My lack of confidence affects my performance

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/13/2005 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
 Hi guys made an apointment with my doc for friday, only day off from school. My problem is that everytime I do a checkoff, I think I am gonna fail or suck or whatever. I have no self confidence. I am always thinking I can't do something , when i know what I am doing. This is becoming a problem, today my heart was racing and a girl was doing her check off on me, and vice versa. Well normally my Blood Pressure is 118/76 and today i wa so freakin nervous is was 140/80. I casue myself to panic and end up doing a little worse than I wanted to . I kept thinking about her ( my instructor) saying that usually one person fails mock surgery and you have to wait till next year and re-apply to the program. All I kept thinking was oh yeah that is gonna be me. I feel so behind .... I did checkoff on open gloving today and was the last one , not by choice and my instructor said perfect. When some girls had to redo theirs a few times. Each time your grade drops. I just feel like I don't believe in myself, and this isn't normally like me. Is there anything i can do to calm down before these checkoffs, they are causing my performance to be less than I anticipated. i am doing well, but I almost have anxiety or panic attacks. I don't know what to do. I am feeling the overwhelming amount of stress starting to kick in. I don't know how to delegate all the things I have to do. Like there is not enough time in the day, unless I stay up really late, then I feel like sh** the next day. Everyone is watching every move you make, understandidbly so, but I hate when people are what I feel like to be staring. i took a stress management class before but don't think that helped not to mention I don't have anymore time. Anyways, thanks for listening. I feel lost! sad Nickie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/13/2005 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   

hey, Nickie, I totally understand that, too.  It's like, if people would just leave you alone, you would be perfect!  mad You haven't messed up yet, have you?  Just scared you will?

You know darn well you're good!  Better than good!   Sometimes, I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes if you breathe deeply in and out, concentrate on your breathing and run it over in your head right before the "test", it will calm you.  Or, for sure, you can take some Klonopin, as long as that doesn't interfere with your thinking.  Probably a combo of the two would be even better!  (Better living through modern day chemistry, lol).

At least you know when it's coming, you can get a jump on it.  I wish I could help you more, but there's only so much.   I hate that!

You do need to figure out the delegating!  Does Jason help out?  He needs to, and he should!  Your sleep is way important, you know that, if you don't get it you won't be doing well the next day and your moods will be all over the place.  Have a talk, for what good it'll do lol with Jason and tell him why you need his help. 

Mostly, don't start doubting your abilities, that's all you need!  You are better than most, I bet, not just saying that but we do tend to overachieve!  

Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/13/2005 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Shannon, and no I haven't screwed up yet. It's the whole scary thing... fear of failure. Oh that bugs me so bad. Alot of people are expecting me to do so well, I don't really care so much about that is that I don't want to screw this up for me. I have been in school so long, I am the professional student in all studies. I have like 45 cr. hours in various classes with a high gpa, my problem is I try it all, and i want to do this and it would be devasting if I didn't make it. I know think positve tongue and better delegating on my part. Anyways, I know there isn't much to say .. but thanks for hearing me. Klonopin is this a anxiety pill , nerve pill. I used to like ativan, yes , no? Let me know before Friday. Luv Nickie

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 9/13/2005 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/14/2005 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Nickie! I know its always easy to tell others what to do, however its so difficult to take our OWN advice. Remember you can only do what you can do. We all have the utmost faith in you, not just cuz we love you, but beccause the proof is in the pudding (your GPAs). I TOTALLY agree w/Shan (as Take 3 deep though the nose and out the mouth. I learned this in Yoga and I swear it works, and YOU KNOW WHAT A FREAKIN' PSYCHO I AM. If it works for me it will work for you. I remember when I was in training, as fr as educated I only have my 2 year, so talk about being insecure..most of them had masters degrees (Financial planning) and i am this mental case from Ohio (even tho I was living in Fl) and I would have to go to Wall street in Manhattan and make presentations....I would freak the entire day and nite before. But, my love I am not as smart as you and i pulled it off, and so will you!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody hates me as much as I hate myself (except my, so trust me I totally understand the self-confidence issue. But my love,many of the most intelligent people feel the anxiety "Oh no, I am going to fail" kinda thing. Where the uneducated losers think they are all that and more!!!!! (Can u say Tom Cruise)Think about it. I am sure u will agree. YOU WILL SUCCEED!

Love ya' babe,
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05  I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day 
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia                                                                                                                                          

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