In need of help

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hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
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   Posted 12/27/2017 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
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Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:11:34 AM (GMT-7)


hopeful44
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Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/29/2017 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Last night I work up about 2:30am and wife was not in bed. Lights on TV on she was not there. I looked for her outside and did not originally see her. Then looked downstairs, ect. Looked back outside. Found her sitting on the deck. She has been smoking back there. Except it was 7 degrees out and she had no coat or gloves on. She looked like she was nodding out as she had taken her Xanax hours before. What if I didn't wake up. I confronted her about it the next day and she said she was fine. She remembers everything and she says she was safe.

I tried to call her psychiatrist again today. Spoke to the receptionist. Basically she said its my word against hers and he probably will not speak to me. This is just so unfair. I will be confronting her soon about bipolar and mania. I just don't understand how she will see it or how I will tell her. Any advice on how to confront her would be appreciated. She talks to me about her racing thoughts and calls herself crazy often, however if you say anything to her she is quick to project and turn it around on anyone saying anything negative about her. I am getting more and more concerned. Still staying on her good side but no emotions or no love. No talk of divorce but I am sure it is there. She sleeps like 4 hours most nights. Thank you everyone.

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 12/29/2017 12:14:23 PM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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   Posted 12/29/2017 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, that's pretty dangerous, outside in 7 degree weather, on Xanax, and doesn't feel a thing.

So, are we waiting till first of January to try and get a new psychiatrist?

You say, "She talks to me about her racing thoughts and calls herself crazy often"

She knows there is something wrong. Since she is female, she might do better with a female psychiatrist, I do, and I'm a male.

So might look for a female psychiatrist. Do you have any names, yet?

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/29/2017 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Honestly, I am scared once I bring this up with her everything will blow up.

Tim Tam
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   Posted 12/29/2017 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
What will she do if you said, "I want to set up another appointment with another psychiatrist?"

Seems like you've already mentioned that, she blew up I think is what happened.

But how did she react? Maybe talk to her after she's taken her Zanax. Maybe she's more clam then.

I think you're going to have to bring it up. She's already destroyed about everything she can destroy.

You have a right to protect your house, your finances, your marriage, your kids.

If she comes back at you, just be ready to deal with it. She's already thrown everything at you but the kitchen sink. It won't be a whole lot of difference from what she is already doing.

You know, like, to protect your kids, your finances, you have to do this. It's your money she's spending, you have a right to protect that. It's your kids that she hurting, you have a right to protect them. It's your marriage she's hurting, you have a right to protect that.

She can't do a whole lot, for you're physically stronger than she is. She can go to a point, then she has to back off, cause you would win that one. She's worried about you.

I would bring it up. I would have some reasons ready if she objects, such as the harm she is doing to the kids, to herself, and that it's not over yet. That as bad as it's been, nothing really bad has happened yet. She hasn't ended up in jail.

That this can land smoothly, if she will at least get a second opinion. That you have a psychiatrist lined up. That she owes it to that family to get herself in better mental shape.

It's not the end of the world, it's talking to a new psychiatrist for 30 to 45 minutes. If she can't give up 45 minutes for the benefit of the family, she's not really doing her part.

That the appointment has already been set up, and that if she' not going, you're going to talk to the psychiatrist. Tell her when the appointment is, what time, and offer to take her. (I know, you might be at work, but is there a time when you might could go?)

If nothing else, you could get the paper work from the office and have her fill it out at home. That way, it would be a step by step process. One half of the step would be filling out the paper work at home. The other half would be handing the paperwork to the secretary, and then talking to the psychiatrist for 45 minutes. She doesn't have to take any different medicine.

She's already said, "She talks to me about her racing thoughts and calls herself crazy often"

Tell her she doesn't have to live that way.

She should feel lucky she has someone who is still around to help her.

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/31/2017 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
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Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:11:22 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 12/31/2017 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
It's good that you tried to get her to go to therapy.

If she won’t go to therapy, I would take her credit card away from her.

I would not finance anything that she wants. I would make her pay her own bills, which won’t be many on her parttime job.

I would think of other ways to stop your cooperating with her.

I would tell her that she is not to abuse the children anymore.

I would remind her of her irratic behavior:

1. sitting on the deck in 7 degreee weather.

2. her telling some creep financial things.

3. taking ot a new credit card with out letting husband know.

