Repeated pattern bipolar eposoide

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Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/27/2017 1:06 AM (GMT -7)   
My estranged wife has bipolar 2 and post traumatic stress. Yes she has both. Her family has the bipolar gene. But she has been hi jacked...raped...and severely burned. So she has both ailments. I blame the illness not the person. Yes she the unwell person hurts me but I hurt her... some how the greatest gift god could give my friend is solice peace and a well balanced drug cocktail or essential oils that keep her neither depressed or hyper manic... but that has to wait...till she returns or is no longer my concern

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 10/27/2017 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Live life. Don't put your life on hold until she decides her fate. I can't control my unmediated spouse's decisions. Life is too short...Ive decided to try and enjoy my life now with healthy friends. I came from a very low key and balanced family. My partner came from chaos. Only he can fix it or remedy it. I will no longer take the abuse or the blame. Do something good for yourself this weekend. Lis

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/28/2017 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
My estranged wife has accessed her iMac. I now know exactly where the iMac is but she has not accessed her phone or made contact. I am sure she is unwell. But I can not save her and me...I need to save me.

I do love her and have concluded life without her would be difficult. Liz u are correct but I believe I am responsible for my friend...when she is unable...I made all decisions for her care when she was in burns unit...

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1073
   Posted 10/29/2017 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
You may be capable of emotional closeness with her, but she may not be capable of emotional closeness with you.

You said she had many problems, including rape. I fall for that kind also, because I've had some of those problems.

We feel strong around them, for we are so weak, and it makes us feel important, someone we can take care of.

But they cannot return that, and will not appreciate that but will attack you, because you are a male, just like the person who attacked them.

But it is either being with them, or being with nobody, and so we choose them over loneliness. But it never works out. Only strengthening ourselves will work out, but we can't, because we are as weak as they are.

It is a vicious cycle.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 10/29/2017 12:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Awww u are a kind person. I somehow think manic people seek out gentle and kind people. They are soft and easier to manipulate. I saw a therapist for a few years. It really helped. Well my partner has landed himself in jail before I met him. His manic episodes were out of control and he used drugs and acted in a violent manner. I understand you want to see her again. You care for and love her. We have to love ourselves first though. I was married to a wonderful man for 18 years. He was kind, gentle, and loving. Unfortunately he passed away. I know what it feels like to be w a healthy person. It's wonderful! I wish you the best. Keep us posted. Lis

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/29/2017 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Lis I am so sorry to hear your man passed away. Death is such a final state, but thankfully we will all meet again on the other side.

I too came from a loving and stable family, but we experienced death and hard time, but never mental illness. My mother was incredibly strong and forceful woman who educated her 4 sons, so we could make something of our selves. See died 2 years before I met my estranged partner. My stepfather however met my estranged partner and acted as a guide to my estranged wife and friend in past episodes. But he passed in late 2010.

My estranged wife is not as harsh as some of you think, I am not as soft and kind as you think and I have numerous faults. I fear being alone, when I was 7 my father passed suddenly and I fear that happening again. So we are co-dependant relationship.

When my estranged wife was in an episode in June 2016 I fell 6 m onto concrete path and broke my right ankle very badly. (She was 400 km away, and in no way responsible) The young neighbor rang her and left a message for her to come. The accident shocked her, out of the hypo mania episode... seeing the external fixates, caused her to panic, the nursing staff calmed her as she ran from the hospital, (she runs funny) and brought her in to talk to me, after they calmed her, she wept. She cared for me for 12 weeks while I could not walk. She was distant initially, but as she calmed my partner re-emerged. She has a vibrant and happy level self, I comfort her in the depressed state, but i hate hypo mania state. Our relationship is stable and happy in the normal state and as a friend said worth saving Bozo... because you love her and she loves me? (She says she loves me)

She has told me she can not handle her thoughts in an hypo mania episode, head full of ideas that can not be stopped. She just needs her space...alone.. Being with someone else like me who has insecurity is too much. She said she never wanted to be sick again or in the hospital. This must be the desire that I exploit to get her to find the correct drug cocktail. But she has lapsed...not surprising given the stress we were under.

