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Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 12/24/2017 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Happy Holidays to all. Be kind to others and to yourself. We only live once. Treat others well. Be kind.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1145
   Posted 12/26/2017 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Did you have a good Christmas?

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 12/30/2017 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes. It was fairly calm. And you? Today he is very delusional and manic. We stayed by ourselves at Xmas. He started a,family drama and we could not attendšŸ¤£

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1145
   Posted 12/30/2017 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
My Christmas, thank you for asking.

Umm, I had been doing some family history items for people and finished and mailed them by Christmas. I told some people, I have family history, what I don't have is a family.

But that can be a good thing, if you have a bad family. If you ever reach a point where you don't have to take any more gruff from your growing up family, that I felt like I had to take living in the same house; and then you reach a point where you can say, "I don't have to take this anymore."

As I say, it can be a good thing. It can be a growing up thing. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

The rough situation is, if you're like tied to someone who is bad for you, like a toxic personality, like financially tied, emotionally, or in some other way, and you feel you can't get away.

So my having a family history but no family is not really a bad situation. They came after me every time we got together. I finally figured out the pattern.

I mean, I blame myself for not figuring it out sooner. I pat myself on the back for figuring it out at all.

How about yourself? Do you still have ties with your growing up family?

You say, "Today he is very delusional and manic. We stayed by ourselves at Xmas. He started a,family drama and we could not attendšŸ¤£"

That kinda reminds me of the social situation my not deceased wife and I had. Neither of us were good socially, and it was kinda rough. Plus our marriage was bad. Now that the marriage is gone, I just do some projects every now and then, but I don't need or want a lot of social activity.

I get that when I walk around the street with my dog and we meet a neighbor, and perhaps have a nice talk. I know at different ages we may want that, but at my age, I don't need it.

I have a person who helps me who has children and I enjoy talking to them, and doing projects for them, and people do enrich your life, and I like that when it's happening, but you don't always get the friendships that you may want.

So, I'm sorry to hear that "Today he is very delusional and manic." How is he showing that?

You said, "We stayed by ourselves at Xmas. He started a,family drama and we could not attendšŸ¤£"

Was it upsetting that you stayed by yourselves? Would you rather have gone to the family gathering?

In your previous post you said, "Be kind to others and to yourself. We only live once. Treat others well. Be kind."

That very much reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, which is, "I shall pass through this world but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

How do you show kindness to others? How do you show it to yourself?

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 12/31/2017 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Greetings,

One of the hallmarks of bp is changing ones mind constantly. It's worse unmediated. For the spouse it makes having an intimate relationship a roller coaster ride with Jekyll and Hyde. You never know where you stand and what twist and turns you will endure. For instance, yesterday my partner was headed to a job. Midway he changed his mind leaving the employer and myself having to change plans in an instant. This is typical for him. The constant mood swings are exhausting for all. I try to just roll with them. I know it's the illness and not me. Hope you have a peaceful New Year. I'm staying home with my dogs. Stay in touch. You seem like a thoughtful person.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 12/31/2017 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I try not to judge others. When someone is in an unstable and abusive relationship you have to make time for yourself. I'm going to make a pledge to get out w friends more, meet new people.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1145
   Posted 12/31/2017 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
So, it's be kind to yourself year.

I'm trying to be kind to myself right now by avoiding these holiday festivities.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1145
   Posted 1/1/2018 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I made it through the Jan. 1 festivities.

You said, "I try not to judge others. When someone is in an unstable and abusive relationship you have to make time for yourself. I'm going to make a pledge to get out w friends more, meet new people."

I was in such a relationship, and I wanted to get out more, also. I had been to an Al-Anon meetings for spouses and friends of alcoholics, and it was nice.

So I started making myself go to those, and it was helpful. You can learn from some of those meetings and its companionship.

Oh, whoa! Al-Anon, for friends and spouses of alcoholics. That could be right up your ally.

Have you ever heard of that? Have you ever considered going to such a meeting, or meetings?

They're listed in your phone book, and in the computer Yellow Pages or YP, and they have phone numbers, e-mail address, addresses, times of meetings, etc. They're free.

What do you think about that?

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 1/3/2018 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it's a great idea. My partner was in AA years ago. He had a drinking problem. Now he smokes to much weed and occasionally come. It's just the addictive nature. We spent New Years with his family. His mother said my son is addicted to problems. He needs drama daily and anger is a daily routine. I do really need to go to a group. I've been a few times and enjoyed it.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 1/7/2018 12:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I'll go to a meeting this week. He is out doing coke again. He's already hyper and manic as it is. At leasy pot slows,him down. What a,mess

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1145
   Posted 1/7/2018 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
That would be a nightmare. Knowing my partner was out doing drugs. Gosh.

Also knowing he's coming back in a foul mood. Whew!

Of course, my wife was out doing sex and coming in late from work, so what am I complaining about. That's about the same thing.

The way I got through it was, my brain took up for me, and we pretended like we didn't know what was going on. If she said there was nothing amiss, we believed it, and went about our lives. For 29 years, we believe it.

When she died of a long illness, and we came in from the funeral, my brain said we could look at that some problem, and come to any conclusion we wanted to, since that now there was no penalty for looking at that issue.

I decided I wanted to look at that issue, and quickly realized she was having an affair. Well, it turned out about 20 of them buy, hey, nobody's perfect. She put food on the table, she gave me shelter.

As a bipolar, I had a hard time with jobs, so I wasn't in a great position to demand perfection from her.

So I do have an idea of what you are going through.

I'm glad you are going to those meetings. It gives you a place to go, to be with helping people, to learn some and to share your experiences with the group.

Let us know how it goes.

You said, "What a mess." What a sentence that describes it. Our hearts and prayers are with you.

Loquito
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 1/7/2018 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Well he cheats on me too. Today he said "I love you" in the am. After work he got home and was in a manic rage over nothing, accusing me of everything. Sounds like your wife was the one needing meds. These are the people we call "toxic" in society. Now he's going out to his friends to smoke pot!

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4448
   Posted 1/12/2018 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry I am late, but Happy Holidays to you all. Hope this year brings wonderful things for you all.

Hope things get better for you at home Loquito! Hang in there and know that we are here for you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar
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