Repeated pattern bipolar eposoide

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Africa99
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Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/21/2017 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been married to my wife for 18 years. In the 18 years my wife has had 6 or so mania and demands a devorce and no future contact. She has gone to family court claiming abuse, but then took me to the court as her support person, as well as the defendent. It us 9 days since the last eposoide started. I am assuming it is an eposoide but maybe she really do want a devorce. I would have concluded that if she had not yelled at me in an anger fit...told me not to contact her family in Africa...and broken contact with everyone. I am not sure what I'll tell her sister when she can not contact her, our financial protection has back fired as all accounts need dual signatures, and I am currently unemployed and can not access funds either.
How can I be certain she is in a mania. When should I tell her direct family. When do I check in with police about her safety...or mental health...or her lawyer...
Every time she wants a devorce she lawyers up...when she comes out of the mania she says you know that is my manic self...I do not really want a devorce...just space...time to get my head togethe.

In the weeks before her manic eposoide we had large amounts of stress.

UserANONYMOUS
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Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 10/21/2017 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Africa99,

Welcome to the forum! I am happy you joined us.

Has your wife got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist? Only a psychiatrist can complete a proper evaluation and make a diagnosis on whether she is Bipolar or not, or if she is in a manic state due to Bipolar. Bipolar can be managed with both meds and therapy. However, she needs to get a diagnosis first.

Do you guys communicate still besides when doesn't seem herself? If yes, I would suggest that you kindly have a chat with her about visiting a doctor if she has not already seem one.
The laws are different in all countries. However, I believe that if someone seems to pose a threat to them self or anyone around them, the respective emergency, whether police or ambulance should be contacted.

I hope things get better for you soon.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
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Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/22/2017 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
My partner... or ex partner has been diagnosed by several doctors as bipolar 2, with post traumatic stress disorder and spent 6 weeks in hospital in 2002. It is a formal diagnosis. Her brother and mother and neice have bipolar. Her middle sister committed suicide. My partner has had suicide attempts early on but not for 15 years.


In 2008 she had a serious accident and suffered burns to 26% of her body. For 5-6 years she was on meds to reduce her stress levels and there were no eposoides
.
She has had several periods of hospitalization 2002, 2005, 2006, 2013 and 2014. When she gets sick she pushes me away. This time she has made no contact with her family and friends or me since the eplosive out burst. Her family is overseas and her neices is very concerned and wants to talk to her aunt.

I have advised the police I have concerns for her safety but they have said she is okay. What is a reasonable time between checKS.

This eposoide occurred during2 a stressful period and she rang me and yelled at me...(she was looking after a sick friend) after she failed to meet me as agreed. Until then our communications and calls were friendly as we looked forward to finishing our house renovations.

I can not say for sure she is manic but the pattern is identical to her previous eposoides. Her eposoides last for up to 12 weeks and when she recovers she is aware that she has been unwell. She will not take lithium because it turns her into a zombie. She has an anti stress medicine but I am not sure if she takes it.

Mental health has suggested we separate several times but I love her and when she is well I believe she loves me. But I have ressited because I love her and she loves me? I have been told it is because I fear loneliness and would put up with any thing not to be alone. This may well be true.

As an engineer I am adept at recognising patterms and each eposoide follows a clear pattern. I must can not avoid her triggers. We have tried.

Please advise.

Post Edited (Africa99) : 10/22/2017 5:26:01 PM (GMT-6)


Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/22/2017 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
When my ex partner is well we communicate. However she sees her illness as a private matter, and does not like to talk about it with others. We have a bipolar plan but it has some deficiencies. I struggle to deal with the pain of rejection during an eposoide. And while I can not say she is really unwell her current actions are not in line with her character when she is well. The main differences are she loves her neice who is going through a tough time and is not talking.... she wants to decorate our house and her actions are stopping it.. her immense anger towards me only occurs when she is unwell. A friend identified that she is agitated and stressed. By combining these factors and the fact she hides when she is sick suggest an eposoide.

But I am no doctor just an ex partner, astranged partner, who is possessive. I have a tendency to blame every thing wrong in our relationship on the bipolar condition. I see it as a shared issue.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1079
   Posted 10/23/2017 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
It’s good that you reached out for help.

You say your ex-partner is bipolar 2 (no full blown mania) and has post-traumatic stress syndrome.