But what hurts is the harsh way she pushes me away, "Never want to see you again", " This is last time we will talk", "I want a separation now", I know this not really her. The programming probably was transferred to her from her mum to her when she was small. Her early life was a train wreck.

I do not feel strong around her when she is well. We are equals, I take care of areas where I am strong (Financial), fixing things (Repairs and maintenance) whereas she looks after decorating, social activities, and where she is strong, we share other things. We have taught each other so much. She is manipulative though and will try to dominate to get her way, and even though we compromise she get upset as she see compromising as loosing.

Yes I did look after her when she had 26% burns, but the Bipolar was just another part of that complex recovery. I changed dressings, washes pressure cloths and gloves, looked out for infection, managed her work, ACC, kept her family in the loop. But I am no different to my stepfather who looked after my mother as see fought cancer and lost. Just part of been best friends. She did the same for me but to a lesser extent last year as i recovered from a broken leg.

While she rides the Bipolar roller coaster I have to continue my search for another work role, I have to finish our house as much as is possible with funds frozen (Bipolar plan issue..dual signatures) So while my life is not on hold until she exits the haze, it will not be normal. I will have one eye on the job pages, one eye on her. For our fates are linked.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/30/2017 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
My estranged partner has made contact with a friend in Africa. She knew about a dumb face book post I made. I reworked when I realized we all could see. My friend advice is to do other things while waiting. I have spent my day applying for work. If any one has a role for over 50 degree qualified telecommunication engineer let me know.

Post Edited (Africa99) : 11/1/2017 3:14:04 PM (GMT-6)


Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1073
   Posted 10/31/2017 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I think it's good that you are applying for work.

Maybe you could do a dual track a[[roach, by applying for work and being in a position to help your ex if that ever seems the right way to go.

If you can believe that you can get through this, that would probably help. One step at a time, and be positive about that step.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 10/31/2017 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Africa99,

Glad you are moving forward and applying for jobs. All the best with the job search. I work you get some responses soon.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/1/2017 12:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Today brought some positive steps I have 3 consultants hunting for work... 2 jobs that iam been put forward for 1 checking references and 1 hiring manager ringing me for a job I can do. So maybe I will have a way out.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 11/1/2017 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Well. I know that feeling. Mentally ill people have entitlement issues. They lack empathy. It's all about their drama. Luckily I have some good friends. I don't have time to see them aa often as I'd like. I hope you have a great day. What state are you in ? L

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1073
   Posted 11/1/2017 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Africa99:

You now make two people I "know" who either have just gotten a job, or look to be about to, which will be doing them wonders.

The first person just completed his first week on the job. he had been out of a job for 6 months, was on the streets with his girlfriend for some days, got a relative of his girlfriend to give them a free place to say for a few months.

Got their own place on her disability, he was able to get a job, and with his first paycheck bought his girlfriend a used washer/dryer that she had been wanting for months, and had been washing cloths with her feet in the bathtub.

Talk about a turnaround. He has to ride for 225 miles just to get to the job, which pays $10 an hour. And it's making all the difference in the world. To him and to her.

So your job prospects seem to be doing the same thing. A huge possible turnaround. Keep staying positive.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/1/2017 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
My estranged partner is reaching out to her direct family. She has used whatsup for first time in 3 weeks. But I am still on the outer. I suspect she is still wanting a separation. But illness is following the course.

I am still looking for work. Following some strong leads. But if I get work I cam then move forward again.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/2/2017 1:46 AM (GMT -7)   
My estranged partner has made contact. We are messaging she said she has been physicall unwell and had kidney problems. Was on a drip and had a kidney stone removed. She claims she has not been hypo manic andvif she had her doctor would of observed it. But she is now some what confused. If only for your friends..then . She suggested I may be ash burgess or the like. I could well be. I think she wants me to be sick. But I could be I'll may suggest I'll take medicine if she takes medication too.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 11/2/2017 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Africa99,

Hope your partner is doing better physically now.
Seeing that you mentioned it, were you ever diagnosis with AS?

