In need of help

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hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/11/2017 8:13 AM (GMT -6)   
...

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:08:20 AM (GMT-7)


Husband Johnny
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/11/2017 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I feel your pain 100%. My wife whi is the love of my life is going through the same thing. No emotion towards me whatsoever. Wants to be alone and away from me and the kids. She has bipolar type 1 and has been through this exact thing before. And like last time she returns to herself and tells me it's not her. There is hope for you. I never give give up on my wife. I know it is extremely difficult to deal with. I wish you all the best.

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/11/2017 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Johnny. I just hope I didn't screw this up. I didn't see the signs as she was being treated for ADD and depression not bipolar. I thought maybe she was abusing her meds. Now I do and she want divorce. When she lost her job in Feb she did not take her afternoon meds and there was a bunch of pills. But I did not see them disappearing although she carries a about 60 with her in an expired pill bottle. Is there any change to speak with her psychiatrist? I called once and no call back. Who knows what she told him. I am so sure of this. Issue is this guy she is speaking to on the internet is like coaching her. It's really odd! He scares me. I looked him up and I found an article with his kids and separated wife (not even divorced) on section 8 housing. Not that there is anything wrong with that but he had a bunch of judgments as well and I'm concerned he is out for $$. I told my wife and she defends him. I said it nice to her and asked her to talk to her doctor about it. We had a great day together and then she yelled at me at night and said she would report me for looking him up. Then said maybe our kids will end up in section 8 housing as well. I am really concerned. I really hate hippa laws. There really should be a way around this. I know it's my side of the story but I have tons of backup. She never allowed me near the psychiatrist although we are best friends. On our 20th anniversary card just two weeks before asking for a divorce she wrote "Happy 20! And Happy 20 more! You're a fantastic husband a great father and a wonderful friend!" When I asked why she wrote that two days after asking for the divorce she got angry and said what else should I have written. I mean she seems manic and thinking back this could have been really since fighting with her mom in June and July or since she switch to Adderall as the moods have been terrible. She just feels very powerful right now. Yelling and demanding. Then very happy almost euphoric, then mean the next day, then mischievous, no depression though (she is on two different depression meds.) I never know who I am walking home to and always have to walk on eggshells. Thank you to anyone that can help.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/12/2017 7:02:02 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/12/2017 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
It's good that you reached out for help.

You say your wife was engaging in risky behavior by talking with men on the net.

You said she is being treated for Attention Deficit Disorder and depression.

You sad she takes Adderall and two antidepressants and 1 mg of Xanax tranquilizer for sleep.

Then you start making a case for her being bipolar, noting that this runs in her family, but her mom won’t call the psychiatrist, even though she is disappointed.

Then you note behavior:

1. “She now types to this buy every day obsessively. At the beginning I counted 1000 texts in two days plus facebook messaging I cannot see.”

2. “Some days such a high and others mean and low.”

3. Before this incident there was two months that she was arguing with her mom every day (her mom lives with us).”

4. ““All the signs are there: a lot of money, extremely irritable, yelling, swearing (even with kids). She also took some of this guys identity who I fear is out for money (Although we really do not have much). Last time she started liking different music and go really into marvel.”

5. I truly feel she is having a manic episode

6. self esteem through the roof, not sleeping then crashing, very talkative after taking Adderall and thoughs wander, making huge plans and not following through, racing thoughts, sexual on line behavior. Spending on her daughter.

7. “She has always had severe mood swings but I suspect the psychiatrist is missing something.”

As a bipolar, I think he is, also.

Sounds to me, also, that, like you say, she has bipolar.

Adding Adderall to bipolar, would be enough to fuel the space shuttle into orbit.

Then add two antidepressants but no mood stabilizer to keep the antidepressants from going into mania, would add to that.

(I take Lithium to slow down the mania. The anti-depressant that I take (Mirtazapine) could push me from depressed into mania, if it wasn't for the Lithium mood stabilizer which slows me down.)

The net (drugs.com) says about Addderall that it “contains a combination of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine. Amphetamine and dextroamphetamine are central nervous system stimulants that affect chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.”

“Adderall is used to treat narcolepsy and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).”

It says, “Adderall may be habit-forming, and this medicine is a drug of abuse.”

