Quote: A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.
This is not me. At times, I do have manic-like symptoms. Such as staying up all night to get the house cleaned when it has finally gotten so messy that I can't stand it anymore. But with-in 12 hours after doing so, I crash, and then go into a depressed state because I am so tired. 36 hours is about my limit, and it doesn't last anywhere near a week. This happens probably twice a year.
I can't say that I ever have a truely increased energy level, because it isn't that I feel like cleaning the house, it's that it has just gotten out of control and I can't take it any more, or we have company coming or something.
I never have euphoric moods. I have days when I feel better about myself than other days. When I don't know why I am always so hard on myself, because I do clean up okay, and my husband does love me, and I do carry a lot of responsiblity. But I don't have days when I feel like super-woman. I have days when the future seems brighter than other days, but not that I can say to an extreem.
I do have irritability. But that can be part of the depression, too. I am irritable usually because I am just tired and exhausted. Not because I think others are slow or stupid. I do get irritated that even with all my problems, I try to smile and be kind and other people (in public) just ignore it, or run over top of me or my kids, ect. Rudeness irritates me. And I feel like there are a lot of rude people in the world.
Ocassionally I do think that I have racing thoughts and jump from one idea to another, but I don't think this coincides with the better self-esteem days, or the cleaning days. It more coincides with days when it seems there is more to do than hours in the day.
I can always sleep. 12 hours of sleep are not unusual, but I love to sleep longer, if I can. That is where it is safe and warm and everything is happy. That's where I want to be.
Sometimes I spend more money than I should, but I have gotten better about that as I have gotten older. We don't have any credit cards, we are getting all of our utilities and loan pmts (house and car) paid. Sometimes I will dip into the house pmt money to buy a new pair of shoes, or go out to eat, but I try to make sure that there will be money to put back for it before the payment is due. I bounce a check occasionally, but not lots. I don't make $200 purchases out of the blue for no reason. I'm more guilty of having a very bad depressed day and using money that I shouldn't to get McDonald's so I don't have to cook.
I have increased sex drive as my hormones fluctuate. That's a pretty predictable pattern. I have been married for 9 years and have never cheated on my husband. So I can't say that I am promiscuous (spelling?)
I am not aggressive nor do I provoke things. Like anyone else, sometimes I get fed up with being treated in an unfair or unkind manner and I will say something. However, I have never been in a physical fight or even a heated verbal exchange. I am really more meek, and am more likely to let someone keep pushing my buttons until I just can't stand it anymore than to start a fight.
If I were going to be addicted to drugs, it would be painkillers. However, as much as I don't mind when the dr. prescribes codine when I have bronchitis, I have never gone and bought drugs off the street. I will take Lortabs 2 or 3 times a year for menstral cramps. But they are always prescribed for me, so the doc knows what I am taking. I don't think I am addicted to drugs. And I do drink occasionally, but I can't remember the last time I got drunk, so I know I'm not an alcoholic.
And I'm not in denial, because I know there is something wrong. I'm just not sure what it is at this point. However, I am pretty sure I'm not bp. I am quitting the meds and I got a list of other providers from the insurance company, so I am looking for a new doc, too.
On the flip side, if I disect the depression symptoms, they are me, word for word. If I had to diagnose myself, it would be with Major Depressive Disorder, not bp.
So, any thoughts, ideas? Am I doing the right things? Thank you for your help and advice. It is all very appreciated.