Posted 9/19/2015 9:12 PM (GMT -6)
been mediating intense family stuff. my fiancé has been dealing with some stuff dumped on her from various people and I have been helping my sis with her cervical lumbar and stenosis stuff. she got some major neuro going on. falls, her gait, feet and pain / twitching. me, now that I caught up with my fiancé last night till her internet pooped it'self I slept good. my sis gave me some Naprosyn, really helped and with the sublax shoulders. had to get a new microwave. the other was rusted, stopped spinning and was a dinosaur. visited mum and sis, mum is somewhat stable, but inevitably will decline. she is very marginal. I am not going to discuss the boys. that is a expletive mess. I am playing the best of black Sabbath, it is a double album with the best stuff.
omg, iron maiden are back, bruce has rejoined, a new album is out and are touring. I have never seen them. sis getting the album for my birthday. awesome, can't wait. judas priest came out and I missed them $ ! there new album rocks, that was last year. they were hear jan / feb. my sis is having a birthday as well. we are born on the same day, but exactly a year apart. new year children as mum laughs with a big grin!!! I was 4 weeks late, like I don't want expletive out!!
weather has been alright last few days. yesterday was nice. been cleaning, cupboards fridge and stuff. well, I miss my beautiful lady, and she me. love is a beautiful thing. I have been wrongly burnt many times and had invested a lot, always a gentleman, loving, giving, never done wrong. it puts a smile on my dial and warms my heart when she says I have you and it is there loss. I told deb early on that I have been loving you before I met you. even that tears me up, for it is true. I never knew it was going to happen, esp after a brief relationship where she passed away. she was basically killing herself. it was 6 years of pain.
the w/e I have been writing out some painful things, ripping them up into tiny pieces, putting them in a wet can for the rubbish. cathartic. my sis has moved house, another sis, I bought her a house warming gift. I got myself a cool cup. i will do some yard work during the week. sis has a ladder i never knew of, so i have loaned it as i will prune the apple tree whilst it is bare, and pull down the apricot tree; does not help with the mice, something i am always combating. not this Monday but next mum and i have my bro's second meeting, he will be in attendance, and a rude awakening when he sees his big bro there.
a neighbour moved in. i had three lawn mowers that needed little repairs, he has not got much so i gave them for free. he is loaning my brush cutter, we will see the trust level on this. i give people only one chance nowadays. i am a little worried that mum will soon be pushing up dasies. i am ready, but the rest of the family will not be. i have seen too much death the last few years. 4 in the last year and a half, my best mate, another mate, who was a user, but still my mate, he stayed here for quite awhile, and buttons. a year before was a dear dear family friend. i said good bye at the hospital, gave her a kiss told her good bye and walked out. she died peacefully a week later. a cousin a few years ago and dave 13 years ago who died in my house. he was living with me. so i have been immune to it now. i guess i am no longer shocked. i mean i nearly kicked it a 2 times and once intentionally.
well i am off for a walk or something. i guess this has been the longest post by me ever on this forum. my shrink has sort of dropped me, oh well, my therapist is in 2 weeks and my gp. i am awaiting on basic blood results for sugars, vit d and hormones. i have been getting vit d, it is important with the diabetes and because there is brittle bones disease in the family. i think i will make an earlier apt for my therapist after this one. thx for letting me say a few words. i was sort of in the zone, and whilst in it i thought, well write. love you all i do. x ttys.
many mistakes I know. see ya soon.