On the street I think it’s called speed.

• Signs of mania (mayoclinic.org) are:

• Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
• Increased activity, energy or agitation
• Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
• Decreased need for sleep

• Unusual talkativeness
• Racing thoughts
• Distractibility
• Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investments

Can you get a new psychiatrist? If she’s hollering at the kids, I think you really have to work on that. Can you write him a letter about your feelings on having bipolar?

Can you talk to her about changing doctors? To find one, maybe get the computer YP or Yellow Pages and/or type in “psychiatrists, your town” in the search engine or in the phone book website, and see what happens.

Maybe try a female psychiatrist this time.

I think you’re right to reach out for help.

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/13/2017 8:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Tim. Now that I am stronger I am trying to get a plan in place. I used an article I found on how to speak to someone bipolar. It has been working but it is so difficult. I am trying to gain her trust back. I know how that sounds but in my mind I am now thinking of it as an illness. Although I do not have a diagnosis, two docs I have spoken to agree it is a strong possibility. Saying similar things you said. I love her with all my heart and I missed this and you are right the adhd meds send her flying when she takes them. Tons of energy. I thought she was abusing at first but I believe I was wrong. After the holidays I am going to ask her to see a new psychiatrist one time for a second opinion but I do not know if she will go for it. She is on a pedestal right now and everyone else is beneath her. She can do no wrong and gets real mean at times. Last night she was screaming at my 12 yr old son real bad. I had to bring him in the other room away from her and calm him down. Does this phase pass? I remember last time this happened it was like an overnight change back to my wife but an event happened at her job that did it (Her boss criticized her and she got mad at him). Its been like 6 months of this. She started a new job in Sept she loves and puts all her energy into. The scary thing is this guy she is talking to, I caught him like coaching her. He texts her all hours of the day. I keep ignoring that part but am also scared for my family at the same time. Every time I brought him up she would get mad at me and defend him. I asked her if she can guaranty we are safe. She would not answer the question. That was the last thing I said to her about him. I am so stuck. Even the marriage fails the family will still have to deal with the illness, or whatever is wrong. I know she loves the kids and me. It is all so bizarre.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/13/2017 8:41:53 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/13/2017 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
It’s good that you wrote back.

You said:

“I thought she was abusing at first but I believe I was wrong.”

It’s good that she’s not abusing, but the web says Adderall, which is a form of speed, for hyperactivity, is habit forming.

You said, “She is on a pedestal right now and everyone else is beneath her. She can do no wrong and gets real mean at After the holidays I am going to ask her to see a new psychiatrist one time for a second opinion but I do not know if she will times. Last night she was screaming at my 12 yr old son real bad.”

Any chance you could look in the computer phone book/computer search engine, and type in “Psychiatrist” for "your home town”? And just see what the list says.

Maybe write down your top 2 or 3 choices. I’ve had better luck with female psychiatrists, which your wife may be more comfortable with, also.

Any chance you could say, “I have a psychiatrist or two in mind, any chance we could get a second opinion?”

It may take a week or two or more to get the appointment, so the sooner you get started with this, the sooner you’re going to get the appointment.

Also, some might be able to see you in a week or two, some may take a month or two, which could help you figure which one you want to see.

You asked, “Does this phase pass?” talking about her screaming at the child.

Well, I think it’s part of the manic phase of the sickness, bipolar, and it won’t pass without medication, such as Lithium which I am taking, which calms the mania.

The first time I took it, I felt like the air had been let out of a too tight balloon. I had no idea I was that tense, for I had been like that all of my life.

She won’t believe how much of a difference it makes in her life. I also need the antidepressant on the other end of the spectrum, so it takes both, for without the Lithium, or other mood stabilizer, the antidepressant will throw me into mania and maybe panic attacks.

I would be concerned about this guy on the net, also. She might could be talked into anything.

I would try to get her off of that Adderall, by first seeing a new psychiatrist. I know, easier said than done, but that’s what I would try for.

I would look up the names of such doctors now, and present her with that data, to go ahead and set up an appointment.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/13/2017 12:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful44,

Welcome to the forum!
I am sorry for what you are currently going through.

Did you attend any counselling or therapy sessions for your depression? If you did, can you schedule another session with your therapist? I think talking to them about this will help you, especially since your wife's psychiatrist is not returning your calls.

