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Posted 2/18/2022 5:09 PM (GMT -8)
Hello;

I have crohn's disease and don't post here. I don't have bipolar. I hope it is ok for me to come here and ask a few questions. It is pretty tough to do this.

How does one go about trying to get someone they care for deeply to seek treatment? I have begged, pleaded, and tried to just ask. I always get a very rageful and sternful NO answer. I have asked when they are deep in depression. I have asked when they seem perfectly content with life. I have asked when they are happy and excited about being alive. I still get a NO. After living with someone for a number of years I am pretty certain I know what the problem is. I am not trying to diagnose her, but I have a good idea that I am posting in the correct place.

I know I can do that whole intervention thing but I am shaking just trying to type this up here on a public forum. I don't think I could muster the courage for that.

The anger, hatred, rage, paranoia, and the accusations jeez the accusations directed at me which makes no rational or logical sense whatsoever is just taking too much of a toll on my health over the years. I end up shaking and just plain destroyed after an episode which takes me weeks to recover from.

But maybe I am just doing it all wrong here. Is there a certain way to try and encourage someone to get help.
I have tried it from a place of love. I have tried it from a place of an ultimatium. I have tried it in anger too.

I have asked so many people about this and I get the same answer. You can't change someone.

So before I give up on this person I thought maybe I would ask someone who actually has this disorder and see if they had anything to say.
Posted 2/19/2022 5:52 PM (GMT -8)
Hi, soz mate, but yes it is a common element for some not seek treatment, that we are all
in the head, you know the word. What is happening is some psychosis i feel, some rapid cycling
between moods, which is very quick, unlike a mixed mood disorder.
Yes, you can't help at this stage. Ultimatums are useless at this time.
Best you advise local psych services, etc. Give info on supports in the public, even if it is trashed in the bin.
At this point your safety can be at issue, especially if the person has a prolonged episode of hypomania, that usually becomes psychosis The informing of psych, and the police can be confidential as well.

When and if treatment happens, the chemicals in the brain will stabilise, it
is a chemical imbalance; and what is happening to the person is usually on the same level of the
person, but with a chaotic mind, this is what happens with bi polar.

Many do recover, like myself, but did so wanting help, slow process
seeking assistance for some is frightning. I engage, do voluntary work, do live experience stuff
on hospital and mental government processes, and do some gigs at Uni to teach med students.
Mostly people with this disorder are so creative, so intellectual, do some research and it
will blow your mind.

For your own mental health space is required. Yes it is all about the person wanting
help, when readiness comes around, this is when you are supportive, but with a caviat, yes.
Hope this helps,
HT
Posted 2/20/2022 5:07 AM (GMT -8)
Homeboy, I remember you from the crohns forum. HT gave you some good insight. My brother's daughter is bipolar. Once she became 18 & moved out she stopped all medications. No matter how much help he & the family gave her for years it was useless. She's now 40 years old & her life has been hard & she's done nothing to change her situation. She views it as she doesn't have a problem, it's everyone else that has problems.

I urge you to forget about an intervention, this will blow up & backfire on you. You cannot force her to get help, she has to do this on her own. Your friends are right about this. It's a hard life to live with someone that refuses help to get help or admit they have issues. You said you have lived with her for years, you need to ask yourself, do I want to continue living like this. You need to keep yourself safe & above all healthy.

Good luck.
Posted 2/20/2022 1:51 PM (GMT -8)
I do remember you stray and alot of others I don't see here anymore. I appreciate the reply.

I think that is probably why I have not forced anything. I thought it may come back on me someway. There have been times though but I have always managed to settle stuff down and not get anything done when the police have showed up on occasion.

My health has been really bad the past few years. I have never in my life been so sick. 3 resections in 2 years. Before that I had 2 in my entire life combined. I had several drainage bags for abcesses. Two fistulas. There was a period inbetween where I was in the hospital every month. It was getting hard to get an iv in me. I was looking at TPN and sort of thought it was the end for me.

None of it stopped though. She would be in the hospital with me and have episodes in there which was just beyond anything I can describe. During that point I had no choice but to tolerate it and keep myself above all else calm. I knew if I tried to leave then it would most likely be the end of me. You need alot of mental strength to get through surgery so I had to wait.

I never told my doctors or anyone what was going on. I have wanted to. Every time they ask you those questions in the hospital. Do you feel safe at home I wanted to scream out NO! NO I do not! But I kept quiet.

But then my last surgery was successful. I am healed up well now. No tubes or bags in me. Now is my opportunity to push the issue with her or get out.
Posted 2/23/2022 6:55 AM (GMT -8)
Wow, you had a lot to go through with your crohns out of control. Glad to read you are doing well with it & in remission. I don't know how you dealt with this & your partner out of control. That should be another red flag for you.

I don't know what you mean by pushing the issue with your partner. Threatening to leave & move out will get you no where. The same with insisting she get medical help. Any threat will be met with resistance, you are wasting your time with that, you've been together quite a few years. If you move you will have to cut off all contact, block her on your phone, same with any social media accounts. Can you do this?

Remember, your welfare counts just as much as her's.
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