Mom and Daughter are both Bipolar

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Bipolar Mom
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/11/2016 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello. I am a Mom with Bipolar and have a daughter with Bipolar. Her nickname is Cat. She is 32 and happily married from August 2013 until August 10th, 2016. Yup two months ago.

HISTORY: We are from the West Coast but moved to the East Coast in 2000. I have been mentally ill since my early 20's but didn't know it then. Hind-sight is 20/20, right? In my 40's I was treated for chronic depression. I still don't know why my Psychs didn't correctly diagnose me earlier but that is OLD news. I was correctly diagnosed around 2008 and have been on the correct medication since then. My oldest son is 39 and was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 1996. For more than 10 years he denied his need for daily medication. He hit rock bottom. He moved from the west coast to Connecticut in 2003. Risperidone injections, home care nurse and family support changed all that. My daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar around 2006. She was hospitalized three times and discharged with meds. She was on medication but not really effective. In 2012 she had a severe Manic episode while under the care of Psych MD and Psychologist. After 6 weeks of outpatient care she denied any need for further treatment stating 'been there, done that It doesn't work". She has had her ups and downs but was holding it together until two months ago. Even through two miscarriages she was still functioning. Functioning is the key word. Holding on by a hair is probably a more accurate statement.

RECENTLY: While we were on a trip to California for a week she had one of the most serious manic episodes ever. Several stressors were in play. Justifiable as they were, her current status is off the charts. She refused to get out of the car when my sister tried to get her to the ER for eval. The long version requires chapters of explanation. The short version was a very, very traumatic 72 hour hold. After fighting off 6 police officers, strapped to a gurney, clothes cut off in the ER, spit mask required and and and the list goes on. After the hold was up she signed herself out. After seven weeks in California she had accomplished alienating (means they told her to get help) each and every family member she came in contact with. Her husband had flown to CA within 24 hours. He was by her side for 6 of the 7 weeks. He and I just wanted to get her back to Connecticut for counseling and hopefully treatment. She returned on Sept 29th and it has only gotten worse. The six weeks he spent with her in Cali were horrific. The venom she unleashed on him would have driven anyone else to throw in the towel. His love was greater than his hurt. I say WAS because that is now faltering.

CURRENTLY she has thrown everything she can imagine at him to hurt and destroy him. That includes threats to have his Visa revoked, reporting him as a terrorist, locking him out of the home and saying she wants a restraining order and a divorce. There is no physical violence involved. Her husband is from India. He has been in the US for 15 years. He has been on a education visa and work visa all those years. When he married my daughter 3 years ago he applied for a Green Card. His mother is Hindi and his father is Siek. Not a Muslim in the bunch (as if that would have been a problem). It took a mental health crisis counselor with a police officer for back-up (and another to back-up for the back-up) to get her husband access to their home. That was yesterday. The plan is for him to have access to the guest bedroom with kitchen privileges. Actually a huge success in my eyes. Her husband had gone to a hotel to get some breathing room for five days. She had changed the locks. So now we have the resources of Mental Health Crisis team as well as the police report. Her husband found and has been seeing his own counselor for three weeks. We have both signed up for a Family-to-Family NAMI 12 week teaching coarse. I picked up a copy of Xavier Amador's book "I am not sick. I don't need help" (very, very good) My daughter has not spoken to me for a week, and that was just screaming until I calmly said I wanted to hang up the phone. She is trashing the house. Packing up the kitchen food into trash bags and throwing it in the Condo trash bin. Putting locks on all interior doors except the guest bedroom. I don't know when she might have slept. She always seems to be active all the time. She took every piece of her husband's clothing and put it (nicely folded) on the floor and bed of the guest room while we were at the NAMI class last week. She rearranged the furniture between the master and guest bedrooms. Per my advise, and after my daughter had withdrawn hundreds of dollars from the family checking account, her husband has secured the family finances. She has her own credit card with about $4K limit remaining. My daughter has not worked since she got married. She graduated college with a Math Degree in 2010 but the recession was bad and she never got a job in her field. She went for her Masters but dropped out. She racked up an enormous student debt. Her husband pays all the bills including a student loan payment that matches the Condo payments. It's a tight budget but his two Masters Degrees and steady employment has provided them with a decent home and frequent vacations. His insurance coverage is 5 star. His employer let him 'telecommute' to work while in Cali. She says she wants a divorce but could not even come close to affording the Condo they live in.

QUESTION: Where do we go from here? Does her husband need to file for divorce to protect her from destroying the family home. As I said before his love is bigger than his hurt, but, even his love has limits. He says he has reached that limit. There are many people in this forum that can sympathize. Sympathy is good. What I really would like is constructive advice. Does she really have to hit rock bottom (like my son did) before she gets help? If she gets divorce papers will it make things better or worse? Should her husband find a rented room and use the student loan money to support himself? Should he pack up his belongings and put them in storage? There is a finished basement/office but we are unsure if things will be safe there. What can "I" do? I was the one that called the crisis hotline. Of course now she will never (relative term) talk to me again. Can anyone think of anything more I can do? My own Mental Health seems to be holding up. I am not even going to start on my own crisis and unwilling move 40 miles from my former 'home' with my boyfriend of 16 years. Lucky me.. I have my very own 'tin-can" (Mobile Home) to replace my former residence. The fact that I didn't want to be independent was never an option. OK back to my daughter and son-in-law. Any helpful advise?

