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Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/28/2006 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I need help majorly! I was emotionally/verbally abused throughout my childhood and I was attention neglected because my parents were always too busy arguing and fighting with eachother. Often there was physical violence as well. Now I have extreme self-esteem issues and I find it hard to believe that anyone could ever love me. My husband loves me very much and tells me all the time...but I just don't see why. He is the person that I put unrealistic expectations on and I make him my hero. Often the expectations I put on him are so unrealistic that I get upset over the stupidist things he has no control over. The main reason I married him because the way he makes me feel. He made me feel loved...he has seen every side of me and has loved me for who I am. Because of the love he has given I have been very clingy to him and besides the unrealistic expectations, I can not stand to be without him. I CAN NOT SLEEP WITHOUT HIM! He works third shift and I am not working right now because of being bipolar and just being placed on meds. We both sleep during the day because I can not sleep when he is at work at night. He is my world...but I don't want to make him feel inhuman by putting these unrealistic expectations on him. I want to love myself and fix my self esteem issues...I just really struggle. Can anyone help, and does this sound like borderline? What kind of treatment is there for borderline?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/28/2006 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   

Ashley,  After all that you have been through I think it is wonderful that you have been able to find someone that you love so much and that loves you back that way that you need and deserve to be loved.  Trust me that is very rare and if you have that dont second analyze it just be grateful for it.  I grew up in a situation much like yours, physically and sexually abused by my stepfather for years.  I have dealt with low self esteem for a long time.  I was always asking myself "why would they want to be my friend or he want to go out with me" or thinking I'm too fat when I weigh 110 pounds and starving myself.  I always thought I was not good enough or didn't deserve to have anyones love and attention because I was taught that.  With a lot of years of therapy and antidepressants and my own education in the psychiatric field working with people, girls just like me I realized I did matter and deserved a whole lot more than I was giving myself credit for.  As long as I kept up that mentality my stepfather who I had not seen since I was 11 yrs old still controlled my life and emotions.  I couldnt and wouldn't let him have that much power over me anymore, wither he knew it or not, I did.  You are a beautiful person and have the chance to start a whole new life.  It is whatever you want to make it.  You have the loving support of a wonderful husband.  It sounds like he believes in you and what you can do, now you just have too. 

I dont have Borderline Personality Disorder but I have this website that you can look at and determine if it sounds familiar to you.  BPD and Bipolar are vastly different illnesses. BPD is a much more volatile illness and people with this have extreme problems keeping relationships.  If you really feel that you have this talk to your doctor and see what he says....Take care

Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one

Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/28/2006 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you sooo much for your advice Elisha (els)! My husband is absolutely wonderful and I want to be there for him and show him the same support! I am glad that you have realized that you are worth something and have gotten over your past issues...I hope I can do the same. Now that I am away from my parents I know that they love me and I realize that they were too busy arguing to see how they were affecting me. My husband tells me I am beautiful and wonderful....and things like that all of the time. I will definately check out the website. Thanks again!

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/29/2006 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree, you have a wonderful husband that is one among only a few. Most men I know dont know what to do with me or my moods or other things that come with all that I am. Perhaps one day .....ya never know

Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/31/2006 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope that you and other women who experience pain and emotional madness like I do will find a true love that will love and care for you! My husband is great and I too thought I would never find love. We were meant to be together and it was God that put us together. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and when the time is right you will find him!
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