Today is bad. I have hit depression. This is the first time I have cried in a while, although oday is or would of been my pap's b-day. But someone wanted him more than me I guess. I am tired and beat , and really don't know what to write. But I do know how I feel. I would also like to say i am truly sorry if I have hurt anyone in any way , shape or form. I can't see how I am , when I am hypo or manic till days later when I go back and read soem of my posts. So I think I have been hateful, nasty and rude, but I am sick.I just want you to know before you cast any judgement on me. I accept everyone here for who they are, and I am just wanting the same in return. ..... So please understand that I am going through a very tough time , and my stress level is excruiating. I noticed that yesterday at school, my surg tech. peple got to see a side of me, that i didn't want them to see. I have another year with these girls. I was embarassed today and apologized, there response was that of sorry nicole, we knew something was wrong, glad your better today. i really snappped at some rude people in my physics class, and 4 girls from my surg classes are in there. i want to go to the doc, but am having trouble getting there, like feeling physically run down. No one at school knows I am Bipolar except my Instructor , that's only becasue it's on my physical. i hope the girls just thought i was ahving a stressful day, I don't want them to know. (fear) Anyways, my pap and I were close , and I miss him. This has been waying on me for a long time. My nan said today, why can't husbands and wives go at the same time , I broke down. She has already bought her place right next to him at the cementary. It's creepy when I go to put flowers there, her name is there. I am closer to her than my mom, she accepts me for me, and loves me soooooo much. i am the only grand-daughter out of the four of us. So me and her are really close. She cried most of the day, and I left schoolearly to be with her. I have a hard time with death and understanding it. i know I am young, but I just would of thought I could be storng for my nan and I couldn't. Well thanks for reading. It helps ease the pain to type. Wish you all well, talk later.