It's good hearing from you.
I realize volunteering is nor as easy as I was making it out to be.
I myself do not volunteer. So I'm living proof of that.
I don't volunteer because I have a health problem that prevents it.
But for one thing, I am saying, in my view, it is difficult to sit on square one and solve the problem. If your thinking can go outward, it is easier to do.
I'm sitting here right now without a whole lot to do. I'm going stir crazy. I want to do walk my dog, but there is a neighbor who has a pair of pit bulls that my do and I ran into 3 times in the last 45 days or so, and I am concerned about going outside right now.
So, I guess I'm encouraging you to get out. Are you able to do that? In a way, I am volunteering. I'm walking a dog. I'm walking my dog.
Is there anyone in your neighborhood, senior citizen for example, who you might be able to visit, talk to, help them fill out their bills, ask if they need any help? That helps them and it helps you.
They say giving help is better for you than getting helped.
You say, "There is no one else around who I really trust that much or have that much faith in."
I know it's easy to get to certain people, and rough should they pass away. A lot of people, including myself, don't have anybody they can place a lot of faith in.
Now, in the last few months, I might have found someone. From my not being able to drive, I have to contact help to drive me places, and I can meet people through that.
So through that, I feel I have someone I could confide in. So, I know how hard it is to find someone you can trust. It is very difficult, at least for me.
You say, "Frank, my boyfriend is there for me but he doesn't get it at times." I know how that can be.
You say, "He is great and sometimes I think he would be better off with out me" Why would he be better off without you?"
You say, "There are days all I want to do is to go and be with them."
You add, "I hurt all the time, but what do I do, I put on my smiley mask and go out into the world like I am ok, but truthfully I am not. Not sure what to do or where to go."
And "I am in therapy and see my doctor but still feel like something is missing. I just want to be....."
It's good that you are in therapy. Are you on any medicines? This site also offers some resources that might help you, if you will look at those and click on them at the opening of this website, and at the top of each forum, like this one on bi-polar.
Do you have a diagnosis?
After my wife died 7 years ago, I used to talk about her a lot with my psychiatrist, and she would be encouraging me to move on with my life. It took awhile, but it did happen. Meeting others played a big part.
You do still have your boyfriend, so you do still have that.
You also note, "I do have a lot of people in my life who I can turn to."
So we can look at the positives.
A slogan that helps me is, "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."
Also, "The person you have to conquer, is the person you have to look at in the mirror every morning."
So, ourselves can be our biggest problem.
It's good that you got back in touch with the board. Let us know how this is going.