Posted 6/22/2017 8:08 PM (GMT -6)
Good that you reached out for help.
I'm bipolar, and take lithium for the mania, and Mirtazapine for the depression.
I have two sets of moods, also, one is depressed and one is manic.
In mania, my mind races, thinks every thought, wants to do everything. I feel I have no limits in my abilities to do things or in my ability to think.
What I don't realize, is that at a certain point into the mania, I can be going in circles and am not really accomplishing anything, and am not able to accomplish anything. It's like a hurricane that is going 100 miles an hour in circles, but is standing still.
Of course, if not tamped down, that mania can go on in to outer space, and I could get into a whole lot of trouble.
So, I have to have Lithium, or some such medicine to control the mania, which I have taken for many years. Then the depression part of that, which I need an anti-depressant for.
Without meds, I got no chance.
You said, "So I feel like I'm 2 different people and it almost feels like its split down the left and right side of my thoughts in my head. Most of the time it's in long phases, so I'll be on my 'go' mode, mr happy, life and soul of the party, confident, and generally happy for say 2 months, then I'll crash and be an emotional wreck, worrying, paranoid, antisocial, unmotivated. Normally the crash phase is shorter say 1 month"
And as you said, you did post in the bipolar forum, so that seems to be what you think you have.
Next question is, are you going to a psychiatrist? I started going for my bipolar when I was about 27.
So it's good that you are prepping yourself mentally for what could happen. You might want to go ahead and get a psychiatrist, for a couple of reasons: One, you might not recognize when a manic or depressed cycle starts. Having a 2nd opinion would be a big help.
Another reason is, should a cycle start, your decision making ability may get lower and lower, as part of the depression or mania. Right now, you're thinking very clearly, and you believe you'll be thinking that way if you get into mania or depression.
But that probably won't be the case. You'll be in a state, and so manic you can't slow down to thing, or so depressed, you don't have the energy to think, or to take the 2 or 3 steps it takes to find or call a psychiatrist.
So during the calm is when you need to think this through, find and call a psychiatrist. These are all my opinions, and these are all things I did not do. I was so depressed, and/or manic, I couldn't make a decision and had a nervous breakdown.
You said, "but over the past year the phases have been a little more 'eratic'. Sometimes I feel myself bounce from mood to mood in a matter of hours, even minutes."
This might be a sign your bipolar is increasing. You're at 23, so that's a good age for this to occur. Mine was at age 27. It doesn't really give you a warning.
You said, "I did have therapy when I was 17 because of an emotional and physical trauma, not gonna go into it but pretty ****ed up for 15 year old to go through. I probably had post traumatic stress for a long time but I don't feel like that anymore, I don't feel 'messed up' anymore. Maybe I just got used to my self? I don't know, I'm not desperate for help, I get by fine."
Trauma, I've read, can cause a divide in the ego, and the person can become like two people.
So, I think you need to check that out, also.
Do you have a parent or grandparent, aunt or an uncle, who had emotional problems? Sometimes this is inherited.
These are just my opinions as a bipolar person.