I am frustrated seeing you frustrated.
Your wife's actions mimic my now deceased from a long illness wife's actions.
I could have written the same posts, this one and the several you had a month or so ago under as you said the title, "I'm new here."
The only difference between you and I is that I don't think I would proclaimed my deep devotion and love to my wife had I known, as you said, she "has gone (as I see it) full self destructive mode, drinking, staying out all hours of the night, coming home drunk, dating other men."
I can't image my writing this to a helpline:
"I know for a fact that my wife began cheating on my about 2 months into our marriage. I strongly suspect she has been engaged in 3somes. I know for a fact she started an affair with a fellow employee 5 months after the first affair.
"I know for a fact that they have sex on the top of her desk after the students have left for the day, for she has in effect told me this several times.
"I know for a fact that she had outside sex over 2,000 times. I know for a fact that when she was found out by me, that she treated me like a badly for the first 10 years, and treated me like a dog for 19 years after that, and tried to destroy me every day of that because murder can carry the death penalty, or 30 years or more in jail."
"But you know what? I love her with all my heart. I love her every time she looks at me and says, "I hate you!!!!!!!" for inadvertently stopping her affairs. I love her for saying ""I wish I had never met you!!!" hundreds of times.
"I love her for totally screwing up our son to the point he had an illegitimate son with his fellow 16 year old girlfriend, who grew up with the worst unmarried parents in the Western Hemisphere, and who also at 16 had an illegitimate child.
"I totally love her for screwing up our child, and nobody can fault me for that except to say that I'm a complete nut.
"I don't care how many she messed up, I give a crap, I have no feelings for those children and adults who are totally messed up because of her, all I care about are my feelings about how much I love. That's all that matters in the world, is my love for my corrupt wife who destroyed people, and cares no more about that than I do.
"What does our child matter compared to my feelings???? My feelings rule!!!!!
"Guess who's in my spare bedroom now as I write this. Another borderline personality syndrome woman, just like my wife was. She too was sexually abused as a child.
"The first night of spending the night here because she recovering from a week of constipation, has serious back troubles, and is trying to work her way into my house and my life.
"So who is she (better yet, who am I?)?
She's the one who 6 months after getting to know me, and buttering me up, conned me out of a sum of money, and who had already told me, "I have a .38 pistol and I'm not afraid to use it."
Letting me know it wouldn't be practical for me to appear on her front porch wanting my money back. And I didn't.
And so, a year after getting ripped off by her, who called her back and asked her, "Are you mad at me?" like the wimp that I am.
It's now 6 months after that, and tomorrow she has her first appointment with a chiropractor which I'm paying for along with her light bill for the month.
Me and my dog are terribly happy to have company in the house. I must be terribly sick.
I just love taking care of her when she's in her child side of her divided ego, "Is the hot chocolate OK? Is it too hot?" Oh, so you want to lay down on the bed?" after she had driven my car all over town.
I once told her, you don't have to con me, I'll just give it to you.
The early stages of sex will come next, as she tries to pull me deeper in. I'm telling myself, "Hide your important papers because she'll use that to her advantage."
So who am I to preach to anybody?
"Yes, honey, I'll be right there. Now, how's that fever? Oh, you want more hot chocolate? On the way, sweetie."
We're sickening aren't we?