4. playing kindle and spending $200 in less than a month on that.

5. having no concern for her children, and spending money that could be saved or spent on them.

6. talking to men on facebook.

7. screaming at the 12 year old, and claiming there is nothing wrong with that.

8. being treated for Attention Deficit Disorder and depression, with Adderall and two antidepressants and 1 mg of Xanax tranquilizer for sleep.

9. when Adderall is speed on the streets.

10. when acutally you are bipolar. Giving speed and two antidepressants to a bipolar is the worst thing you could do, making the person even more manic when you’re supposed to be giving them something to calm down the mania.

11. You have all the signs of bipolar, but you’re not being diagnosed or medicated for it, and our children are paying for it.

12. You have speeded up mind, fast talking, going from subject to subject, that’s the result of the speed you are taking. Your psychiatrist suffers not at all from this, you and your children do. You don’t care, your psychiatrist doesn’t care, these people on facebook don’t care, I don’t care, except what you do to the children.

13. and it’s all because of the speed.

14. you sit on the deck in 7 degree weather, nodding off like you’re going to go to sleep, and think you’re being a good mother when you’re somebody on speed.

15. you’re verbally abuxive to your mother, you swear and yell at the children, but you’re as kind as you can be to some creep on the net. And you think you’re a great mother.

These are all my opinions as a bipolar. I'm not sure I would say these things are not. I'm just saying I would, but I might not. So you'll have to decide what you think.

I do think you are going to have to get firm with her. Playtime is over. Your children's present and future is depending on something taking place that is to their benefit.

Somebody has to stand up for the children. We know who stands up for her, she does, her mother does, you do many times. But who stands up for the children?

Well, there's only one person in that household who can do that.

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/1/2018 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
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Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:09:53 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 1/2/2018 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that is a good situation. She going to your therapist with you. Maybe your therapist can recommend a psychiatrist. Since she is a female, she might feel comfortable with a female psychiatrist.

Maybe that’s part of the reason she is seeing your therapist, because she is a female.

I’ve been through what you’re talking about with your wife. My wife being interested in others. With a child, I didn’t know what to do, either. I just tried to deal with it the best I could. Maybe the medicine the psychiatrist can give her will calm her down and she will refrain from that.

What was she like before taking the medicine that’s making her wild? Was she pretty calm, or at least calmer than she is now on this high energy medicine?

Yeah, I started keeping journals on what all my wife was doing to try to calm myself down. I probably had several hundred pages of notes. What happened in my case was, I keep the family together for 10 years, by not carrying on a scene around the house by our child, keeping him from what was really going on.

Then at 13 it all broke lose, he found out, and he basically came unglued.

So all of my efforts went for naught. Now, I may have helped him by postponing it until he was 13, but it still all came unglued, and he hasn’t been the same since. Now grown, he and I’s relationship ended about a year ago.

I tell you this to prep you for what might be to come. If she keeps staying in contact with men, talking to her mother the way she does, not having any regard for her children as far as flaunting her interests in other men in front of you, spending the families money on what could be saved or used for the kids, the children are going to find out one day, and it’s going to hurt them.

Her uncaring attitude about this and what harm it could bring to the children a few years down the road, is as bad as her behavior. She is not only not caring about her mother or you, she is also not caring about her children. Is she like a narcissist?

What was she like when you dated? Did she not care about anybody else? Of course, a lot of that could be bipolar.

Before I got on Lithium, I could probably be pretty uncaring about people, myself.

So your therapist does sound really good about what she does. She and you, and your kids, may be the saving elements in this. And some Lithium.

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/2/2018 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I screwed up this morning and got into a fight with her and let things out when she flipped me off in front of my kid. I then yelled at her in front of my kid. We then finally had a talk. I told her about the bipolar and she thinks she has no signed. She then seemed very normal with me and I was upset. I gave her all of the info I had. She also told me she did not discuss the divorce with her psychiatrist. Why would she not do that? She has allowed me to write a letter to him. I did that and will give it to her but after she reads it she won't give it to him. We are telling the children we are separating tonight. This is terrible.

Tim Tam
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   Posted 1/2/2018 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Who gets the child or children?

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/3/2018 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Well she reluctantly went to the paychitriat today. She let me give her a letter to give to him. I hope she does. It she would not let me go with her. Remaining hopeful but I feel like I already lost.