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/2/2017 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I did online test for aspergers last night score 40. Test says if you get more than 30 you are likely to have the condition. I'll ask my doctor.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 11/2/2017 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Well my partner just quit his job for the 20th time in about 2 years. Nuts. Very unstable and typical of bp disorder. I don't go by tests only. Talk to your doctor. My partner likes to think I have a mental illness, or I'm bipolar to diffuse his own state. It's quite common. It puts the ball in your court instead of theirs. A form of manipulation. Good Luck. L

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19898
   Posted 11/2/2017 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
mentally ill people have entitlement issues and lack empathy? not all mentally unwell people loquito. i find this offensive.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/3/2017 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
No I have no formal diagnosis of aspergers. But I may have tendencies. My estranged wife is texting all time asked me to fix her whatsup (user error) i ran her on it no answer. But she accepts it works so i am no longer blamed for stopping her calling family.

My estranged partner is still unwilling to talk directly to me she just wants to text.told me she will not answer the phone. I said I'll only call if an emergency. I'll call twice... last time a family member she was close to died... she was upset I did not let her know.

Still wants to separate. I told her I am still want to be her friend. She has ignored the text.

She asked for help with glasses and to pay her credit card. I told her to go to winz they will help her with glasses. I have given her Tha ability to pay CR card.

My estranged partner mentioned the lawyer may know our pattern. Hate you... confused unsure.... friends ... best frI ends... we are.definitely in transition from hate you to confused. I am reminding her of this gently. Helpful suggestions... etc

People with mental illness are sick we need to help tem to get better. If we can generate empathy by accepting we all have a degree of sickness then why not if we can get them to take there medicine. My estranged wife has said she has her meds.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19898
   Posted 11/3/2017 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
if they don't want to take their meds it is their problem, not yours. people have to help themselves. you can't force feed, ultimately it is their responsibility and choice. yes we empathetic to them but not to take on their situation, because you will be entrenched in a manipulative big old mind ****.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/4/2017 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you missed understood what I meant. If my estranged saw everyone elaw taking their meds she would almost certainly take hers especially if she could see benefit. My estranged wife wants to Stay well. She now has kidney issues and that is why she hates lithium. She has reached out to me several times for help already. I hsve asked her how to get oil based paint off my hands.
She is apparently seeing a doctor and on meds. But she will only text me no calls.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19898
   Posted 11/4/2017 10:46 PM (GMT -7)   
not a bad thing no text or calls. she might just need some space to sort crap out. yes lithium a toxic med. glad she on meds. remember i have bi-polar, so i get it. yes i i missed understood your info. apologies.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/5/2017 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I know my estranged wife is telling me what to do. So much it is overloading me. But also suggests she is a little hypo manic. She keeps saying how tired she she. Also a sign she has or still is slightly hypo manic. But she is now starting to talk about sensible things like recovering her car. Getting it fixed.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 11/6/2017 5:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Africa99,

Don't rely on the online tests. If you suspect you may have Aspergers, please visit a doctor.

I am glad your partner is reaching out to help, even if it is with her direct family. At least she is seeking help from someone. I hope she will continue to use her meds and seek help.

As HT suggested, give her some space. When she is ready, she will come to you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/6/2017 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I am concerned that I am preoccupied with my estranged wife is that normal. She is a big part of my life but should I not just walk away. I have started greaving for what we had.

My other concern is the hospital has contacted her about blood results and she is avoiding them. She complain about having to rent having broken car...and been so so tired. The later she puts down to her kidney sickness. I think it is the kidney condition and the hypo manic she is going thru. She also complains she is living alone and has no one. Well she had me but she has shut we out.

As I depress and stress her. But she has stress sleepless nights and no energy. I had offered to look after her as a friend. I can do no more. I know she has not contacted her sister .... and only talks to c her oldest friend in frequently. C has said to give her space to sought her thoughts our. I just want to hug her and tell her to stop worrying it will be all right. Her friend m is still her
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