Saw a TV program the other night, true crime as usual.
It was about a teenage girl who got involved with an abusive fellow teen. When she tried to leave him for the 2nd or third time, it got really bad.
After she got out of the hospital, she was telling what went on. She said that:
1. She felt sorry for him
2. She didn't leave him because she was afraid to
3. Her loss of self-esteem due to his physical and mental abuse wore down her self-confidence and she wasn't able to leave.
Wondering if any of this applies to you?
As for key to bipolar is to own up to one's bipolar problems, I as a bipolar only recently, in the last few weeks, was able to see myself as sick, 365 days a year, even when I'm not having a problem.
When not having a problem, I think there is nothing wrong with me. But I only recently realized, I'm sick all the time. It's just that my social uneasiness, for instance, is not causing me any problem at the moment, because I'm not in a social situation.
But I'm still bipolar, and if an associate knocked on the door and wanted to have a conversation, I would feel awkward, and my problems would occur.
So, I guess your boyfriend does not feel sick sitting around the house, and flying off the handle every now and then, he thinks it's somebody else causing that outburst.
But when he gets fired from a job, after the initial anger at his employer, deep down he does feel sick.
So I guess that's what you're talking about, he doesn't see his own illness.
Which brings us back to you. You say you've been in a good marriage, so you know the difference.
Is it finances that keeps you around him? I was stuck in that situation for 29 years. It can happen. As much as it repulses you, it can happen. You can get into an "uh-oh" situation. "I'm stuck."
I only recently got out of a situation with my grown son, who I didn't know was carrying on the abuse of his mother, who's been deceased now from a long illness for 8 years.
For those 8 years, he has been coming after me. I finally caught him, and ended the relationship, because it was very serious what he was doing, and involved my health. I realized, I can't be around this guy. He can't even come on to my property.
If you see your boyfriend affecting your mental or physical health, or could, I think you need to be working on getting away from that. Once you've caught him trying to bring you down, belittling you, reducing your confidence in an effort to destroy it, hitting you, controlling you, taking away your friends, checking your phone, those are all big warning signs.
And like the girl on the TV program, your confidence can slowly dip to where you think you can't get away from him. It did for her, and she almost got killed.
So what you want to do is avoid that before it gets to that. Don't wait until you get backed up against the wall, and everything is in his hands. Try to step away from that before it gets to that point.
Do you feel in any danger? If you told him to leave your house, what would happen? Do you have a plan to get him out of your house? Do you have to stand right up to him and tell him that?
Maybe have someone else in the house, like a policeman?
I don't now what NO stands for, as in, is that typical of NO.