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/3/2018 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   
And no change to diagnosis of course. She says she gave him the letter. We will divorce. She seemed perfectly fine today after getting a long nights sleep. Time to focus on the kids and me. This is a lost cause.

Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 1/3/2018 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, you gave it a good try.

Like you said, now is time to focus on you and the kids.

Instead of wondering which way she's going to fly off in next.

Are you going to get the kids or what?

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/3/2018 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I want my kids to have their Mom. Split custody unless she screws up. Her mom loved with us 12 years and has been enabling her for years. She promised she will keep that up and watch the kids. I tell ya my therapist tells me I am not crazy but I feel that way. I gave her written proof and recordings along with all the stories. I will have to focus elsewhere.

Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 1/3/2018 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, that's similar to the way I felt when my marriage went bad when our child was 3.

Except, I wasn't willing to leave the house we were buying. I also didn't want to leave our child.

I also didn't want our child to not have a mother in the house. Ideally, I wanted the mother in the kitchen making lunch or cookies, and I wanted to be in the living room playing games with the child.

So, I didn't leave and she didn't leave. It was a bad marriage, but it was kept together so that we all 3 lived in the same house.

I can understand your wanting the kids to have their mom.

I can imagine you do feel mixed up right now. I know I went through turmoil when my marriage was totally fouled up, but with the kid and buying a house together, I wasn't going to leave. Plus, my finances wouldn't really allow that. I had a hard time keeping a job as a bipolar.

I hope you're on some medcine. Is that right?

It's good that you have a therapist. Are you going to see her more often than usual?

Are you going to move out?

Whatever is going to happen to her taking speed (anti-hyperactivity medicine) when she is in the manic part of her bipolar? What's going to happen to the kids when she's the only parent and can't function and can't hand the kids off to you?

She's already hollering at the kids, and cursing them out, even when you're there to help her out. What can we expect after you leave?

She might not be able to handle them. They might not be able to handle her. You might end up with custody of the kids, which would be rough.

I think as you've already mentioned, whatever happens to the marriage, she's got to get on the right medicine so she can calm down. The only way I can write this is that I'm on Lithuim stabalizer (and an anti-depressant), which keeps me from going 100 miles per hour in my mind.

Am I glad Lithium was invented? Yeah. I know good and well what would happen if I was not on Lithum. I can remember what it was like.

Tis is like a 3-ring circus.

1. The psychiatrist putting your bipolar wife on speed.

2. Your bipolar wife not taking a stablizer like Lithium, like I am which calms you down in your manic stage, but taking an amphetomine, known on the street as speed.

3. You wife's mother pulling for her daughter.

4. And yourself watching all of this in your living room.

I was in a bad situation, also, for a long time, so I have a pretty good idea of what's going on.

I got through it, and you can too. What choice did we have?

Again, do you have a psychiatrist so you can get some medicine if you need it?

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/4/2018 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
..

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:10:56 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 1/4/2018 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Good that you are on Pristique, which net says is an anti-depressant. If your nerves get to you, they have an anti-depressant that also treats anxiety, I believe. You might want to talk to your psychiatrist about that.

You said, “She went from mother of the year to nightmare” and “Maybe it’s not bi polar and mania. Maybe it’s her current meds.”

In an earlier post, you said: "she is taking 30-50 mg daily Adderall and two antidepresents along with 1 mg of Xanax each night to sleep and she hardly sleeps. She has always had severe mood swings but I suspect the psychiatrist is missing something"

You said, "All the signs (for bipolar, I’m thinking you mean) are there: self esteem through the roof, not sleeping then crashing, very talkative after taking Adderall and thoughs wander, making huge plans and not following through, racing thoughts, sexual on line behavior, spending a lot of money, extremely irritable, yelling, swearing (even with kids)."

You didn’t mention depression, so maybe with the Adderall she doesn’t get depressed, or, she’s just manic without the depression, if that exists. Before Adderall, did she ever get depressed?

Again, you said, “Maybe it’s not bi polar and mania. Maybe it’s her current meds.”

