Just need to talk...

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/15/2006 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I really don't know where to start, but I have got to get all these thoughts out of my head before it explodes. I am 32 years old. I work as a nurse. I am married to a wonderful man and have two daughters. I have been being treated for depression for more than 13 years and I knew long before that that there was something not quite right, but I could never really put my finger on it. about 4 years ago, my doctor talked to me about bi-polar disorder, but I wasn't ready to deal with it at the time, but I think the time has come to deal with it now whether I am ready or not. I come from a family of many non-dx'd, "self-medicating" mentally ill people. I'm not embarassed by them, but I want so much more for my life and my family. I credit my husband for helping me hold my life together as well as I have and the fact that I am still in this fight at all. He always has this way of protecting me from myself when I am at my worst. The sad part is that he most often is the one that has to deal with the brunt of my frustrations. Frustrations that are seemingly growing increasingly worse as time goes by. I've never been dx'd with BPD for various reasons, but I have little doubt that this is my disorder. My doctor simply has me dx'd with non-specific depression and we agreed to leave it at that until I am ready to move forward. I don't tend to have full blown mania aside from one episode several years ago, but the depression comes like clockwork and knocks me off my feet every time. May-June and December-Feb are my worst times. I get very kranky and irritable. I have little ability to concetrate, and I tend to get very parinoid. My thoughts ramble around in my head in such a way that I can't make sense of any of them. How do I handle all of this??? I haven't left my house for any reason other than work in about 3 weeks. Good plan, huh? I am now at the point that I want to deal with it head on becuse it is getting worse. I am not suicidal by any stretch of the imagination, but I do find myself thinking more and more "what if" and this scares me. The problem comes in with the fact that I have just accepted another job that I will start in March. they have excellent benefits, BUT will not kick in for 3 months. I'm worried about how being a nurse dx'd with bi-polar disorder will effect me and how being a nurse with undx'd bipolar disorder will effect me and everyone around me.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 2/16/2006 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   

~TwIsTeD AnGeL~

"Bipolar Rule Numero Uno: When its good its very very good but when its bad its HORRID" 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/16/2006 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi SCRN, First let me welcome you to healing well forum.  We are glad to have you.

Second, the hardest thing can be for a caregiver like yourself to get help and deal with a diagnosis.  I know this firsthand.  I worked in the mental health field for yrs.  I have Major Depression, MS, Multiple System Atrophy (dx'ed last week).  I have been seeing a counselor and psychiatrist since August and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I find myself being concerned about what they are writing in my chart as I know it will follow me everywhere for the rest of my life.  At first I was very guarded in what I would say to them in fear of this.  But I have to get over it and help myself with the depression and terrible feelings that I have everyday.

I don't have BP but felt compelled to answer your post.  Someone close to me does have bipolar and has been stable on medication for over 2 years now.  It is possible.  You being a nurse probably already know this.  It sounds like you have a great support system with your husband.  Good luck with your new job.  Please keep us informed of how you are doing.



Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 2/16/2006 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
SCRN - Welcome to HW - I hope that you'll find some comfort and companionship among the group. I'll second the motion of Twisted Angel and send some hugs too, but also that of els who brings up lots of great points.

Bipolar had run my life for so long that there was a sense of relief when I was diagnosed to learn that there was a path through the chaos. For me, the relief that came from knowing there was something at the heart of all the agony helped me to accept the diagnosis and treatment. I've learned that regardless of what I tell myself BP will always be there so I can fight it or learn live with it. I've chosen the latter so that I can move on and get to the business of living life, rather than dealing with the mess that untreated BP created.
It sounds like you have a very compassionate doctor and a family who loves you very much. I wish you the best in your search for answers and hope that you'll keep us posted.

Take care,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 2/16/2006 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I was a registered CNA for over 30 yrs.I was dx with Alzheimer's nearly 9 yrs.ago.I accepted it & have gone on with life.You can too.Acceptance is 1/2 the battle.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 2/16/2006 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
hiya scrn :) Just wanted to throw something at ya... some of the most brilliant minds have been diagnosed with Bipolar... namingly Florence Nightengale. I began my journey in becoming an RN right after I graduated High School. I finished the prerequistes, but never went any further with it due to a huge mistake lol After I divorced that mistake 6 yrs ago.. I went into a training course and became a CNA. A yr later, I had a stroke and was diagnosed with Bipolar within a month after my stroke. I have been up and down for the past 5 yrs, and now that I have finally found the right meds to help control it, I have set a new goal.... to become an RN. My pdoc thinks it is a wonderful idea, and thinks I will do just fine in it. It took time, but I soon have realized that my achievements have nothing to do with my mental 'handicaps'. I have Bipolar... but Bipolar doesnt have me!!!!
I am confident that you too will be able to move on and carry out that which you are destined to do in life regardless of the circumstances. I wish the best for you!!!

Good Luck! ~kimmy
"I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me--- yet, I sometimes long for it."   ~Byron

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