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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 9/1/2015 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   
i am feeling hopeless and helpless. i've been working temporary jobs since moving to a new city this past winter. it's been a good way to stay employed, without letting people find out how crazy depressed i am. i think i may have really messed up this time. when i do things, in the moment, i think they're rational. i think on some level i know they're not. i don't know. lamictal didn't work for me. everything makes me nervous, guilty, suicidal. i haven't brushed my teeth or showered in days. and i don't care. the temp agency called me and left a 'just wanted to follow up' voicemail. i don't want to call them back, because i can't be rejected again. i can't. i need to stop crying. i need to eat. but i can't make myself do anything.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4428
   Posted 9/2/2015 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
*Hugs* BlueMoon.

Maybe a change in meds is in order for you. I would suggest you talk to your doctor about it. Are you attending therapy presently?

We have down days. Sometimes we need a break. But to get back on track, we have to push ourselves and force ourselves to do things we do not feel like doing. This includes getting out of bed, and other simple tasks which can be tedious when we are depressed. Take small steps. Take a nice shower. It may help you feel a bit better.
I agree, you need to eat. Please try and eat something even if it's a little. You my not have an appetite but you need to eat to get your strength.
When you feel overwhelmed, remember to breathe. Take some deep breaths.
Do you have any new friends or co-workers in this new city? Maybe you can go out with them, see a movie, something to help you feel a bit better.

Take small steps. Sorry about the job issue. I think taking the temporary job is a good start for you. You would gain experience with them.

I hope things get better for you soon. Please know that we are here for you. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 9/2/2015 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
ua, and everyone reading this: thank you.

your kind words mean more than you know. today is worse than yesterday. with the exception of going to the bathroom (two feet from my bedroom door), i have not left my bed in a couple days. i'm not eating. i have some family around the city, but i have already burdened them with my "problems". even as i write this, i am mad at myself for not being able to get up or go outside. it's too scary. i lost my temporary job, and am too depressed to keep looking. i have calls in to some agencies, and have been told that they'll "be in touch", but am not hopeful. my heart hurts. i'm not sure how it's possible, but right now i feel numb and pained at the same time. like i know i shouldn't feel catatonic, but i can't help it. i want my mom. i want my dad. i want someone to make this pain go away, and it scares me to think that i'm the only one who can do that. i don't care enough. i can't. i'm sick of being a burden to everyone.
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

40 mg Viibryd...

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20048
   Posted 9/2/2015 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
moon. sorry about what is happening. I think this is an important adjustment time to get ya meds sorted and other allied help. reach out mate. we care about you. sorry I have not been as active, got a very unwell brother I am trying to help. many healing thoughts.



Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4428
   Posted 9/3/2015 4:52 AM (GMT -7)   
BlueMoon, the first step is asking for help. Your relatives should be willing to help. Reach out to your mom and dad. They may not know how you're feeling or struggling unless you let them know.
Contact them and ask for help.

Maybe today try one thing. Call your parents or go outdoors. Choose something and go for it. Take small steps.

Please also remember to contact your doc about your med.

We are here for you.

Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2012
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 9/7/2015 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi BlueMoon. I am new to this forum but not to Bipolar. I can so relate to
where you are at now. Those rotten dog days. The moderator is so right
in the fact that you really need to reach out for help. You have made one good
step and posted here and talked to all of us. Use that same energy to call
your Dr. Make that a priority for the day. Your one and only task. You definatly
need some new help with meds. You are really in the bottom of the pit-need
I say. Now, the task is to take the right steps to get you out of this.

Has this ever happened to you before? The Depression so rock hard?
I get it. There are several degrees of depression and you are really suffering
right now. I can relate to it so well. I have been in that very same pit.
Felt no hope. Could not see any way things could possibly get better.

My family made me go see a psychiatrist. They could not stand seeing me in
this way any more. Dr. started me on meds and I could start to feel some
subtle changes. It took quite a bit of time and patience to find the right
meds for me but as we did things started to seem less bleak. Along
with talk therapy I eventually dug my way out of that hole. Man is it
dark down there. That is my biggest fear today-returning to that state I
was in.

I can promise you this-there is hope for you out there. You just can't
feel it right now. But you NEED to make that phone call to your Dr.
That is the only way to get out of this.

I know you mentioned you have family around. I am sure they would want
to help you if you just let one of them know actually how bad off you are.
Sounds like you have been in lock down and they prob. don't have any
clue how hurting you are. You are not a burden to anybody. You are just
simply sick right now. You are not well and need to be tended to.

I feel so bad for you. I really do. I know that paralyzing feeling you get.

You just really need to work up the courage and call somebody. Living like
you are now is not life. It is hell. And you can get help for it. Please trust
me when I say I know exactly how bad you are feeling. It's beyond horrible.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know from somebody who has been there
that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even though you are not able to
see it. Trust us. Listen to what others have advised. You can get out of
this mess.

Ohhhhh.....I wish I could give you a giant hug right now. That pain you
have now is my shadow. It's behind me. You can do this!!!!

You have done a very good thing for yourself reaching out here. I know
that is not easy. But you did it! Now use that same yearning to be better;
channel this energy and call somebody that can help you. Your Dr. would
be a great first start.

Feel free to IM me or email me. I would be more than happy to talk
this through with you. It's been seven wonderful years since I was
like you. My life has completely turned around for the better. Sure
I still get my ups and downs but thankfully I have never gone back
to where I was.

I wish you well in this journey. It may seem like a long
windy road but it will take you in the right direction.

All my best,

Bipolar, Panic Disorder, General Anxiety, ADD, Addiction, Depression and achy bones!

Love is the ultimate healer.

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2016
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/16/2016 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Get up. Get help. Its the only way moon. I know i hate going in to adk for help, telling the same poor me stories....but its only once and then you get some meds that help. Abilify saved my life and it took me months to admit i had to get help, had to get out of bed and bathe. One month in and i am back to old happy me. May it last forever.
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