(She may be already hooked, as stated below can happen fairly quickly, is why she doesn't want to change doctors. --Tim)

To see if it might be the medicine she’s taking, Adderall, Rx.com said, Adderall (amphetamine and dextroamphetamine salts) is an amphetamine used for treating attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and narcolepsy. Side effects of Adderall include:

• nervousness, restlessness, excitability, irritability, agitation, dizziness, headache, fear, anxiety, agitation, tremor, weakness, blurred vision, sleep problems (insomnia), and others.
--------------------

It also has weight loss as a side affect -Tim. Years ago, some doctors, quacks, use to prescribe it for that, but I heard they had to cut back or stop that. Years ago, some students would take it to stay up all night and study, but it wasn’t something a legitimate doctor would prescribe.

It’s so controversial and potentially dangerous, that it’s a controlled substance, which the net says are those medications which have a higher or lower potential for abuse. It’s so much of an upper that it’s a street drug.

I had a next door neighbor who told me she went to the town quack doctor (who was later arrested) to get her amphetamine/dexotrine and that she had to take sleeping pills to go to sleep at night, and amphetamine/dexotrine to get up out of bed in the morning.

Amphetamine.com:

Some of the more commonly used dextroamphetamine-based drugs include (Adderall).

Amphetamine.com:

According to the University of Maryland, dextroamphetamine belongs to the Schedule II class of controlled substances, which makes for a high abuse and addiction potential. The potential for dextroamphetamine abuse greatly increases when taking this drug for recreational purposes or when exceeding prescribed dosage schedules.

The dangers of dextroamphetamine abuse become more so apparent with long-term use, though this drug’s damaging effects take root during the early stages of drug use. Dextroamphetamine continues to warp brain, body and central nervous system functions to the point where a person’s health and psychological well-being start to deteriorate over time. With continued use, dextroamphetamine abuse will inevitably lead to addiction.

Dextroamphetamine acts as a central nervous system stimulant, speeding up brain chemical processes, which in turn speeds up most every major system in the body. These effects take a tremendous toll on brain cell functions as well as on the body in general.

Brain cells produce the neurotransmitter chemicals that for the most part regulate brain and central nervous system functions. This excessive toll placed on brain cells causes considerable structural damage to develop.

Dextroamphetamine effects include: Increased alertness, Increased concentration, Increased energy levels, Confidence, Talkativeness, Loss of appetite.

In general, drugs that produce near immediate effects carry a higher abuse potential than those producing slower effects. Dextroamphetamine abuse practices not only enhance the drug’s effects but also speed up the rate at which abuse takes place.

The ongoing damage done to brain cell structures makes cells less responsive to dextroamphetamine’s effects. When this happens, users must increase dosage amounts in order to experience the same “high” effect.

As a result, the brain’s tolerance level for dextroamphetamine can increase at an extremely fast rate. With rising tolerance levels comes additional brain cell damage, which in turn drives increased dosage amounts.

Before long, this vicious cycle drives users to engage in bingeing behaviors where large doses of the drug are taken in rapid succession. This practice, in and of itself, can induce any number of serious conditions, some of which include: Cardiac arrest, Violent behaviors. Psychotic episodes.

Ultimately, bingeing practices cause widespread brain cell deterioration. This form of dextroamphetamine abuse also damages most every bodily system in terms of the wear and tear the body undergoes when under the influence.

Much like a person feels “fried” after drinking 20 cups of espresso, dextroamphetamine abuse “fries” the neural pathways throughout the brain.

Feelings of rage, anger and aggression can happen on an increasingly frequent basis as the drug wears away at essential brain chemical processes.

The effects of dextroamphetamine abuse can easily be compared to those produced by cocaine. Like cocaine, dextroamphetamine causes extensive damage within the frontal lobe region of the brain. The frontal lobe regulates cognitive functions, some of which include: Judgment, Thinking, Decision-making, The ability to feel empathy for others.

Signs of frontal lobe syndrome include: Unusual risk-taking behaviors, Depression symptoms, Anxiety disorder symptoms, Psychotic-like behavior, Ulcers, Heart disease.

In this state, addicts experience frequent and sometimes continuous breaks from reality.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 1/4/2018 4:39:32 PM (GMT-7)


hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/4/2018 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
..

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:10:17 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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   Posted 1/7/2018 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
She's so wired, it sounds like she’s a comedian. Like Rosanne Barr from years ago. Whatever her mother says, she says, “Bite me!” That sounds like my family.

It also probably shows she’s hooked on that drug of speed, as she turns down any attempt to get her off of it.

It may take a crisis to get her to go get help.

Do the kids know she’s on this drug?

