Hey, I did some searching online and found a new FDA approved titration schedule, starting from 25 or 50 and going up 25 a week for 4 weeks then up 50 a week until effects are acheived, though that wasn't for mood stabilization.
I realize that this stuff isn't very good at mood stabilization, but for me its usually been *okay*. Its not depakote to me, but it isn't as sedating either. Actually, I took 50mg this morning and i'm not tired at all. I might feel the methadone a little more than usual, a little bit dizzy, but I'm also working the fentanyl out of my system so its hard to say how much is due to the topamax.
I do a lot of writing, and am in some very hard courses, some very self-ran courses. It'll be interesting to see how much the Dopamax hurts mah brain. Mebbe I'll get back down to 170, though? hehe
It was really hard to ask for help when I felt so incredible. I'm surprized I managed it. I had never managed it so early before. I've never gotten to the point that I needed to be hospitalized (by force), but I have put myself away so that I could get better help and not ruin my life. I had to leave school once already though. Caused a big scene, well, a bunch of them, all within a couple days.
Tried "buying" a girl at Subway... told her I was rich and a *movie* maker... I get so stupid some times
Tried buying a car that wasn't for sale because it looked like one my middle school science teacher drove
Swore at a math professor for telling me to be quiet, whipped teh desk on the floor and burst out the room. I didn't make it 15 minutes before a cop came and persuaded me to go to the school counseler. I'm so ULTRA thankful they handled it the way they did. I went and talked to her, and then they had me go to the hospital. They told me they were giving me a Valium IV or something like that, and the next thing I remember I was at home. My mom came and picked me up and drove me back. She had to drive 4 hours because of my idiot ---.
I do such stupid things when I start going up. Its just so easy to run with it. And so enjoyable. At first. I've been dx schizoaffective by one doc and bipolar 1, rapid cycling by another. Both tells me the other is terribly mistaken. I do have a tendency to have psychotic features to my moods. When I was first dx I was psychotic a lot, I guess looking back. I was also on a anti-d and no stabilizer for a while, and my moods moved a lot more than they do now. I'm glad they evened out, it was something like 3 days of mania, two days normal, 7 days of depression, 2 days normal and then repeat! Anyway, I"m sure no one caresa bout this. I'm just rambling. I'm still running quick, but that'll end soon. Mania is more responsive to fixing my sleep cycle, and when we changed the pain meds the pain was terrible and I didn't sleep hardly at all.
Okay, see you guys in chat later. ttyl