Posted 6/16/2021 1:00 PM (GMT -6)
Well, it is easy to understand how you wonder if he is able to remember the good times you had.
But he could also be asking, does she see the good in me? And he could also be feeling the hurt as much as you. Given, in a manic state, he won’t, and in a depressed state, he can’t.
But in-between those moods he may be really understanding what he lost, and feel the loneliness more than you do.
He will come to realize you are stronger than he is, and that his life is not going as well as yours. That you are out among friends, doing things and in a balanced state of mind. He will probably be envious, and he should be.
You will link up with somebody else before he will, which could further call up feelings of inadequacy in hm.
You said he had a great career, and that could be jeopardized, also, if he doesn’t take his medicine. You said he’s been married several times, maybe they found out what you are just learning. Maybe it’s better that you found this out now before you got married.
Maybe you’re lucky and you just don’t know it.
With medicine, his time of withdrawal may never come during the depression, and his mana causes problems also, so he’s never in a good g mood. (One saying is, don't be sad something is over, be glad that it happened.)
Sleeping in his car, staying with his brother, you’re probably going to be hearing more stories about this, but from a distance, which is a good thing.
You said, “He tried medication and quickly went off of it after his best friend died and he said he felt nothing at the funeral. He decided he would rather feel his life than live his life numb. Now, we are at the end.”
Courtship is a test after all. He didn’t past the test. I guess there are all kinds of excuses for not taking your meds. That's a test, also. I’ve heard that the mind can deteriorate if you don’t take the needed meds. So that could happen.
You wonder if people with bipolar can recall the good times before the bipolar began to take its effects. I would say that I remember the good times. Of course, during mania without medicine, I’m not sure that that happens. But on my medicine, I can recall how important a person was to me.
As noted, he will, too, as his life spirals downward because of something that was his fault, he decided not to take medicine. My grandmother was bipolar but there was no medicine back there in the 1930s, 1940s and perhaps early 1950s. She spent time in a state mental health institution with high walls.
My grandmother would have done anything to live in an era when they had medicine for her mental illness. For him to turn it down would probably have been incomprehensible to her.
Oh, yeah, as a bipolar, I take 600 mg of Lithium and 7.5 mg of Mirtazapine anti-depressant. Gladly. Sometimes I feel like I'm living two lives.