Posted 2/8/2023 6:08 PM (GMT -8)
When I’m alone, I don’t feel my serious mental illness, which is bipolar, for which I am taking 7.5 mg of Mirtazapine and 600 mg of Lithium.
It’s only when I’m in certain situations when it hits me flush. Such a situation happened recently when I failed to get my grandchildren their Christmas presents. The previous Christmas, no problem, but there is a point where I just can’t do stuff anymore. One of my grandchildren reminded me of that oversight.
I invited him over to my house to help me with that as in, stand close by and give me moral support while I write the Christmas cards. There does come a day when that can happen. So shortly before he came over, I went ahead and wrote the Christmas cards to show myself, I can do this.But I only did it because he was coming over.
When he got here, he brought his wife and child. I don’t have social anxiety but I do have a problem carrying on a conversation with 3 or more people but I can one-on-one.
Well, it went worse than I thought, to the point I even called the young child there by the wrong name.
My mind was so scrambled by then that to me it was understandable. (I tell myself, you accomplished the over-all mission, to get the Christmas cards written, but pretty much messed up on the social aspect.)
I guess it was my mental illness of bipolar, maybe my mania breaking through and I can’t think clearly.
My mother had some scrambled thinking also, so maybe that’s where it’s coming from. That may very well be it. And she was completely horrible in social situations, also, but OK one on one. I never thought about that. I'm sure now, that's where it's coming from.
So, I guess I’m wondering, do others have trouble in social situations, and, don’t really feel their mental illness when they are alone, but can in certain types of situations?