Your marriage sounds a lot like the one I had.
And the symptoms you say about your wife sound a lot like the symptoms my wife had.
You said one doctor said she might be Bipolar.
As a Bipolar myself, it could be that, but I’m thinking it sounds like something else.
As a person with no medical training, but who has read about this condition quite a bit, I believe my wife had borderline personality syndrome, caused by trauma in childhood, usually sexual abuse.
(As for the possible sexual abuse in your wife’s case, you said,
“Her mother left her when she was 12 had a abusive drunk father that didn't give up the bottle till she was about 15.”
(In your years of being with her, have you ever heard her say anything like, “Well, one night when he was drunk, he came into my room…”?
(You may not have paid much attention to it, but you need to now.
(With no mother in the home to protect the child, with a father who is drunk, and with her turning out the way she did and pathologically hating males, that is a lot of information right there.)
Such possible abuse in childhood can cause their ego to divide, as they can’t handle this trauma, but run to one side of their now divided ego, and leave the trauma on the other side of their ego, with a protection wall in between.
Emotionally they don’t grow anymore past the age when the trauma occurred, whether it was 10 or 12 or what. Emotionally, they stay at that physical age, while physically, they grow to 15, 30, etc.
So, you see a 30-year-old, but really they're an emotional 10 year old.
You see one physical person, but they’re really two, because of the divided ego. They’re the nicest person in the world, and they’re also the meanest person in the world.
Your mind cannot conceive of that, because you’re seeing only one physical person. That’s why you can never figure these people out.
1. That why you say, “homesickness she cry all night wanting to go back to the phillipines. She wake up though the next morning apologize and everything was good.” It’s like two different people in the same body.
2. That why you say, “She go on (tirades) about wanting to go home and that I am a worthless old husband that she needs a young man. She say such meanful disrespectful things. Then the next day she cry and apologize or pretend like nothing happened.”
She’s like that because she’s divided from the trauma, in my amateur opinion.
3. You said, “she called me and sent nasty msg to me, (I) ignored them. I had a family get together that I went to.. She walked 3 miles in heals to the get togheter and then apologized to my family and me saying she doesn't want a divorce and us ignoring her made her realize she was wrong.”
4. You said, “We then made a pac that night she would never say a mean or hateful thing to me.” ….”Well of course she broke the pac 5 days later got mad at me over saying we didn't have the budget for christmas decorations. She of course then went into our joint and spent 300 bucks on it.”
I think you need to get out of this before you have a child and you can’t get out of it. Right now, you can pack your suitcase and you can walk out the door. If you wait until you have a child, it will be 100 times more difficult. As in, who will get custody of the child, what days will visitation be for the other parent?
Not to mention what life will be like for the child.
The time to get out is now. You are actually very lucky to learn her behavior before there is a child. If you think she mistreats you, a grown man, wait till you see the way she mistreats your child, right in front of you.
Again, you don’t realize it, but you have it easy right now, compared to where it’s going to be in a few years and have a child.
From just what you wrote in your post about her behavior, the case can be made: you need to leave.
But when you get some data on what’s going on beneath the surface and possibly why she acts this way, makes it 10 times more important, to get out as quickly as you can as the condition is very serious.
You really, really need to act on what you already know; get out.
Call the lawyer.
This is simply my opinion from someone whose main source of “expertise” is that I was married to a borderline wife for 36 years, and she absolutely tried to destroy me, and then gave the same hostile treatment to our child.
Your only defense is to get out. And you’re either smart enough to realize that, or you’re stupid like I was.