Repeated pattern bipolar eposoide

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Tim Tam
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   Posted 11/6/2017 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it is normal to worry about somebody that we care about.

You can do both, look toward the future concerning your job prospects, and be concerned about her.

It sounds like she needs help, so you can keep checking to see if her friend or sister is helping to take care of her.

Are you taking care of yourself? You can also take advantage of this time away from her to look after your own needs. What are your needs right now?

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/7/2017 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Her sister is in alkmaar south africa and will no talk to her if she is unwell. Her other friend is in Sumerset west south africa. She is in wellington in nz. Her friend c talks to her by whatsup. Hence her anger when she thought I blocked it. My doctor told me not to feed the monster. To communicate one a day...then once every two days etc. Today I got a list of items she wants.

Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1073
   Posted 11/7/2017 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I didn't know the others were so far away.

It's good that she gave you a list of items she needs.

How are you going to get the items to her? You are her lifeline to survival.

But as your doctor said, you can't get too close to the monster.

She will pull you in and destroy you.

She can't destroy you if you aren't close to her.

How is your job situation coming along? How are you doing in general?

You can't help her, or yourself, if you aren't in good shape yourself.

Do you talk to her friend who talks to her by whatsup?

Do you talk to her sister and let her know how she's doing?

What is her thinking about taking her medicine?

Africa99
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Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/7/2017 10:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Her sister is not aware of situation. Not a good idea to tell her sister. I also know her location to within 300m. I suspect she is in a particular house.

Her friend c is in regular contact with me. You are correct if I do not respond she gets angry. I never thought if me as her life line. You are correct she needs to ensure I am contactable

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/7/2017 10:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I am still hunting for work. A friend sent me a lead so I applied. I also applied for two other roles.

I am surviving and painted the water proofing in the upstairs bathroom. Tommorrow I'll do the second coat. Then Il complete the painting in the down stairs bathroom. My estranged wife has expressed a desire to choose carpet upstairs.

UserANONYMOUS
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   Posted 11/8/2017 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hope you get some more responses on work soon Africa99.

Yes, grief is natural especially when a relationship is not going good for someone we deeply care about. However, some relationships can be toxic for us, so we sometimes need to make choices on what is best for us.
I am glad your partner has you, and you are there for her despite how she may treat you. But you must remember that this can affect your health as well. Therefore, you need to ensure you take care of yourself too.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Loquito
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Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 11/8/2017 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree,with this. You can learn coping mechanisms if you choose to stay. Seems like since she is fine you have an opportunity to take care of you. If she chooses to come back you might decide life is better without her. I wish you all the luck and strength to get through this. L

Africa99
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Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/8/2017 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I am still waiting to her about two jobs. One where hiring manager is ringing me back. The other is a contact role in Melbourne australia..4 hours away on the jet. I former colleague who's a GM send me a link to a job in his company. I applied.

I am learning coping skills all of the time. My doctor has arranged a consellor. My estranged partner is pushing out separation....as per her normal pattern...hate you.. not sure..but i need you and then reconcillation. She is now asking for help daily. The house build and her broken car and my redundancy has created this mess. But as part of our bipolar plan. Separate assets..put her assets in a trust. Her asset can not be sold in episode. Protects me as my assets will be mine. An we get rid of legal costs.... also give her some freedom. But I wish I could go into stasis for next 8 weeks.

UserANONYMOUS
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   Posted 11/9/2017 5:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I am happy to hear your doctor had arranged for a counselor for you/ I think this is great and it will help you. When is your first session? Let us know how it goes.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/9/2017 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
My first session is two weeks away. Expensive 30% of my weekly income until I get work. I need to get work anand I never realised how hard it was.

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/11/2017 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
A sad day for me. I have nearly finished renovating yje house me moved for my estranged partner. I know we will never live in the house. Although my estranged still has strong view on carpet and floors and kitchen. But she has not seen all the work I put in for her...I hope the love driven work helps..... my estranged is still very stressed and let's out little burps of anger. You have working car...you have free accommodation you have your gsf.. I want to yell back and you could have it too. But I know that until her mind settles and she calms that small wins are all I can have. Been alone and in the country is hard. I see people once or twice a week.
But I have my faith and the house to finish.

Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1073
   Posted 11/11/2017 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   
You said:

"my estranged is still very stressed and let's out little burps of anger. You have working car...you have free accommodation you have your gsf.. I want to yell back and you could have it too. But I know that until her mind settles and she calms that small wins are all I can have."

I know of which you speak. I am trying to help a female now who is also bipolar, as your ex-girlfriend is, and as I am.

Except, I am a bipolar on medicine--Lithium to calm down the mania and Mirtazapine anti-depressant--to lift the depression.

She is a bipolar who is not on medicine, and like your ex-girlfriend, she is all over the place. Sometimes she is talking like at about 100 miles an hour. That's when she's out cigarettes, not having any or taking any medicine for bipolar, and probably out of street drugs.

Her next, first, appointment at a medical clinic, is Nov. 15. We are trying to get her on some kind of bipolar medicine, and off any street drugs she may be taking.

She has been saying for 6 months she's going to get her driver's license, but it's just dawned on me that she might have criminal record of some sort which will show up if she tries to get a driver's license, and she knows she won't get it.

Because someone told me her boyfriend had a felony and that's why they didn't apply for govt. housing.

But he got a job two weeks ago, I think he said it paid $1,500 a month. So that is very good.

But I know what you're going through trying to work with a bipolar. From being one, and from trying to help one, tough. Rewarding at times, but tough.

But what else are you going to do. Leave them stranded like plenty of people have left us? No way.

You said, "Been alone and in the country is hard. I see people once or twice a week."

As someone who cannot drive, I often go for long spells without seeing any body. So, I know what that's about, also.

You say, "But I have my faith and the house to finish."

As poet Robert Frost put it,

On Stopping in the Woods on a Snowy Evening

"My horse must find it ****,
to stop without a farmhouse near.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
"but I have promises to keep,

"And miles to go before I sleep.
"And miles to go before I sleep."

and

"Two paths diverged in a yellow wood.

"And I, I took the one less traveled by.

"And that has made all the difference."

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/12/2017 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you. I do not understand the poem. But I know I will walk this path alone in the arms of Jesus. For I have walked it before. I also know the my estranged wife of 18 years knows she can ask for help can trust me. I provide a link to reality for her. It is strange how she gates me and needs me. It is though her hatred is Bourne out of her knowledge that she needs me but does not want to need me. This thought makes me very sad. For my love for her is unconditional and has been tempered in the fires of hell. For I feel alone without her. As though part of me is missing.

UserANONYMOUS
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Date Joined May 2011
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   Posted 11/13/2017 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hope things get better for you Africa! Know that we are here for you.
On the bright side, your first counselling session is now 1 week away. Looking forward to hearing how it goes for you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/13/2017 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I just heard I've got interview for 6 month contract in Melbourne australIA. I will definitely take the contract if I get a contract. I ll make sure that my estranged knows she can have our house and the.car. she'll need to finish the renovation. .... but she has gone off air again. She said she was out of cell coverage for weekend...but she has not come back into coverage. I fear she will panic when she realisees her life line is gone

UserANONYMOUS
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Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted 11/14/2017 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Luck with the interview! Hope it goes well.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Africa99
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/15/2017 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Iam so upset this morning. The plumber came to talk about the house. I just began to cry because once we sell of plot and house it will be all over. My estranged has expressed a desire to return but can not handle the emotion is seeing me. I truely believe that she in part hates me. I know that at this stage I usually see the start of change but at this stage we are usually a least talking. But once I have a job offer I will be leaving and very unlikely to return. I fell guilty about leaving her but if I leave she will have a place to live and an ability to earn a modest income. Am I bad for wanting out.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4405
   Posted Yesterday 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Thinking about yourself, and doing what is best for you does not make you bad at all. You need to take care of yourself. I am glad to hear that you are putting yourself first, and moving forward.

It will take time for you to get adjusted, but it is a process. Hang in there and continue moving forward!

UA
Moderator - Bipolar
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