And, “She will not take lithium because it turns her into a zombie. She has an anti stress medicine but I am not sure if she takes it.”

You note, “In 2008 she had a serious accident and suffered burns to 26% of her body. For 5-6 years she was on meds to reduce her stress levels and there were no eposoides”

So, when she takes medicine, she has no episodes.

It looks like she needs to see a psychiatrist, and get on some medicine.

As a biopolar I person, one who has full blown mania, while your ex-partner is bipolar II, which means hypo mania only, not full blown.

I take Lithium for my mania, and Mirtazapine anti depressant for my depression. The first time I took Lithum, I felt like a balloon which had the air let out of it. I didn’t realize I was that tense, but I was.

I think if your ex-partner would take a mood stabilizer, like Lithium, which she can’t take but there are several others, she would see a world of difference.

Her attitude seems to be getting in the way. If she would be positive maybe she would allow herself to try another mood stabilizer or 2, would be able to see herself as getting better.

The time to see this psy. is when she is doing OK. Or, during an episode when she ends up in the hospital, and just stay on the medicine they give her.

What does she do after she gets out of the hospital, and they have her stabilized, she quits taking her medicine?

I used to be very neg. also, and it was tripping me up, but she could be like me, her own worst enemy.

You say, “I can not say for sure she is manic but the pattern is identical to her previous eposoides.
“how can I be certain she is manic? When do I call policer, her family.
“What is a reasonable time between checKS.”

Below is some data from mayoclinic.org which talk about some of this:

Symptoms

There are several types of bipolar and related disorders. They may include mania or hypomania and depression. Symptoms can cause unpredictable changes in mood and behavior, resulting in significant distress and difficulty in life.

Mania and hypomania

Mania and hypomania are two distinct types of episodes, but they have the same symptoms. Mania is more severe than hypomania and causes more noticeable problems at work, school and social activities, as well as relationship difficulties. Mania may also trigger a break from reality (psychosis) and require hospitalization.

Both a manic and a hypomanic episode include three or more of these symptoms:

• Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
• Increased activity, energy or agitation
• Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
• Decreased need for sleep
• Unusual talkativeness
• Racing thoughts
• Distractibility
• Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investments
Major depressive episode
A major depressive episode includes symptoms that are severe enough to cause noticeable difficulty in day-to-day activities, such as work, school, social activities or relationships. An episode includes five or more of these symptoms:

• Depressed mood, such as feeling sad, empty, hopeless or tearful (in children and teens, depressed mood can appear as irritability)
• Marked loss of interest or feeling no pleasure in all — or almost all — activities
• Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite (in children, failure to gain weight as expected can be a sign of depression)
• Either insomnia or sleeping too much
• Either restlessness or slowed behavior
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Decreased ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
• Thinking about, planning or attempting suicide

If you have any symptoms of depression or mania, see your doctor or mental health professional. Bipolar disorder doesn't get better on its own. Getting treatment from a mental health professional with experience in bipolar disorder can help you get your symptoms under control.

When to get emergency help

Suicidal thoughts and behavior are common among people with bipolar disorder. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately, go to an emergency room, or confide in a trusted relative or friend. Or call a suicide hotline number — in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
If you have a loved one who is in danger of suicide or has made a suicide attempt, make sure someone stays with that person. Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Or, if you think you can do so safely, take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room.

Left untreated, bipolar disorder can result in serious problems that affect every area of your life, such as:

• Problems related to drug and alcohol use
• Suicide or suicide attempts
• Legal or financial problems
• Damaged relationships
• Poor work or school performance

• Mood stabilizers. You'll typically need mood-stabilizing medication to control manic or hypomanic episodes. Examples of mood stabilizers include lithium (Lithobid), valproic acid (Depakene), divalproex sodium (Depakote), carbamazepine (Tegretol, Equetro, others) and lamotrigine (Lamictal).
• Antipsychotics. If symptoms of depression or mania persist in spite of treatment with other medications, adding an antipsychotic drug such as olanzapine (Zyprexa), risperidone (Risperdal), quetiapine (Seroquel), aripiprazole (Abilify), ziprasidone (Geodon), lurasidone (Latuda) or asenapine (Saphris) may help. Your doctor may prescribe some of these medications alone or along with a mood stabilizer.
• Antidepressants. Your doctor may add an antidepressant to help manage depression. Because an antidepressant can sometimes trigger a manic episode, it's usually prescribed along with a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic.
• Antidepressant-antipsychotic. The medication Symbyax combines the antidepressant fluoxetine and the antipsychotic olanzapine. It works as a depression treatment and a mood stabilizer.
• Anti-anxiety medications. Benzodiazepines may help with anxiety and improve sleep, but are usually used on a short-term basis.

