I think it’s good that you reached out.
When I was a younger bipolar, I was bipolar, I just didn’t know it. Neither did my psychiatrists, so we, what, learned together?
The way I found out, was, I was talking to a lay counselor, on the phone, about
a variety of issues, and
I was telling him about
my problems, I was about
40, and he said, “I knew your uncle, and he was manic-depressive, and you probably are, too.”
For 15 years I had been misdiagnosed as depressive by about
3 psychiatrists because I had gone into their office as depressed. They didn’t bother to ask me, “Do you ever have rapid thinking?” to see if I might be manic.
One, and then others, did diagnose me right, because he also had my cousin as a patient, and my cousin was bipolar, because our common grandmother (my mother’s mother) was bipolar, and it does seem to run in families, in my amateur opinion.
So you could be going in circles, also, getting wrong diagnosis, therefore wrong medicine, not knowing yourself what is taking place.
So you have:
1. Anxiety “an incrediable amount” 2. OCD-like (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) behavior 3. Depression. 4. Have rages 5. As does your father, who you think is ADHA (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder), and he also has… 6. …Depressioin.
7. And you’ve been diagnosed as Bipolar but haven’t been to therapy in a while. 8. Your mother is Bipolar. 9. But you don’t share her symptoms.
Yeah, that could be kinda tough figuring out what your situation might be. I was in the same boat from about
30 to 40.
You say, “I am posting to try to better understand my mental state.”
And, “I am curious to know if someone can cite examples of how one feels when manic. This would be so helpful, in helping me understand the difference between excitement and mania, or regular irritability and manic irritability.”
Well, how I feel when I’m manic is, when I’m on my Lithium (which I always am because I don’t want to be speeded up/manic), I’m going about
60 miles per hour, the speed limit. I can be at peace, I can sleep at night, I can get things done, like type this post.
When my psychiatrist recently kindly suggested lowering my daily Lithium from 675 mgs. to 450 mg., (because of problems I have with medicine), I went to that lower level for a week. I got more speeded up each day, was having trouble sleeping, and by the 7th day, I was going about
100 miles per hour.
And on the 7th night, I put myself back on my regular dosage, which I told her I was going to do if things got bad, and she agreed.
When I took my first Lithium many years ago, I felt like the air had been let out of a too tight balloon. I didn’t know how stressed I was until I took Lithium, and it relaxed me but not like a tranquilizer.
You said, the difference between “regular irritability and manic irritability.”
Regular irritability, in my view is, someone has a project due in a week. Each day the person gets a little more irritable, but not too bad. By the 6th or 7th day, he might snap at someone, to relieve some stress, but then he goes back to being OK.
Manic irritability, in my view: “You say I’m supposed to do this project??!! What do you mean??? And in only a week I’m supposed to finish it? Well, let me tell you something!!!” (The project is going 60 miles per hour. But the mania is going 100 miles per hour. He can’t calm down enough to do the project.)
See, the project hasn’t even started, and the mania is almost full blown. Can’t take stress. But it’s everybody else’s fault.
Lithium (with an anti-depressant for the depression) simply slows me down (treats the mania, glory halleluiah), allows me to do what most other people can do: projects. I still have problems as a bipolar, I have to remind myself, but I can do more things like other people on Lithium.
You say “difference between excitement and mania”? Excitement, in my view, is your team wins the big game, and for a few minutes, you’re excited. Mania, in my view, is, your team wins the big game, you can’t go to sleep that night. You’re thinking of starting a booster club for your team in your city. You start reading everything you can about
You said, “Being honest with myself is scary.”
Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 3/15/2018 9:26:47 PM (GMT-6)