However, your wife must be willing to seek further help. If she is not interested, there isn't much anyone can do.

I hope things get better for you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/14/2017 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes I have had weekly sessions. We are working up to talking to her about her potential issue and getting a second opinion. I am not very assertive with her and have not been. She suggests it is time I get assertive. She is getting the best of everything right now. All the attention because if I am not working I am with her or her and the kids (which is typical anyway as we always spend tons of time together). My depression is better with meds I just started taking. Crying has stopped. My therapist also told me I cannot change her. She needs to realize it. If it wasn't for this creep on the net it might be possible. I am just so concerned for her and my family. They talk all the time. Thank you all for the help. If anyone went through this and has suggestions of what worked I am very appreciate of any help here.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/14/2017 6:30:29 AM (GMT-7)


UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/14/2017 7:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful,

Happy to hear that the meds are helping you.

Communication is the key. However, if she is not willing to listen, it will be hard. I would suggest that you use this time to take care of yourself.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/14/2017 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Are there any chatrooms or facebook pages I could go to for support as well besides here? And I am doing all I can for me right now. My issue is I am a family man and my family is everything to me. It has been so difficult. I know I will get through it either way but my children will suffer, both emotionally and financially. We worked so hard to build a life from nothing for them that we can be proud of. Now it seems to be crashing in an instant and I don't have a reason why from her other than "You are a good husband. I am a bad wife. I am just not happy. It's not you it's me. I am not in love with you but we should still be real good friends."

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/14/2017 6:54:06 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/14/2017 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
OK, we'll take that deal, as long as she quits hollering at your kids.

She can't even do that so we don't have to do anything.

She's been misdiagnosed, miss-medicated, she's on rocket fuel when she needs a calm down (like Lithium), she's acting just like the medicine is leading her.

You said, "We are working up to talking to her about her potential issue and getting a second opinion."

That's very good.

You said, "I know I will get through it either way but my children will suffer, both emotionally and financially."

That's one more good reason to get her to another psychiatrist for a second opinion.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/15/2017 6:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful,

We have a chat room, but it is not too active. I know that there use to be some group meet ups, not sure if there are still any. Sometimes, if you login during the night, you may be lucky to find someone there. The forum here is more active than the chat.

Do a search on Facebook for Bipolar groups. There are groups you can join, or even pages and they are active.
I joined one group on Facebook for Marfan's syndrome and it was active.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/18/2017 7:21 AM (GMT -6)   
So I've been following this to a tee for about two weeks:

http://ibpf.org/article/11-ways-support-someone-during-mania

And for the first time in three month she said she loved me this morning. A positive sign.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/18/2017 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful,

Great article!

A positive sign indeed. I am happy to hear this and I hope things continue to get better.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/19/2017 7:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Then Monday she speaks to the guy (I believe) and wants to cancel plans with me after I get home from work. Says she is sick but does not seem sick when I get home. I do get her to go with me (nicely) and she has a good time and then we stayed up coloring adult coloring books together, having fun. But then goes back to him after taking her Xanax at night. She stays up typing to him and some mysterious friends on some page at night with the Xanax in her instead of sleeping with it like she is supposed to. She has to be lying to her doctor. This hurts me so bad! This morning I told her I love her and she said thank you. This is the worst time in my life. I can feel she loves me. We continue to do everything together but was just notified she now has a new credit card in her name with a $7500 limit she did not tell me about. She works part time min wage. Came through in a fraud protection email to me from Cred Karma. I always monitored our credit. This just keeps getting worse.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/19/2017 8:48:35 AM (GMT-7)


UserANONYMOUS
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Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/19/2017 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful,

Sorry to hear how things are going. When one has Bipolar, their mood can vary unexpectedly.

Did you attend therapy recently and talk to your therapist about this? They would be able to explain what one should expect when with someone who has Bipolar (the changes in mood, etc.).

Hold on to the positives, but be sure to take care of yourself.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/21/2017 7:26 AM (GMT -6)   
OK one more question. And thank you for all of the help. She has been playing a lot of games on her kindle and I noticed she had been buying a lot of keys for the games. Saw this a few days ago and asked her very nicely to not do it any more. She agreed but continued. Up to $200 in less than a month. How do I get that to stop without totally upsetting her? Need to just get through Christmas. You are right about the swings by the way. Totally back and forth. I am remaining supportive as much as possible. Taking care of family and me. Thank you again.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/21/2017 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hopeful,

Hope you were able to find the chat groups.