Finding the right medication
Finding the right medication or medications for you will likely take some trial and error. If one doesn't work well for you, there are several others to try.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/23/2017 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I can relate. I have been with my partner for 9 years. Ups and downs. It can be great one day, then fall apart the next day. I think in. a way we become co dependent. Of course everyone craves company but when it interferes with your wellbeing is it worth it? I often ponder this myself. I do love my partner when he is happy and not manic. Lately hes been ok and the outbursts have been short lived. Have you thpygh of serking therapy yourself? It alleviated things for me . Hope you can come up with some solutions to alleviate things. L

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/23/2017 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
My astranged partner of 18 years is not suited to lithium. She definitely is dulled when on it. But the frequency of her eposoides and her anger is very hurtful. I am seeking help from supporting families and their counsellor. I am never 100% sure my astranged wife will return to me but she has to date. The process has three stages I hate you no contact...confused and then normality. However I never want to force her toward medication when she is well. I have always trusted that she will stay well of we remove the triggers/ stress.

This time we did not argue... I gave her trust and space. I think the failure or her car and stressited caused the eposoide if she is indeed unwell. I have conclude my astranged wife is unwell because. Change in attitude towards me wás rapid. Looking forward to events...now can not occur...huge anger release aimed at me
Hiding from me...rather than facing me said she was going home to family...which she has not done...unrealistic belief

But it is possible she is well and wants to exit our relationship or go on a new path. If this was the case I think she would have done it another way

I am aware she wants space and is in a safe location. Any suggestions....I am just focusing my self at moment. I can not help my astranged wife until she engages.....any ideas

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 10/24/2017 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Africa99,

You and your partner have been through a lot.

I am sorry to hear about her accident in the past. Hope she is okay now.

Focusing on yourself is nice. You must ensure that you are healthy and take care of you.

Some people does not like to talk about what they are experiencing. I too am like thing sometimes. However, i think that one should still be able to talk to their partner about this.

Do you seek counselling for yourself? I think this may be helpful to you as it can help you figure things our, and see certain things more clearly. You will also learn coping techniques with different situations. I attended therapy for a while where I learn a lot about myself, as well as coping techniques which I can use everyday.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1079
   Posted 10/24/2017 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
You said,

“My astranged partner of 18 years is not suited to lithium. She definitely is dulled when on it.” In an earlier post you said, “She will not take lithium because it turns her into a zombie”

You know, that’s probably why I am not as alert as I could perhaps be, because I take Lithium, but if it keeps me functioning, I’m willing to take some of that. I’d rather be a little bit lethargic then a whole bunch manic or depressed.

It is a personal choice, and she’s choosing this, choosing to disturb her life and everybody else’s. If you’ve been with her for almost 20 years, she must be about 40.

At some point it seems like she would start calming down, and choosing a more sedentary lifestyle, instead of this constant disruption.

Does she have a psychiatrist?

Would she be more comfortable with a male or female psychiatrist?

Can you look up the names of some of each on the computer Yellow Pages, and find one or two, and see what she thinks?

I can’t even imagine going through this without having a psychiatrist. Once talking with a psychiatrist, he or she can mention possible medicines which will calm her down, and she can choose which way she likes better.

I would suggest disengaging from her and when she calls say, have you gotten a psychiatrist yet? You know, let the doctor deal with it.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/24/2017 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
My estranged partner is 54 we married late in life. I was wonderful initially I could not believe such a wonderful person was still single at 35. I later realised she has a dark secret. I think when we met she was slightly manic...and feared nothing. We married and she immigrated with me from her homeland of South Africa to my country nz. Initially she was a little depressed and we put this down to home sickness. There were suicide attempts and respite...then came the drinking and the diagnosis which came as a relief. But I am concerned that I see everything that is wrong in our relationship as bipolar related. I am happy in the relationship when she is well. But if she is unhappy...and I am making her sick or saying she is sick when she is not. Just because she is bipolar does not mean she us always in eposoide. A question I am struggling with because she has cut all communication with friends and has not been online in 13 days...her phone and devices are turned off. We only have the assure of a friend via police that my astranged wife is safe. ......I dare not tell her sis terrible that I do not know where her sister is

So all I can do is focus on looking for work, praying, and getting a good amount of skeep.