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/8/2018 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Something happened at her psychiatrist. She is evasive when she talks to me. All she said was I was doing some of my medicine wrong. I thought I should take it when I felt something. She would not elaborate despite me questioning. She then did not take her morning pill two days in a row and slept for literally 16 hours on Saturday. She seems much more normal. I told her it is like you six months ago. But he gave her more scripts to fill. I got her to go to my therapy session on Tuesday. I asked her to give me a real reason for the divorce that night. Then a plan as the finances do not work. She is talking to another guy now and lying to me about it when I asked. I saw him say I love you. How is that possible after only a week? This one is more local. My nightmare continues.

hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/10/2018 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
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Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:10:39 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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   Posted 1/10/2018 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
1. Does your primary doctor know that your wife, his patient, is taking speed and that she is bipolar?

If not, did you tell him that? Is there anyway he could have said to her, "Get off the speed?"

2. Can you get your wife out of your checking account/credit card, etc.?

I thought that had already happened.

Can you get her taken from perhaps a joint account that you two may have? Can the bank account just be in your name? So that she can't write any checks on your account, and she doesn't have much money.

She's not the only player in this game. You're also a player, and have moves that you can make.

I recently had a person in my neighborhood who was after me. I basically stood by and watched and she, like your wife, moved very rapidly, left/right, sideways, which tended to catch my attention.

It also sorta slowed down my brain from what I could do. I could have gotten a lawyer who dealt in that sort of situation, who could have come up with some things we could do to stop her nonsense.

I really have regrets that I didn't do that. I had no one giving me moral support or suggestions, such as an associate or even a help website like this one, where there may have been some help.

That's why I got on this website, because I was not solving a lot of problems, and I was wanting some help.

So, I'll say to you, where are steps you can take, as your primary doctor is suggesting, as in, get away from this woman.

Can you get a divorce lawyer? Is there some sort of decree where it says, you are not responsible for any of her debts? I've seen that notice in the newspaper on legal pages.

So can you do something like this? Take her off your bank account and credit card. Get a lawyer. Call the lawyer she's paying money to, and tell the secretary that is your money, she is on speed, you aren't going to pay the bill, or something like that.

If you can stop that bill, and the have her unable to get to that money, you could use that money to get a lawyer.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 1/10/2018 1:22:19 PM (GMT-7)


hopeful44
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Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/10/2018 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
..

Post Edited (hopeful44) : 1/11/2018 11:10:27 AM (GMT-7)


Tim Tam
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   Posted 1/10/2018 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, let me tell you what: you aren't losing.

You said:

A. I took her off the (credit) card

B. am cancelling the charge ($8,000 to her attorney to get her a divorce)

C. as they were supposed to get my permission on the size of the transaction (great that they have this feature that will not allow her to empty your funds)

D. and have an appointment next week with an attorney.

E. Doc would not get in the middle. Just offered the advice. (He (your primary doctor who treats you for depression and her for physical conditions) called me off the record and said basically she is in fantasyland and it would be much better for my mental health to get away from this woman.)

F. Your primary doctor also told you, "Her blood pressure was extremely high and did not want to be treated for it."

G. You actually got help from this doctor, who is agreeing with you that she is wacko. Nobody else has done that for you so far, as her mother stood up for her.

H. " I’ll stay strong."

I. "I make 95% of the income."

You're winning this. With your maybe getting the kids, and making 95% of the money, she's going to be out on the street. Especially if you bring up that she's on drugs.

I would consider doing all of that for leverage: once you've shown these steps are in progress, and she sees that, and that she'll be on the street because she has no money, you might be in a position to make a deal:

If she'll go to a new psychiatrist, you might reconsider some things, but she has to go to the new doctor first. So maybe just let it play out: she's spiraling to crash. Just let it happen, then maybe she'll start to see how bad off she is, that you're better for her than these poor friends of her on the computer.

But I think you've got to show her you've got what it takes, by going to that lawyer's appointment.
Get his or her advice, then maybe take the next step or two until she really starts to crumble and she doesn't have your support.

Tell her if she gets an appointment with a new psychiatrist, goes to some such meetings, and starts to improve, you might consider things.

She's wanting to see how much backbone you've got. When you show her some fortitude, it could be a win-win situation for you: You win by the legal/lawyer standpoint, and you win if she is then faced with starving to death. She'll see this, also.
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