I had been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, but I was not happy towards the end, and he could tell. I tried so hard to be happy and it killed me that it wasn't going to happen. I thought about
us breaking up and it scared me because I still cared about
him and also, I couldn't afford to move out.
We broke up last Sunday and I had to move to my dads which is about
a half hour away from most of my friends. Our breakup was really amicable but I am missing him so much right now. The day I started packing he came in the room and I just started sobbing and apologizing for the way I felt. He just held me and said it was going to be ok and that he still cared about
I am missing him more than anything right now. I know it was the right thing but he was my best friend and all I want to do is talk to him about
how scared I am. I was ok the first week. My dad is really cool and we get along but it's so hard to be away from my friends right now. last weekend I enjoyed time to myself on Friday and Saturday mostly because no one was available to hangout but when Sunday came I just felt so alone. I have anxiety and bipolar disorder so that isn't making anything better. I feel like IT will be so long before I go have my own place again. I'm 27 buried in student loan debt working a temp job. I want to talk to him so a bad right now because he is the only other person who knows what I'm going through but I don't want to bother him. I am crying occasionally at work, when I come home I take some Xanax and smoke some weed and I feel a little better. I don't wanna take Xanax all day because I know you can become really defendant on it.
I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I know they say things take time, but that's not helpful at all right now. I hate dating because it's so anxiety provoking. I'm one of those people who wants to skip to the part where I can really be myself and be comfortable. The thought of him flirting or sleeping with someone else freaks me out and I feel like if I flirted with someone else I would feel guilty.
Thanks for reading this I appreciate it.
Post Edited (Pennyln) : 2/10/2016 5:41:46 AM (GMT-7)