I intend to check on her safety in 5 days time. What a resonance person who do if I have not heard from her before then.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/24/2017 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   
My estranged wife is not talking to me and does not want contact...I call that stage 1 I hate you...stage 2 is I am confused and do not know what I want...stage 3 is realistion that I am her best friend....

We do have a Co dependant relationship...I need her reassurance and outgoing personality. I struggled during eposoides...but I am not sure this is an eposoide it just has a number of the characteristics. She may really want a devorce .....my family has said that she has treated you so badly devorce her....but I am willing to ride the storm until she surfaces. You can not start separation proceeding in nz if you can not serve papers on the other person.....so he'll continues until a new dawn lights.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1079
   Posted 10/24/2017 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I had a similar situation, in that I had bipolar and my wife put up with that, and she was sexually abused, and I put up with that, attributing things to that, and stuck it out.

Like you, one reason I stayed was because I didn't want to be alone.

I had a similar situation, too, in that I had been talking to this woman on the phone for some months, and she had told me recently she had had a blackout spell.

And so I didn't hear from her in 3 or 4 days, so I thought she may have been having another blackout spell, so like the concerned person, I called the police for them to do a welfare check.

She called me back, in a huff, and let me now what she thought of me calling the police on her. It turns out, she was trying to dump me by no phone calls, e-mails or anything. I thought she was blacked out on the floor. How embarrassing that was.

So, with your ex-spouse sometimes despising you, sometimes needing you, sometimes sick, the welfare/safety checks can be kinda tricky.

Would she agree to see a psychiatrist?

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/25/2017 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I received separation papers in the mail, not for the first time actually the third time. But the lawyer secetary says she has three female friends looking after her. She has driven off my all my friends over 18 years.

The lawyers letter tells me not to contact anyone about her. I have. But i have not told her sister, her sister encouraged her to marry me and has insisted she stay in the marriage. She does not want her sister home.

However I am now a emotional and finance train wreck and must focus on me. When I wake in the morning all I want to do is die or get a job and run but I have a house to complete and sell. PUT in kitchen and bathrooms and get code of compliance.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1079
   Posted 10/25/2017 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
The part about "She has driven off my all my friends over 18 years."

Reminds me that during my 29 years of rough marriage, my wife did the same thing. I could even call in a crew to do some yard work, and she would drive them off, hollering at them, "What are you doing in my yard!!!!!" or something like that.

She was trying to isolate me and destroy me one on one.

My wife, again, had trauma in childhood. She was not bipolar, but she had a lot of anger, and would go from very sweet to very hostile all the time.

You sure your wife's got bipolar and not trauma?

Either way, a bipolar not taking meds, or trauma, you need to get out of there. You need no contact with her. Even when she goes to her good self, to draw you back in so she can chop you off at the knees, you don't need to go back there.

She can't destroy you if she can't get you back to her place. A lot of this could be your fault, as you keep going back to this pathological person. I did, so I can tell you what that's like.

You said, "However I am now a emotional and finance train wreck and must focus on me. When I wake in the morning all I want to do is die or get a job and run but I have a house to complete and sell. PUT in kitchen and bathrooms and get code of compliance."

You wanting to die because she' such a jerk, is very telling. She's trying to destroy you. She's got you out of a job, out of money, crazy, and wanting to die. Tell me there's not a plan there.

I wouldn't be able to tell you hat if my wife hadn't been trying to do the same thing to me.

One of my problems was, we had a small kid when it started, had a house we were trying to buy, as a bipolar I didn't have a steady job and couldn't afford an apartment.

You don't have it so bad, in that you can walk out, have half of the house proceedings. Loneliness seems to be your only downfall.

You really have to strengthen up. I had a woman helping me with chores who had trauma. She would offer sweetness, and deliver pathos behind your back, telling stuff that wasn't true. I wanted to get away, but it was difficult.

Finally, she got a boyfriend who she was with 24 hours a day, because they worked together and lived together, so she wasn't free to come over to my place and do errands. Which was great.

I got someone else to run errands who wasn't pathos, and improved my life. I got a message from her some months later asking if I needed help with errands, and I did not return that message.

Talk about a close call. Every now and then you get some good luck.

