sis says, "Are u sure u want to stay or do u just feel sorry for Aunt Patti" Lauren says, I dont know what that means..sis says"You always feel bad for our Aunt because she is alone, do u want us to come and get you?" Lauren says, "No, mommy, I want to stay here w/Aunt Patti". I still havent stopped crying, my eyes are the size of watermelons (but of course I still took her shopping for 6 hours) and I am sick, my colitis back w/a vengence (Diareahh...10xa day since then). Kevin is FURIOUS, he wants to call them and tell them how he feels, but he knows that they will NEVER speak to us again, which they never will anyway! But, I will not let him. I just do nt understand!!!! How can they treat me like this when they know I have NEVER EVER put my niece at risk, and never would. My brother in law has some things that we could dis him about
, but we know it isnt his fault, so why would we???? So, I just dont understand why they are treating me like this. I am doing EVERYTHING I can do to get better, going to a pdoc, trying as hard as I can to keep my psycho ways under control as they are my family and I dont want these issues. PLEASE tell me what I did wrong??? I have been racking my brain trying to figure it out..I know I over reacted as it was just 2 TVs, but my brother in law misunderstood what I was saying and, once again I am the BAD GUY!!!!! WHY!!!!!!! Maybe all this and my husband also over reacting may make you all understand why I constantly wish I was dead. I even told Lauren when she left last nite, if you guys want to do the barbecue tomorrow, have your Mom call me....It is now 4:30, and NOTHING. I need your opinions/advice as to what I did wrong and what to do now. Thanks in advance and sorry this is so long. I hope u all had a grrrrreeeeaaaattt weekend!