That is a long time to be unstable, it makes me curious, do you have these bad spells a lot or do you ever get better?
You asked, what would I do? Well, I have had bipolar I , mixed episode, rapid cycling, for 15 years, much less than you, so I can imagine it is frustrating to say the least. I would never give up. I read and read and read about meds so I am a partner in my own care, and I ask that my Dr work with me, not against me for starters. And when I feel like absolute dog poo ( I know they don't like us to swear on this board so I am trying to be good) I fight, read a book that can give me a smidge of hope, reach out to someone, come to this board, and wait for it to pass, as it always does for me. They have put me through a lot of drug changes, and there were times I wanted to quit and just be "normal" (whatever that is) but the reality is I am bipolar. I have a Dr who blasts me for drinking, calls me on my stuff, and fights tirelessly to get me on the right meds. he ensures I am prepared for when I crash (usually!). Do you have a good reltshp with your doc? Pdoc?
Psychnurse made a good point about the Lith levels-mine weren't even therapeutic, I didn't stabilize til I went up in dose. It can be nasty, but I find as I adjust it is less bothersome. (that's at 1200 mg, more than I intially was ok with!!)
Well, here i go, blabbing on. You sound so depressed, I hope this post wasn't too blabby. You just can't give up,I feel so passionate about it.
PS-are you sleeping ok?