Spouse with Hypomania

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CuriousAthena
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2016
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 1/9/2016 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband of 37 years has Hypomania. It only took me 37 years to really, really, really get it. He was twice put in the hospital before I met him at age 18 and 20.

The challenge with my husband is that he has long breaks in between Manic Epsiodes like 10 months sometimes.

A friend that is a Mental Health Counselor showed me Sunday December 27th the two page sheet she uses for Hypomania Diagnosis or at minimum tendency with her clients. My husband had everyone except the God Complex one. He has had them at different times. So 37 x 2=74 Manic Episodes.

He gets very verbally abusive during his episodes. They always start with him not getting sleep that is my clue that something is going to happen. He will wake up at 4:30 or 5:00am walk around the house cleaning things he has never cleaned or arranged in our whole married life together. He does the spending spree usually too. WE have a naturopathic clinic and I have gone in to find a new computer, printer. The last big break he came home with a $49,000 car that we did not need or could afford. I had to block the driveway with our other car so he would not drive out of the driveway and we did return it and got a brand new Prius as for cars there is no 3 day return requirement. this time around he wanted me to sign a Home Equity Line of credit for $70,000. I told him I would only do it is a financial consultant told me it was a good idea. He then spnet $1000 for a new website, and I learned 3 days ago he bought an Amethyst Mat for $1,200 that came in 3 days ago. He bought it for my healing as I just had a total hip replacement on Dec. 28th. I decided that I would do nothing until I am fully recovered walking well and driving.

Along with these breaks something always happens where he gets very angry and says "I am gong to Divorce you in 90 days. I am seeing an attorney tomorrow." He does this half the time.

So this round I pulled in 3 men he is close to that know about these "episodes". One made a fantastic 5 Agreement sheet that had 5 items that are really practical:

Here it is:
1. Husband agrees to see a health professional competent in mental health disorders for diagnosis and treatment options, as well as ongoing care. This could be a psychiatrist and/or naturopath. But it must be another competent physician doing the service. A doctor who has himself as a client has a fool for a patient.

2. Wife in good faith agrees to seek counseling or training should Rick request it for a particular issue. Husband must agree to come if the counselor requests his participation.

3. Husband and Wife agree to see a financial counselor and business advisor to evaluate their debts, budget, and business plans. Both sides will cooperate in furnishing all details for evaluation.

4. Husband will agree to attend debtor support groups weekly and in good faith and participation for at least three months or something comparable between the parties.

5. Upon acceptance by Husband of this General Agreement, then a general spending w/o discussion limit(s) on items bought individually or collectively will temporarily be in place until a full review by a financial counselor. The limit will be based on a discussions between Husband and wife. Husband will suggest a limit and Wife will accept or counter until a mutual agreed upon number is reached. Both parties agree to negotiate in good faith to reach an amicable solution.

If at the satisfactory completion of these items items , Husband believes a HE loan is in their interest, and the financial advisor concurs, and satisfactory business plan is developed, and communication line are open, then Wife will sign off the the HE loan.

I sent him this Agreement in the mail before my surgery and he never said anything. This manic Episode started around Dec. 18th. I handed it to him on January 4th and he said he would not sign anything. It was at this point that the man that created the 5 agreement told me I should just heal myself and not do anything until I do that, as stress makes healing take longer.... So I am doing that.

Talking on this forum is healing for me.

My main question is how do you get someone that is a naturopathic doctor and thinks he is "normal" and that he is just reacting to my "anger" to admit and see that he has real Hypomania?

I am fairly sure there are natural treatments for this too. 20 years ago he took Lithium Carbonate for maybe two weeks then stopped.


peacefulwarrior
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2015
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 1/9/2016 10:55 PM (GMT -7)   
If he was prescribed Lithium it is pretty certain that the psychiatrist felt he/she had a firm diagnosis at the time. Your husband would have been made aware of this.

It certainly sounds as if he needs a mental health evaluation, however, there is not a single thing you can do to make him do it. I do not think his occupation is really the issue unless it's part of your missing symptom and is indeed signs of a 'God complex'.

I may sound selfish but right now I would try to keep your focus on you and your healing. The old saying that you have to be well to heal another is wisdom for you now.

You did a good thing by enlisting the help of friends and you may have to do that again. Is there any family that might support you in helping your husband see that he needs help? If so utilize them. If not, I understand that you may have to do some damage control because these are also your finances most likely. But besides what is needed to prevent serious damage to your future security I would try to shelve this for another time when he is not hypo-manic.

Is he otherwise a reasonable man?
Longstanding Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and hypothyroidism, GERD, Hiatal Hernia, Hypertension, and a recent suggestion by my internist that I have Fibromyalgia. Dealing with daily pain and overwhelming fatige, looking for answers, and hoping for more good days than bad.

CuriousAthena
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2016
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 1/10/2016 12:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Peacefulwarrior,

He slef-prescribed Lithium Carbonate for himself. He has never seen anyone for a diagnosis. He does not think he has a problem and always says like a three year old ---"You started it, by getting angry at me." You are the one with the anger problem.

I have PTSD from the Verbal/Emotional abuse. I can say had possibly. I think for whatever reason......I actually KNOW deep in my soul that he has a mental disorder. Do you judge another for a disease? No but I am focusing on my own healing and I do have a right to use "Tough Love" with this man, when I am healed.

I am not currrently employed and have minimal income. It will be up to God, to bring income through several skills that I have. I am not a good marketer, if that is to be.

This man is a genius, an incredible doctor with many healing knowledge and an accomplished musician with guitar, piano and drums. He has 4 books already written that need to be edited and updated that the world needs to know. He is one of the few doctors in the whole country that knows about Fucntional Hypothyroidism and natural treatment for many endocrinology diseases. He is fun when he is not manic.
So yes, he is a reasonable man.

CuriousAthena
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2016
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 1/10/2016 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes, I think I make him nicer than he is in reality though. I have seen a Theta Healer and she tells me has has huge abuse Karma from his father, who was an alcoholic. I am not sure he beleives this to this day. In the Verbally Abusive Relationship Patricia Evans talks about these men as deeply wounded before age 10. Well he was scared that his father was going to kill him once and his mother came in and said "If you touch that boy, I am going to divorce you. So I put this together for the times when he has threatened me with Divorce. All this is nice to know and he has never done any deep work onhis own issues of course he does not see them. He believes he is perfect. I will say it is quite amazing how someone can be so nice for 3-4 weeks or months and then a real Narcicistic Prick the next. The Theta healer who does not know my husband....says he has deep low-self esteem from the abuse of his father and it has been many lifetimes too. I know she is the real deal because she identified pain in his neck and he broke his neck at age 16 and has been seeing a PT for it in November.

Just thought, I would clarify my statement...yes, he is a resonable man....with 80% of the time.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4427
   Posted 1/11/2016 4:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi CuriousAthena,

He needs to seek treatment. But he must be willing to get treatment. If he is not willing, no one would be able to force him. However, if he is abusive to you, you can report him. Please do not take any abuse, including verbal. Abuse does affect us mentally. I am sorry for your PTSD... The environment does not sound safe. Are you seeking any counseling for issues? Counseling would be good and helpful for you.

I am sorry but if someone does not want help, you cannot help them. Please focus on you and take care of yourself. You have been through a lot. Please know that we are here for you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.
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