Get a new friend or two, and wean off of her, so when she calls in a few weeks or months, you won't have to call her back. You're actually very lucky and away from her, now be very strong and stay away.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/25/2017 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow. I can relate. Bipolars without meds can be controlling and definitely try to isolate their spouse. They feel they have more dominance if they get rid of your friends and family. Keep an outside life on the low. It's the only way to keep from going insane yourself! My spouse has chased my adult stepkids away, close friends and family. I still see them on the low. He actually told me he wanted to destroy me. It can feel like you are living with the "exorcist" at times. It's all about them. Get some counseling, then join a hiking club. Get out of the house, whatever you can do. Keep us up to date. Lis

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   
L is thanks I know that her acts are all about her hypermanic self getting control. By separating the assets I have pursued the ball in back corner of the court. Shell either sign or go unresponsive the later is what I expect and I'll hear nothing until she goes into depression...loss of her art studio...dream....she said she would not come home until I finished her room I thought she was joking...but maybe not...

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Found her antistress medicine by the bed she forgot it...

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/26/2017 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
They act like 2 year olds, tantrums to get attention. I try to ignore but sometimes I get irritated. That's what they want , drama. Unfortunately my partner's family feeds into the drama. I hope you can find peace. Must be nice to have her out of the house. Now is your time to make new friends, join a club etc etc. I'm going to the movies this wkend w a friend. Good luck, and fill us in. Take care of you! Lis

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually I miss my partner... you see she has two states one whom is a wonderful companion and the other who is very angry. But I only get explosion and gone. Then you have the long lonely wait... you are of course correct that I should relax...but I've got to finish a house and find employment.... hard been made redundant at 53...

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Any idea why she is in hiding and not communicating...she has had her phone turned off for 13 days. I know she is still in nz...but her plan is active and our overseas frI ends have sent her lots of messages. Even though she has taken the computers...iam using a mobile phone...
In past she say it's because she needs to get her head together and can not handle me in a hyper mania...

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1079
   Posted 10/26/2017 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
There appear to be so many variables here, that you're probably going to have to figure out some, or all, or virtually all of this yourself.

For you are the captain on the ship and see and know things that we don't.

Are you going to try to contact her? Let us know if you find where she is, and that she is OK?

Will she take medical treatment? I take Lithium, and I realize now it slows me down, also. But gosh, I'd rather be slowed down than manic.

Will she agree to any treatment? She needs to be reached, as far as talked to, calmed down and get talk and medicine treatment. Why is she resisting that so much?

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks I am not going to stalk her. I believe I know where she is...but if a corner her it makes things worse and she will get very agitated and angry. The last time see was unwell and we found her she physically ran away and it make her recovery longer...I'll never do that again. I'll let her calm down on her own. Hopefully she is got ting treatment but it may be alternative...but once she calms she'll realise I am a friend and shell be confused for a month. By then I'll be a total mess...unless I have another accident that shocked her out of last eposoide.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/26/2017 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
My partner eposoide seems to have 3 states

I hate you... never want to cu again
I am confused ... but you are my friend
I am your friend...partner... very embarrassed...upset

Then over time she becomes depressed....and

Cycles 12 weeks from I hate you to normal...then 6 to 18 months relative well Ness with some depression.

She never wants to have an eposoide or be put in care. But she does not trust me enough to trust me to watch her medication and help her get well.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/26/2017 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow. I'm concerned for you. You shouldn't have to be responsible for her care. I tried with my spouse and I ruined my own wellbeing. It has to come from her. I know it's hell because my partner is in denial too. Ive stopped altogether asking about his meds m. Its too consuming and I have to work . Please let us all know how it goes. We are behind you all the way. Lis

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 10/27/2017 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I am a fragile man with no friends who lives alone in stables next to a house of love or may be loathing. My astranged wife hates me for blaming everything on bipolar not giving her children...been poccessive and trying to hold her tightly when she is sick to proteCT her. I just make her suffering worse. I seek support from our friends she hates that because her private hell is seen by all. My z does not what anyone to know she is proud but also a fool because I am sure medicine could help...it has helped..
Mental health has said we are Co dependant should separate.. because they think I am cause of her relapses. I just want to see her again... and ensure she is well. I can see through her when she is hyper manic.. when she is depressed she calls me.. I hold her and spoil her.. buy all I want is to see her level
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