"He and I have a very strong bond and whenever he triggers an episode he refuses any kind of help as he lives in fear of previous episodes where he has been arrested, tazered by the police, and hospitalized"
I think the "special bond" is going to bring you down. Along with "I happen to be a very sensitive caring mom that will never give up on him" And, "he is extremely mean to me"
He's not your worst enemy, you are.
He should be writing into a help line saying, "I'm 31 and keep messing up and my mother who I'm disrespectful to won't help me."
Instead, you're the one writing into a help line saying, "I can't help my cruel and insensitive grown son enough. What should I do?"
How about, quit helping him? "Oh, no, I could never do that!!!!" Well, then, you've got a problem, and it's you.
What is that called, an enabler, you enable him to never grow up. You're not the best mom in the world, you're the worst. That's just my opinion.
You did good when the kid was five years old and you could feed him his Pablum. Now that he's grown, you out of your element.
Trouble is, you kept him a five year old and now you're paying for it. There's some justice here somewhere.
You say, "and I live in constant tears as I am heart broken" Because he's an idiot who treats his mother like dirt you're in constant tears? You should be ecstatic that you're not the one whose an idiot, instead of in tears that he is.
You've got it completely turned around, and your son is living proof.
Again, you say, "whenever he triggers an episode he refuses any kind of help as he lives in fear of previous episodes where he has been arrested, tazered by the police, and hospitalized"
OK, so he messes up, and because the police treat him like a man, unlike you, and taze his rear end, he then throws a temper tantrum and refuses to get help because he's afraid of taking a taze up the rear end.
When he's arrested, who's the first one to bail him out? I wonder.
And when he doesn't know how to budget his money, who is the first one to pay his bills. I can't imagine, you're such a good parent.
Is this guy a product of your child raising or what?
My 40-year-old son who has an anger personality disorder, has been coming after me for 28 years. Twenty-eight years. Something he did against me about 4 years ago has really messed me up, and I've finally figured out his pattern of messing me up. And on Christmas Day, I pretty well let it be known that no .... more.
And I've quit having anything to do with him. No more phone calls, no more visits. Nothing. That's been over a month ago.
I think you need to stand up this guy and quit treating him like the Eighth Wonder of the World, and treat him for what he is, like you raised him to be, a dirt bag.
And until that happens, nothing is going to change.
And as you say, "I am getting older now (59) i do not have the same coping ability"
Since you're 59, your job of keeping your son a 5-year-old is over. I think he's going to do you in, and then start in on his wife, since you've taught him that females are there to serve.