My GI issues are second to none (probably not true, but I'll say it for effect) and I feel like I'm going to get an ulcer. I've recently said, "You can't please everyone and even if you could, you'd still have that one jerk be displeased simply out of spite."
That was a concern. If I'm paying for a place and he's staying there, I'd need to have some say and some rules. I spoke to her tonight and she just wants the opportunity to try to have another, but she doesn't know if she can. Informed her I don't think it's in the cards for me as much as I tried to make myself believe otherwise.
I basically ended it this evening. She actually let me speak and didn't get angry. I don't know if she feels blindsided or what. We both stated we're unhappy. Long story short, I told her I don't see things getting any better and she asked if I wanted to end it. After pausing for what seemed like a minute, I said, "Yes." She said, "OK, bye." We were on video chat. A follow-up text read, "If you don't want to fight for this, I'm not coming back."
I feel terrible. The relief hasn't set in yet and it's all very raw. She asked if this is what I really want. It's not that I WANT this, but I feel it has to be this way. Sadly, I said give me some time to think about
it... a day, whatever. I think I wish she would have ended it. Frankly, I thought it would be mutual. Neither of us are happy. I'm realizing how short life is and all that.
Thanks for all the kind words. I realize you all only see my side of it. Perhaps her perspective is different. Once I felt afraid to speak to her, that was kind of that. I talked to a few friends on the phone today about
it and they agree I did the right thing.
I know insurance and such is her responsibility, but I just feel for her. Divorce, attorney's fees, lack of child support, insurance, no place to call her own, her parents are struggling with their mortgage, her job stinks... and it just doesn't end. This all weighed heavily on me, too, and I'm unable to really deal. I'm reminded of when my GI issues started. This was coincidentally when we were together before. Trying to make all these lifestyle adjustments plus all of her stuff on top of it. Heavy.
I'll be giving the Healthgrades a check now. I've got her texts on ignore for the time being. One of the friends I talked to said not to respond to anything for at least a day. I'm seeing some practices with good reviews, but the docs aren't broken down.
Yes, we don't share many common interests. While I've gone into great debt for it, my collectibles bring me some joy and she was never supportive. Every time we spoke and she'd see my walls... "Too many toys." It wore thin.
I worry about
stuff like, "Since I have to be put under, who will be my ride to endoscopy appointments when Ma is gone?" I don't know if I'll want anyone. I just don't know. People with chronic issues feel a bit burdensome on others; at least I do. I'm also not big on myself. Nobody will ever help me like me. No one should have to. There were times when she was supportive and it just wasn't enough. She was understanding that I couldn't do this and I couldn't do that physically. Something as simple as lying down is challenging for me because of the reflux. Maybe she's better than I give her credit for sometimes, but she just complains so, so much. It's always going to be something.
I'm sorry about
your niece. I think I have family strife, too. My relatives are mostly four hours away and when I moved with my parents, that basically ended relationships with them in a natural fashion. People just drifted. Still love my aunt.
I'm just torn up. Thanks for reading a few times. I'm sorry if I repeat myself, but my issues with my memory are a little concerning.
Post Edited (1039smooth) : 3/2/2021 9:15:54 PM (GMT-7)