Hi. I'm currently in an on again and off again relationship going on for 15 years now with a woman who has BPD and I need some insight and advice on some things. I'm having trouble knowing if I'm enabling something or if I'm doing the right thing by letting it go and being understanding because it's something that can't be controlled by the BPD sufferer.
The specific issue that I'm mainly concerned about
is that she disappears for a week or weeks at a time with no contact at all and no warning that she's going to disappear. We don't live together and I work so I don't always have the luxury to see her in person during most weeks but I always believed that we should at least keep in touch on the phone and texts. I figure a message or two every 3 or 4 days isn't unreasonable and gives her some space. But disappearing for over a week or weeks is unreasonable to me for people who are supposed to be in a relationship. I've read that disappearing acts are a thing among some BPD sufferers so I've always tried to be patient about
But I've been having doubts because there's always a different excuse for her disappearing acts. Sometimes she'll say that she was just really sick for a week/weeks and didn't have the energy to send me a text letting me know what's going on. Sometimes she'll say that she simply lost track of time because of a depression episode. Sometimes it's because her internet and phone service were out. A couple of times it's because she did actually text but forgot to hit the button to send it. It's that last excuse which really makes me wonder.
I realize that there's a big possibility that I'm being lied to and manipulated. But I also realize that she might be lying not because she's doing something behind my back like cheating but because it's just easier to lie to me rather than having to explain something that the BPD is doing to her. Is this something that can be controlled or at least managed? Am I enabling it and should I push her to do better? While I do try to be understanding for the most part, she also knows that I absolutely hate it that she disappears like that yet it keeps happening over and over again with a different excuse. How should I approach this situation?
Thanks in advance.
Post Edited (PerpetualMachine) : 11/25/2018 11:23:44 AM (GMT-7)