Can you have a limit on how much she is spending? Maybe a limit on how much money is available on the card. This way, she would not be able to purchase once she uses all the money in it.

When in a manic state, temptations may seem ever too great for shopping online. One way to lessen this temptation is by restricting or monitoring Internet use. Is it possible for your to restrict her internet use? Know on some systems, or via using some apps, you can block access from some sites. Not sure if you you can do this with on the kindle.

I hope she gets control on her spending.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/21/2017 8:38 AM (GMT -6)   
She would never go for that as she is talking to men on facebook, messenger and text as well. It is a pattern. Did the same thing 3 years ago. I thought she was cheating. Now I think it is an illness. But one of these guys was really creepy and she was telling him financial things. I just hope I am not wrong and still really have no idea what to do.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/21/2017 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
What does she say about your setting up an appointment with a different psychiatrist in January?

hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/22/2017 7:23 AM (GMT -6)   
..

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:09:27 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/22/2017 2:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Good to hear from you. Nice to hear that things are on more of an even keel now.

I am glad she is slowly coming back to you.

If your wife goes into the psychiatrist depressed, he or she may diagnose her as depressed, and give her only an anti-depressant, which can help throw her into mania, without something like Lithium to calm the mania.

So she or someone needs to report all the manic outbursts, and family history about that.

You said, “She did yesterday admit to me her mom had bipolar, at least she is fairly certain of it. Her mom is on meds too.”

(So, this turns out to be the wife's mother's mother who had bipolar.)

I take Lithium as a mood stabilizer to calm my mania, and Mirtazapine for an antidepressant.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 12/22/2017 1:29:18 PM (GMT-7)


hopeful44
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/22/2017 2:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry if the post was confusing. It was my mother in law that said that about her mom that passed away in 2009 so my wife's grandmother. Do not know if she was on meds or what they would have been. My wife is currently on 20 mg Celexa (change in October) plus 60 mg Cymbalta (last two years) so now both. 1 mg Xanax nightly (but stays up typically on the net after taking it. I was just prescribed .25mg and take half and it almost knocks me out. I am 100 pounds heavier.), 30 mg er Adderall in am, had 20mg of Adderall in afternoon but I think this stopped. Those are the psyc meds.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/22/2017 1:21:41 PM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1246
   Posted 12/22/2017 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for clarifying that. That's what I didn't know. It read:

"I keep trying to ask her mom for help with my wife's doctor (she lives with us) but she was told from her sister to stay out of it. She will not help. This is the third time in her life she stuck her head in the sand on her daughter. As she has gotten older though she is not as sharp. She did yesterday admit to me her mom had bipolar, at least she is fairly certain of it. Her mom is on meds too."

I didn't know if it was your wife's mom who was bipolar, or the wife's mom's mom who was bipolar.

So, my only guess was, maybe we're talking about the wife's mom, cause maybe they don't go back all the way to the wife's grandmother.

But it's still important to know that your wife's mother's mother had bipolar.

Because, traits can skip a generation. My mother's mother had bipolar, also. But my mother did not. However, I inherited the bipolar from my grandmother, not from my mother.

Also, you said your wife's mother took medicine. Is it for emotional problems?

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 12/22/2017 1:33:22 PM (GMT-7)


willsound
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 12/26/2017 2:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hopeful, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is very tough to see your wife like that, I know. My wife became manic in May of this year. Became very delusional (thinks she is immortal), loved me but wasn't in love with me, became distant with our kids, crazy spending (I ended up taking all the cards she had). By June, she bought a plane ticket, took all of our money out of the bank and left. My kids and I have not seen her since.
I know it is very hard to deal with. It is like your wife has been misplaced by another individual that you do not know at all. Just an emotionless individual that appears to only think about their self. There isn't anything you can say or anything you can do, besides getting her professional help, but she must want the help. Bipolar is extremely hard to deal with. Keep strong and take care of yourself. Make sure you have support for yourself. You will come out stronger my friend.
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