Bipolar Mom

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41912
   Posted 10/12/2016 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I take it she isn't taking medication. Maybe she needs inpatient treatment??? Sounds like she is a force to be reckoned with. I am just filling in for the other mod, but she will be back today. I wanted to let you know that we are here for you. You are going through a very difficult time. I hope that things get better.

Have you read any books on bi-polar? There may be some ideas there. I feel badly for you and the other family members. This sounds real tough.

I will check back. I hope you can have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20044
   Posted 10/12/2016 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
needs inpatient care. yes look at a legal hold on resources, house, etc. I am in Australia, thus it is different here, things are more efficacious once the individual is committed, ie, the husbands rights. got to keep pushing the people in the system as it will be just the 72 hour hold and ya out. keep strong. document everything.
THE HAPPY TURTLE.

A QUOTE FROM THE HAPPY TURTLE THAT REFLECTS ME.

"COMPLEXITY IS MY WAY OF EXPRESSING MY NEEDS IN A MANNER THAT IS NEITHER DESTRUCTIVE, NOR NEGATIVE"
'

pmdancer
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2016
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/12/2016 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
inpatient asap & don't forget to take care of yourself in this equation.

BTW - Sikhs are Muslims.

Bipolar Mom
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/12/2016 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Happy Turtle... YES thanks about the 'document everything' I hadn't thought of that. I will tell my son-in-law to not only write things down but to take pictures.
Question: if Cat sees her husband taking pictures she will realize everything she is doing has the potential to 'come back and bite her in the "a**". Is this a good thing or another stressor that will cause her to escalate?
Real question is: does he take the pictures with her knowledge or without it?

Getting by... Unless she breaks the law, harms self or harms others there exactly no chance of hospitalization. We are trying for small steps in the right direction, at this point.

pmdancer... My own medication seems to be working well.

yeah Bipolar Mom

Bipolar Mom
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/12/2016 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
My daughter wrote a long letter about her side of the story. She sent it CC and BCC to each and everyone in the family (except her husband and mother). This is her mindset. She is certainly hurting.
cry

Update On Cat's marriage

I am using this email because I don't think angad is checking it, although I think he still could if he wanted to. Many people family and friends are copied and BCC (blind copied) on this email so I caution people not to reply with the reply all button.

This email consists of 1) a copy the text message I just sent out 2) plus an additional P.s. At the end about a recording I will try to forward.


TEXT:
FYI/ status update:
I am very confused about Angad's motives right now and this website might fit. I know you guys all think he is just so much in love with me yet his actions and words are contradicting that theory. He goes back and forth between "I love you more than anything" to " you are going to pay for that." I do not know what words to believe, his caring "I love you" or threatening " you're going to pay for that," After I tell him "don't touch me or I'll call 911" and I have the phone in my hand ready to dial.

The night after I got back from Oregon we were arguing and he threatened to take a knife to his gut and ran to the kitchen to get one. I could not handle this and called his father from my phone via the app 'what's app,' telling his father he needed to fly out right away to help his son. Angad did not like this and threw my phone and broke it. Then Angad called his father back on his cellphone and told him not to come out.

I have suggested to Angad that he go to India to be with his family during this hard time in our marriage, reminding Angad of what he has told me our whole relationship; that his grandmother is sick so he might want to see her sooner rather than later. He now says she is better so there is no need.

I know you have never seen Angad angry so it's hard for you to believe he can slam on doors and stomp down stairs and stand in a threatening way, yet I have seen it so I am confused right now on what is love. This man claims he loves me yet Since I have been back here at our home He has cursed at me worse than I have ever been yelled at (and that is worse than I have ever seen my mother yell including the floor tile incident.)

Last week he stood by me as I am cutting vegetables, during an argument, pushing the hand I have the knife in and yelling at me "are you threatening me, what are you going to do, etc." to which I had to walk away and try to call his parents, and as I am walking away in my head I am fearful he would pick up the knife and come at me. At that time, last week, I did not call the police because he didn't pick up the knife and come at me so I settled for him talking to his dad, which calmed him down.

Again I reiterate that right now I am confused about him and his motives, and his rapid transitions from anger to love; I'm looking at this website 'about signs you are being married to for a green card' and thinking that maybe this is why he is going to these extremes of saying to me "I love you" one day and "you're going to pay for that" the next day. My fairytale of love tells me this is not love yet I do not know. Yet if you guys tell me this is love please do not abandon me when I decide I do not want this type of love anymore.

Thank you for reading. I am overwhelmed as I am now having to accept Angad and I having to be under the same roof after his actions; and I am trying to pack up belongings, stay safe and stay strong. I do not want to really believe I have fallen victim to a man playing with my heart for a green card.

http:// webpage link provided

Catherine

P.s. I'm going to send a 2nd email with a voice recording of when my mom and Angad brought a CHR worker and police officers to our home. My gay friend kevin stayed with me during this past holiday weekend Saturday, Sunday and Monday night. Kevin tells me that if I had walked out my door I would have seen two police cars blocking the road, not just the one officer who was in my view. The recording took place on that (this past) Monday, 10-10-16 around 4:30 pm.

I didn't tell anyone my phone was recording in my pocket. Previous to Monday the only other police action was when my mother and Angad called the police to our home mid week, which is when Angad finally left to stay in a motel; and previously that day (Monday) when kevin and I went to the police station in town to talk with a female officer, to express my fears of angad coming back into the home.
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