Posted 2/23/2019 2:23 PM (GMT -6)
That does sound like a tough situation and similar to the one I was in.
What helped me was, I stumbled upon a column where she said if you’re positive before going into a problem that you can solve it, you double your chances of solving it. I found that that worked for me, and realized I had had a negative mindset either from my bipolar or my raising or both.
I unconsciously wanted to not solve my problems, for that’s how I had been taught and I carried that into adulthood. From reading the column, I told myself, when faced with a problem, first, don’t think about the problem, think about my attitude, as in, do I think I can solve this problem, as the column said.
To do that, I say, “Think positive, think positive, think positive,” as my conscious tells my hidden unconscious what to do: think positive. Only then do I begin to start thinking about the problem.
I tried it on the first problem I had after reading the column, and it worked. I solve the first problem when using that technique. And I’ve been using that technique ever since.
I also think, “One problem at a time and be positive about that problem.” I don’t try to solve all my problems at once. Only the next one.
Also, I was at an Al-Anon meeting for people who have spouses or friends who have drinking problems. When it came my turn to talk, I listed all of my problems in a mournful tone of voice. The woman sitting beside me who had listened to my tales of woe, looked up at me and said, “Oh, you were having a Pitty Party. We’ve all done that.”
Well, she did embarrass me to tears in front of the group, and I was embarrassed, yeah, a grown man acting like a five year old, right. But I can tell you one thing. It really helped.
After that, whenever I tried to feel sorry for myself, I saw that woman’s face, and I heard her voice, and I never felt sorry for myself again. She really helped me.
My marriage was similar in that my wife was verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive. As a bipolar, I found it difficult to hold a job and was dependent on her for financial help, so I stayed in the house and in the abusive situation, plus we had a child I didn’t want to leave.
Plus, when the child grew up and left the home, I still stayed there for the finances.
My wife passed away from a long illness 10 years ago, and my now grown son took over the somewhat disguised abuse. I cut ties with my son two years ago because I didn’t have to depend on him for any reason. Hello!
Which brings us back to your situation.
You say, “I have just recently cut off all communication with him which in the past have sent him either into placating me or promising me things will be different. He bargains with me that if I do this he will not file for divorce and I can continue receiving the money. But the bargains change on his part but in truth he is the one who changes them.
“Since I have cut all communication off with him I have no idea what he is going to do.“
That’s probably good that you have cut ties with him, I know hard that can be.
Then you say, “Because of this I have severe panic attacks. Along with severe depression.
I know this is the right thing to do and I ha e no control over what he does or doesn’t do.
But my panic attacks have gone off the charts.
“I am terribly afraid of what he will do In Retaliation to my cutting off all communication.
I am fighting being afraid of what he will really do.”
You say, “I am taking lamictal right now. But that is the only medication I am on.
I have tried different antidepressants over the years but they all seem to make things worse rather than better.”
How long have you been on lamitical? Long enough for it to work? 4-8 weeks some might say.
Second, if anti-depressants were making things worse, were you also on a stablelizer, such as I am (lithium)?
For, if you are only on an anti-depressant, and you are bipolar, it can throw you from the depression into mania and cause what, panic attacks. Hello!
It did with me, when, as a bipolar, I was diagnosed depressive, for I was depressed when I went into the psyschiatrist’s office. So he gives me an anti-depressant (an upper) (but no stablelizer such as Lithium), which pushed me into mania and then panic attacks.
If lamiticol is not working, I ‘m wondering if you change medicines?
Oh, by the way, you deserve a trophy for raising 3 grandchildren.
Plus, I have an idea of what you are going through. With my living alone as a senior citizen and bipolar, I have had my share of attacks from the neighbors, etc.