Wife wants to call it quits as of last night!

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Date Joined Aug 2018
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/4/2018 4:15 PM (GMT -6)   

For the past few weeks my wife has been very manic. We’ve been together almost 16 years (married for almost 13) we have two kid (3 and 10) I love her so much and she’s my best friend. She also for pretty much our whole relationship felt the same way but always thought she was more in love and would hold me very high. We moved in 2013 and got a nicer house in a better neighborhood but oour lifestyle was definitely gonna have to change with a higher mortgage, bills, etc. Since her pregnancy with my 3 year old she has gone through some mental changes. She’s suffered from depression since she was a young teenager and it probably wasn’t till last year she realized she thinks she’s bipolar. Before that she also was diagnosed with some OCD and Anxiety she’s on meds for along with depression (she would have some pretty bad panic attacks) I agreed she seems Bipolar and now think she has been for a while longer then a year or 2.

We had some rough times since her pregnancy but we managed to work through them to have everything seem really good again (we were great in our old house when life was extremely easy) Anyway back to her seeming manic or possibly worse. Her and my 10 year old have been non stop arguing. Some of it is warranted but a lot is her being extremely irritated with everything he does and she was nonstop telling him what to do. This is were she now gets mad at me, my son listens to me well, not so much her. She would consistently tell him to stop messing with your sister, do chores, you should know this and she wanted me to not only fully back her but anytime I would let the kids be she would freak out and say I don’t pay attention, I’m not present, I’m lazy. I told her she has to learn to tune them out or they’ll drive her mad trying to stay on top of them with every little thing. She does not see it this way (although has said she’s jealous I can tune them out)

She’s also been extremely controlling and very Up and down. My wife like to sing and dance with the kids and can be high energy but lately it’s felt very different. She’ll say she’s so happy with her life, I have the best family, hug us so tight. Then when one thing goes wrong like I didn’t take something on the steps upstairs when it belongs there she’ll jump into she never gets help from anyone and get very pissed and shutdown! She works part time and works close to home (supermarket) I work full time and my commute is an hour to an hour and a half each way to work. My job is psychically draining and stressful because I work with heights. When my wife gets home from work she’ll come home and nap. Then after her nap (hour to 2) she’ll pickup my daughter from day care. When I come home I’d like to relax a little bit it seems like right away she thinks I should be doing stuff. She’s not chill at all if the house is a little messy/dirty and when she decides it’s time to clean she just gets up and expects everyone to be on board with no warning.

She’s been saying she’s had it when she’s mad and has told me she’s been crying a lot. She also said she realized at a doctor appt she realizes from a question she doesn’t take joy in almost everything. She did see her psychiatrist a few days ago to let him know what she’s been going through and said she thinks she needs bipolar ness which her psychiatrist said she’s been on them and he upped them. We had a bad Tuesday just little arguments but we didn’t get along. Wednesday went really well, and so did Thursday for the most part. Friday she was fine on the phone with me while I was at work. When I came home I couldn’t hear something she said and it all went down hill from there. One of her new pet peeves is she hates repeating herself! Around 20 minutes went by and she seemed okay with me but her and my son where fighting again. We were about to go out and eat I got me, my daughter and my son was ready to go out. She was upstairs for 15-20 minutes and we said were hungry are you almost ready. She yells down the steps “we don’t leave the house till it’s clean, that’s the rules” me and my son have never heard this rule. She then says I hope the downstairs is clean since you want to go. She came down and said just forget it I’m going now. She then made up with my son in the parking lot before the diner. She was still mad at me giving me the cold shoulder. She was very talkative with our waitress and dancing to oldies music (she’s pretty social and very nice but I’ve noticed she’ll pull the car over to tell someone they have an awesome dog etc) we hit a store after and she was showing me attention and hugged me tight for finding an item she was looking for. I was mostly with my 3 year old and her and my son were playing around and he started crying again. I said what happened now and she said you’d know if you ever payed attention. I was literally looking at a toy with my daughter but heard there playing around. She seems to ask for a lot of unreasonable acts. After she said I’m very unhappy. At home she then almost picked another fight with my son for playing with my daughter and they were just playing. I was on the verge of losing it, I said this is why you can’t be involved with everything all day everyday. I actually thought I reached her but Inwas way off.

She went upstairs and I started reading what to do online in this situation. Up till this point I was just reading about and symptoms of bipolar disorder. I was definitely handling things wrong because I’m someone who like to talk it out and let learn about what’s going on. I’m not good at giving space but I’m gonna have to be from now on if it’s not to late. She continued to be mad at me and then was crying bad and I went to check on her. She then told me she’s think out marriage is over this isn’t working. I’m the reason for her depression, not her job, not her weight (two things she’s been very down about for a long time now) and I’m the reason she fight with my son. As devastated as I was I didn’t argue I just said where supposed to get a marriage counselor or therapist Monday. How could you want to quit on this without us getting some professional help. She said were going but I feel it’s just gonna get us ready for the next chapter of our lives. Today has been gut wrenching for me, We really didn’t speak much and she has work. I’ve felt like I’ve wanted to break down and cry all day but I’m trying to hold it together for my kids.

There’s so much more and I rambled and went all over the place on this post but I’m really hurt and confused. Other things she’s been doing that comes off of the symptoms I’ve read about. Very confident, she thinks she’s never wrong and has it all figured out (this has been for at least 6 months or more) she tells me what’s wrong with me or puts me down and doesn’t give me a chance to explain or defend myself, shuts me right out. Both of them subjects is not like her at all from the women I married. I’ve mentioned it but she’s extremely irritated, nit picking everything. She’s a very tired person even with a nap she’s be ready for bed at 9-10, she’s been staying up past me mostly going to bed around midnight. She’s told me she’s been feeling hopelessness. Also I’ve mentioned up and downs, but from last night of her saying it’s over the last few weeks she would say how she loved her life, me, the kids, our house. It’s certainly been a roller coaster.

I’ve read that being bipolar her saying it’s over blaming me for everything happens and I feel it’s the illness talking but it scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to lose her. I know I’m not perfect I can be lazy and put stuff off. I’d think most pepole would laugh at some of the petty fights about the dining room table is a mess, the yard need some work, you didn’t get the laundry again. I know that over and over again can be tiresome but not grounds for a divorce when we really have a nice family and life.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1250
   Posted 8/5/2018 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I think it’s good that you reached out for help. I’ve had some problems and didin’t reach out enough, I was getting psychiatrisct advice for by bipolar, bad or no advice, but I didn’t think about help online, which may had been beneficial.

You said you wife is on meds for depression and has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and the belief is that she is bipolar.

But you don’t mention her being on any medicine for mania, only the depression. Yet, you mention about 8 or 10 things which show she might be manic, but is not getting treated for that.

I’m on Lithium for my mania, and Mirtazapine for depression. Any chance she could get on something for her mania?

You say, “She did see her psychiatrist a few days ago to let him know what she’s been going through and said she thinks she needs bipolar ness (meds?) which her psychiatrist said she’s been on them and he upped them.”

Again, what is she on for mania? Wonder what she takes for depression?

I think if she got “level” if could improve things.
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